Giving Up on Breast Feeding... :-(

Rachie_B · July 2011

My sweet Sophia will be 11 weeks old on Monday. She was born 11 weeks early. Her first six weeks were spent in the NICU where she got 100% breast milk. The week before she was released my supply decreased significantly. I went from pumping 4 ounces to less than 1. I'm not sure if it was the stress of preparing things for her homecoming or the lack of sleep that decreased my supply so much.

She has been on Neosure and I'm still only pumping less than an ounce per pumping. I find it very difficult to pump between feeding her bottles, holding her, and trying to sleep. I've been using Fenegreek and Reglan and have not had any success. My period has already returned and I have PCOS.

I feel absolutely horrible about even considering stopping... but at the same time she freaks out after a minute at the breasts cause there is such little milk and I'm pumping less than 1/2 to 1 ounce per pumping. She eats at least 4 ounces right now, so I'm not even able to provide 1/4 of her milk.

Do I keep pumping or am I wasting my time for the 1/2 to 1 ounce I'm getting??

urbanflowerpot · July 2011

Ohh, goodness. That's a tough decision! We've had major BF'ing issues (nipple confustion/uncoordinated suck) and so BF'ing has become a personal obsession. If I were you, I'd probably keep pumping as long as something was coming out - but that's only what I know I'd do - not really what I'd advise. Do whatever feels right. If it's stressing you out more in the longrun, stop. If stopping would cause you to beat up on yourself, don't stop.

Left Hug

ruthiewith · July 2011

I wouldn't beat yourself up. You've done such an awesome job pumping and providing milk so far! Think of all of the milk you HAVE provided for your LO. I started out pumping 7 times a day and even got to breastfeed for a couple of weeks in the NICU. When I got home it became too much and it turned out that DS (born 11 weeks early too) has severe acid reflux, so he had to go on special formula. I stopped pumping/BF because it became too stressful to handle everything once we transitioned home. I had anxiety and was diagnosed with PPD. For me, the right decision was to stop pumping, take care of my mental health so I could be a happy mom and be there for DS. Your decision will be a tough one, but go with your gut and try not to feel guilty about it (easier said than done!).

mrsV719 · July 2011

ruthiewith:
I wouldn't beat yourself up. You've done such an awesome job pumping and providing milk so far! Think of all of the milk you HAVE provided for your LO. I started out pumping 7 times a day and even got to breastfeed for a couple of weeks in the NICU. When I got home it became too much and it turned out that DS (born 11 weeks early too) has severe acid reflux, so he had to go on special formula. I stopped pumping/BF because it became too stressful to handle everything once we transitioned home. I had anxiety and was diagnosed with PPD. For me, the right decision was to stop pumping, take care of my mental health so I could be a happy mom and be there for DS. Your decision will be a tough one, but go with your gut and try not to feel guilty about it (easier said than done!).

I could have written the parts in bold myself. We had the exact same journey. I had to talk to myself and my LC and my hubby when it got to the point where I wanted to stop. I felt so guilty about it (and parts of me still do) but I never would have been able to do it happily. When I decided to stop, I knew that LO wouldn't be able to be fully on the breast for a long long time (he needed the extra calories). Now with the reflux, I know that he pretty much would never be able to BF. Pumping and bottle feeding is too hard to deal with when you are dealing with a new baby and especially one with reflux. I have about 750oz that I am in the works to donate to local NICU's for other babies. You can only do what you can. Be proud of the fact that you provided something for your LO that no one else could have when they needed it the most.

rachel06 · July 2011

I hope you don't mind me posting. I haven't introduced myself on this board but lurk & find it extremely helpful. I just feel like I don't normally have anything to offer but for a change I think I might. My son was born at 32 weeks 6 days and I started pumping right away. It took forever for my supply to come in even though I was pumping every 3 hours or so & doing everything the doctors & LC's had been instructing me to do. I never came close to producing enough for him to be able to be on all breast milk even though we have to supplement in Neosure for the extra calories he needs.

I like you tried reglan & everything else and nothing really helped. I think I was able to pump a max of 4 oz only 4 or 5 times total. My breaking point came last week when I only pumped 2 oz the entire day even though I was taking reglan. I was exclusively pumping. After discussing things with DH, I decided the best thing for me & my sanity was to stop breast feeding. That time could be better spent with my son. I too have PCOS and was told this likely played a role in my lack of supply. Don't beat yourself up about it. But I should add that I completely understand because I too felt guilty about stopping pumping. But he's still doing great & gaining weight.

yeahimamom · July 2011

I had a huge amount of guilt over this same issue. My babies were born @33 weeks and also in the NICU so I was pumping and driving it an hour to the hospital, then feeding one @ home and driving some for baby b to the hospital all while trying to also care for my DD who is almost 3. I breastfed until both babies were home and it just got to be too overwhelming and seemed impossible to keep up with. The best thing that I did was finally I put the pump away. When it was out on the counter it was a constant reminder. You can only do your best:) Now @ 3 months old baby a is 12.5 lbs and baby b is 10.3 lbs so they are thriving and healthy!

CeeCeeSugaPie · July 2011

I am fighting this battle right now. DH thinks I should just give it up, but I just can't bring myself to do that. I am back at work and I know I am not pumping enough. I keep telling myself every weekend that I am going to pump every 2 hours and I don't do it. I just feel like it takes so much of my time with DS away and I already feel guilty about having to go to work. I have a freezer stash that is rapidly dwindling. Thank God for that oversupply in the beginning. DS gets about 1/2 BM & 1/2 Enfacare right now.

Just wanted to let you know that you are not the only one struggling with this decision. I think it is especially hard for us preemie moms to make this decision. I know that, personally, I still feel a lot of guilt for DS being born 9 weeks early. I had pre-eclampsia and I just wish that my body would have been able to keep him on the inside longer. I feel like giving him BM is the least I could do since my body couldn't hold out any longer, even though I know there is nothing I could have done to prevent the pre-e.

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