Would you go away without LO for a week?

JM712 · July 2011

I have a 3 month old now (our first) and DH wants to go away to Jamaica next April. DD will be 12.5 months at that point and she would stay with my mom for the week whom I trust completely. I can't decide whether or not I definitely want to go. On the one hand it would be really nice to get away with just DH for a week and have all that adult time, but on the other hand I am not sure whether I or DD will be ready. My biggest concerns are that LO would be upset to have us gone for that long and also breastfeeding. I plan to nurse up until a year, so in all likelihood she will be weaned at that point, but what if everything doesn't go exactly as I planned and she is still nursing a little? Having lived through the 12 month age with your little ones, what would you do??

KBLT · July 2011

We've left DD with our parents several times over long weekends to go to weddings. Every time I worry that she is going to miss us and every time she has a fabulous time. The longest we've left her was 5 days when she was 9 months old and she was totally fine. DH and I missed her, of course, but it was so wonderful to have that time for just the two of us. So, if I were in your shoes I would go and enjoy yourself!

hikerbeth · July 2011

I went away for a week when DD was 16 months. She was still nursing a few times a day so I pumped while I was away and it was annoying. If I'd gone when she was 12.5 months, I would have had to pump even more since she cut down her nursing sessions significantly between 12 and 16 months.

DS completely weaned around 13 months and I would have no problem leaving for a week (if only someone would watch them for a week, ahhhhhhhhhhhh).

So it really depends on how inconvenienced you want to be re: pumping if your child is still nursing.

VTFutureMrs · July 2011

Yes, I would do it. It's usually harder on the parents than it is on the child. DS goes to my parents almost every weekend and stays over sometimes and, like the pp, it's so nice to have time for just me and DH.

LoriJ11 · July 2011

I agree with the PP that I'm always nervous when I'm gone thinking that LO is sad. I think it's harder on me though than it is on her. I have only been gone for 2 nights/3 days is my longest. Some of my friends go for longer but most of them say that over 5 days is too much at this point. It is completely a personal choice though. I'm sure many would love 7 days away. It's just not for me.

g8trkim · July 2011

It would definitely be tough. I've never spent a night away, but only because the opportunity has never presented itself. If your mom is someone your LO sees a lot and will be very comfortable around then it should be just fine (it will likely be harder on you). If you know you're going on a trip make a point to wean the month leading up to the trip. Make sure your LO is use to getting bottles/sippys so it's not a complete shock. I BF to 6 1/2 months and it was really easy to wean, but he was getting pumped bottles in the daytime for awhile so it was no big deal for him.

SaranJonathan · July 2011

Personally no not at that age. I breast fed until 15 months and I would have hated to pump. Even now at 17 months I would rather take her with me.

manbearpig31610 · July 2011

I have never been away from DD because I have never had the opportunity. I know leaving her is something I would definitely struggle with but I also know that she would be perfectly fine with her grandparents. Since you'll know the date in advance you can do a couple "trial runs" overnight. I say go for it and enjoy yourself! When it comes to the length of time, it's not like your child will be able to recognize the difference between 5 days and 7 days at that age, so have a fun week with your hubby!

Annie984 · July 2011

No, I wouldn't. However, my son is a very sensitive child. It would be worse on him than it would be on me. He would be a screaming until he puked, inconsolable, hot mess in 12 hours. Every kid is different.

I would wait to make plans until your LO is older and you're better able to judge how she might react.

staceyeileen · July 2011

I wouldn't while breastfeeding, but we stopped just after a year and at 15 months DH and I went away for 5 nights. My mom watched him at our house, so it was no big deal for him since he was in a familiar environment. It was great to get away together, even if it was for a work conference.

MrsWindyCity · July 2011

I couldn't, personally, but that said I have a 15 month old who has never stayed overnight elsewhere. He had a lot of separation anxiety, and also takes a long time to warm up to people he doesn't know well (he doesn't see either of our families that often because they are not nearby).

We'll be gone a couple nights in September, so we're thinking of letting him stay with MIL a night or two until then, so it's not SO different. I also planned to wean at a year but ended up nursing until about 13.5 months. It was my decision to wean, though, so if I were going on a trip, I would have just done it a little earlier. This is one of those things that varies so much by person. I think if your DD has spent nights here and there with someone else, then a week away at that age wouldn't be too bad. But, you also won't know if she has separation anxiety, if she is going through something else, etc. this early on.

anonsouthernbell · July 2011

I personally wouldn't. Why not take her w/you?

MamatoJackson · July 2011

I wouldn't. We had DD when DS was 12 months and I had a c-section so was gone from home for two days. He was with my mother, who I trust completely but I missed him badly. When I came home, I expected no reaction but as soon as I walked in, he RAN across the house and threw his arms around me. That was just two days - A week would be really hard, for both of us.

jday1229 · July 2011

I still won't leave him overnight. He nurses some, mostly at night, but even without that I don't think I would leave him. He's very attached to my mother but even still he gets antsy when I'm gone for more than a few hours. I also WAH so we're not apart very often.

In general, I think it depends on your situation and your child.

WildcatPrincess · July 2011

We did a long weekend last month and that was enough for me. Plus by the 3rd day she was crying every time my mom got her up in the morning/from naps, which made me feel bad, and when we got home she didn't sleep for 2 nights due to separation anxiety. But the trip was fun I pumped twice a day (waking up and right before bed) while we were gone, even though she nurses 3x, and it was enough to keep up my supply. I just dumped the milk since I didn't want to deal with flying with it - that hurt!

MNgirl326 · July 2011

I have left LO at my parents house for 4 days and had no issues with it. I could have probablly left him longer but that was all I needed at the time. LO was fine, I was fine and actually enjoyed having a few days rest. It re-energized me so that when I got LO back i was a much happier, rested and relaxed parent.

Every parent is different, but I personally don't see a problem with it.

CalinsBride · July 2011

I wouldn't have done it at that age, and I wouldn't do it at this age either. It's too young for me to feel comfortable leaving my LO for that long. When they're old enough to understand how long a week is, and that I'll be back, and when they're old enough that they can wake up in the middle of the night and not need me, then I'd think about it. They'd have to be closer to school-aged.

Dreamsicle23 · July 2011

I would LOVE to...no one wants him for that long though Sad

SMA! · July 2011

Theoretically I would. However, from all of the responses you may have gathered that everyone's experience at 12.5 months is different. For us 12.5 months was a challenging time for sleep and I probably would have felt really guilty having anyone else deal with the insane number of times that DD woke up a night. Not to mention we nursed until 17 months and LO didn't ever take a bottle. That being said I think that DD would have ultimately been fine and I could have used the break.

If you know are going away you can work towards weaning and leaving LO with your Mom for a weekend, here and there. That doesn't mean that other issues won't pop up that would make it difficult to be away for that length of time. You have a couple of options. Move the trip back 6 months - a year. LO will be communicating better, weaned and a little more predictable. Or you can book your trip when DH has suggested, go alone if everything is going well, or bring DD along as a lap baby and have a family vacation.

IrishBrideND · July 2011

yep! We recently did 5 days for a wedding, and I'm now only my way back to see her after a week away (she was with H) while I had to go take a grad class.

Is it hard? Yep. But you really have to leave at some point. The first time is always going to be hard. But good for you and good for them.

She had a blast with her grandparents while we were gone. Yes, seperation anxiety is rough right now, but she was fine once we were gone. Their short term memories aren't very good lol.

Also, we have fantastic grandparents who we trust completely. They can easily (and fabulously) full in for us. I think some people cling on to this idea that they NEED their parents for every little thing. That makes sense if you don't have other good adults in your life to leave LO with. But if you do, they'll fill in that role just fine. Its a couple of days. Not a lifetime.

And I love DD to death, but I disagree with the suggestion of bringing LO along. This age is ROUGH in terms of traveling. It wouldn't be a relaxing vaction, lol.

Mrs.Hagen2 · July 2011

Yes, I would and I have. I started leaving DD (my first) once she was weaned at 12 months. She goes to stay with my parents for a week at a time because they live 6 hours away. She loves it and I love it. I started leaving my DS when he was 6 months and I was still nursing. Sure I miss them but its good for me and my marriage to get away without the children every once and a while.

Dreamsicle23 · July 2011

IrishBrideND:
I think some people cling on to this idea that they NEED their parents for every little thing. That makes sense if you don't have other good adults in your life to leave LO with. But if you do, they'll fill in that role just fine. Its a couple of days. Not a lifetime.

I think you nailed it! I think many parents (particularly moms) are unwilling to accept the idea that their LO won't be miserable and crying because they miss you all week long. It's like the idea that their kid needs them 24/7 until they're in kindergarten validates them somehow.

jwthoms1 · July 2011

We are going to leave DS for one night in a couple of weeks. That will be the first time I've ever been away from him overnight. I couldn't handle more than one night at this point. We aren't even going out of town, just an overnight date night. I don't think I could be out of town away from my kid. He'd be fine. I would be a worried mess.

kirkette · July 2011

Yes, we have great family support near us. DH & I are able to get away quite often. It's awesome to have time together. She has a great time with her grandma.

mindingpandq · July 2011

I wish we could. We have never stayed even one night away from LO. She is still a horrible sleeper, up several times at night and often hard to get back to sleep. It just isn't fair to make someone else deal with that. And LO might flip if she woke during the night and we weren't there.

I am soooo jealous of those of you that get to do the sleepovers at grandparents, etc. My parents know how Lo is and have never offered.

melody921 · July 2011

We left DS with my mom for 4 nights when he was a little over 9 months old. He was fine, so I'd think longer would have been OK too. If you're hesitant, maybe don't go for a whole week.

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