What if...Warning pics in siggy — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

What if...Warning pics in siggy

What if....I didn't forget my vitamins.

What if....I had drank more water and less coffee.

What if... I had not drank alcohol before my bfp.

What if... I did not do that yardwork.

What if....I didn't workout.

What if... I suffered with that headache instead of taking Mortrin.

What if... I am too scared to try again.

What if..I let this loss end my dreams.

What if...I take this time heal.

What if...

It's been over a week now.  These are the thoughts that still run through my head, hoping by posting it will help me heal. 

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6/20/11 mc @ 5wks
10/19/11 mc @ 17wks- Trisomy 18
IUI #1 4/26/12 BFN
Moving on to IVF in July
37 with DOR...fabulous
ER 7/14/12 6R 5F, ET 7/17 3 embies, beta #1 7/26: 147, beta #2 7/28: 326, beta#3 7/30: 422...ugh, beta#4 7/31: 607...hopeful, beta #5 8/2: 1280, beta #6 8/7: 7184 and u/s shows 1 possibly 2 sacs! 8/14 2 beautiful heartbeats! 9/24 we are TEAM BLUE!!!!!
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Re: What if...Warning pics in siggy

  • I have "what if" questions run through my head a lot too. I try not to let them take over. As time goes on, it gets a little easier to let them just be a fleeting thought.
    BFP 1: 3/25/11 -- m/c: 4/21/11 @ 9w 2d

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  • I'm so sorry hunny. These thoughts are really hard, and I definitely have them too. But what happened was not your fault. There isn't anything that you could have or should have done differently to change the outcome. Big hugs to you, and don't be afraid to try again when the time is right...
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  • I am so very sorry for your loss. I love the idea of your post. Mind if I add a few of mine?

    What if... I had refused that second hand smoke filled rental car.

    What if... I hadn't had to work 5 events in 2 days when my baby was dying.

    What if... I hadn't moved back into our house just a few days after our floors were refinished with that strong smelling product during the cycle that gave me a BFP.

    What if... I had waited for 3 whole cycles after stopping BCP.

    What if... I had told my parents about the pregnancy earlier so I didn't have to tell them about the loss and the pregnancy at the same time.

    What if... I have to go through this again. 

    What if... My EDD comes around before I get pregnant again. 

    What if... My baby had made it and would be only 7 months younger than her cousin. 

     

    TTC #1 since January 2011
    BFP#1 April 12, 2011, EDD December 24, 2011, strong heart beat at 7w3d, d&c at 10w6d
    BFP#2 Oct 24, 2011, natural miscarriage, EDD unknown
    After RPL testing my losses and subsequent infertility are considered unexplained.
    Cycle #22: Femara, TI, and progesterone = BFP!! 
    BFP#3 Dec 21, 2012. Beta #1 @14dpo = 134, progesterone 67.8. Beta #2 @ 17dpo = 664! Team green, EDD 9/1/13, healthy baby boy born 9/12/13!
    imageimage  My chart.


    Congratulations to the fabulous KGS2003! Her sweet boys are here! Grow boys grow!!!
  • I was a little nervous about posting my "what if's", but I think I'm gonna go ahead and do it.

    What if... I had never put my body through the torture of an eating disorder when I was younger?

    What if... I hadn't eaten that piece of chocolate that turned out to be drugged early in my pregnancy (before I knew I was pg)? (side note: I didn't know that this chocolate had a drug in it until after I started feeling it's effects. I'm not happy with the person who made them, put them in the fridge, and didn't label them.)

    What if... I had stuck with my BCP at a younger age to help regulate my period.

    What if... I didn't work out the couple of days before the bleeding started?

    What if... I didn't have the starts of a UTI the two days before I actually m/c?

    What if... My fiance and I hadn't been getting hot and heavy that morning before the contractions started?

    What if... This happens again?

    What if... I get pg again by accident before the wedding?

    What if... I have several m/c's?

    What if... There is something medically wrong with me and I won't find out about it before I go through this several more times?

    What if... I can't hold it together on Thanksgiving with my family (my EDD)? 

    BFP 1: 3/25/11 -- m/c: 4/21/11 @ 9w 2d

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  • what if...I had suffered through the vomiting and didn't take the phenergan?

    what if...I didn't take those baths ( i didn't think they were too hot, but what if?)

    what if...I didn't stop taking my PNV because they were making me sick?

    what if...I had my bloodwork done earlier? Would there have been something they saw and could have done?

    what if...I had waited three instead of two months to TTC after BCP?

    what if...I am too scared to try again?

    what if...I am too scared to try again and miss out on having a family?

    Chemical Pregnancy 2001, Married 8/8/09, TTC April 2011, BFP 5/8/11, Missed M/C @ 9wk5d, D&C 6/21/11 BFP 11/13/11 Chase Everett born at 29wks 0 days on 5/7/12 at 2 lbs 14 oz, 14 1/2 inches long.
  • *********DS and BF mention********** 

     

     

     

     

     

     

    I do the same thing.  I'm sure we all do it.  I wish I could shut off my brain sometimes.

    What if I had stomped pumping BM as soon as I found out we were pregnant?

    What if had eaten a better diet?

    What if I hadn't tripped and fell that weekend?

    What if it takes me a year to ovulate because of my crazy hormones?

     

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    ~Started TTC 2/09. BFP #1 11/09. EDD 8/7/10. DS born 8/7/10.~
    ~Surprise BFP #2 5/11 while still BF'ing. Natural M/C @ 7w3d.~
    ~BFP #3 8/11. EDD 4/24/12. Heavy bleeding episodes from a lost twin. DD born 4/14/12.~
    ~Started TTC 2/13. BFP #4 3/13. EDD 11/8/13. Hoping for smooth sailing!~
  • These "what ifs" constantly run through my head too. I try to remind myself that there was nothing I could have done differently, but I can't help but wonder...

     

    What if I had been healthier when I got KU?

    What if I hadn't taken antidepressants the first 8 weeks?

    What if we hadn't had sex the day before my water broke?

    What if I hadn't taken those antibiotics before I knew I was pregnant?

    What if I hadn't had that infection in the first place?

    What if they would have given me antibiotics when my water first broke instead of waiting?

    What if I hadn't "pushed" when I felt like I needed to right before my water broke?

    What if I had started my prenatals sooner?

    What if I hadn't taken the morning sickness medication? 

    What if I had not slept on my stomach sometimes? 

     What if I didn't have a job that required me to be on my feet and moving around so much?

    What if they had noticed something was wrong with my cervix sooner? 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    BFP on 1/1/11; pPROM at 19 weeks; Jameson Thomas born on 4/5/11 at 20 weeks.

    Imagine a love so strong that saying hello and goodbye the same day was worth the sorrow.
  • What if I didn't get a UTI

    What if I didn't take antibiotics

    What if I hadn't worked out so hard before my BFP

    What if I hadn't been on such a strict diet before my BFP

    What if I had been more responsible about keeping track of my cycles and poas earlier

    What if I had taken prenatals before I was 8 weeks along

    What if I hadn't helped DH move a kitchen table in the house

    What if I hadn't counted my chickens before they hatched... 

     And the list could go on and on.  I try not to feel like my loss was my fault, but those thoughts constantly creep into my mind.

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    TTC #2 since 11.08,
    Sept - December 2010 - 4 rounds of Clomid = BFN,
    January - May 2011 - on a ttc break,
    BFP 5.30.11 Missed MC 6.22.11 D&C 6.24.11 at 11weeks,
    Aug 2011 IUI#1=BFN,

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Tips"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/ttd2072.aspx" alt=" BabyFruit Ticker" border="0" /></a>
  • WOW.....here we go1

    What if.....I would have know what a contraction felt like

    What if..... a mothers intuition is always right

    What if.....they did more umbilical cord testing

    What if..... i didnt work such long hard stressful hours

    What if.... those cases of beer hadnt fallen on we when I was 13w

    What if...... they would have caught that her umbilical cord was too short during the many u/s

    What if....i hadnt tested positive for GBS

    What if...... I didnt have sex with DH the last day I felt her moving

    What if.....I didnt occasionally have a sip of alcohol

    What if.......I had eaten all of my meats cook extremely well done

    What if....... I hadnt eaten deli meats

    What if....... I had found out about short cord syndrom sooner

    What if..... there was ANY sort of research on SCS

    What if..... I had just excepted help when it was offered while pg

    Im know that there are several more but now Im crying so hard that I cant see the screen anymore...

    What if........ there was a way I could have saved my daughter

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  • image LoveOfMikesLife:

    WOW.....here we go1

    What if.....I would have know what a contraction felt like

    What if..... a mothers intuition is always right

    What if.....they did more umbilical cord testing

    What if..... i didnt work such long hard stressful hours

    What if.... those cases of beer hadnt fallen on we when I was 13w

    What if...... they would have caught that her umbilical cord was too short during the many u/s

    What if....i hadnt tested positive for GBS

    What if...... I didnt have sex with DH the last day I felt her moving

    What if.....I didnt occasionally have a sip of alcohol

    What if.......I had eaten all of my meats cook extremely well done

    What if....... I hadnt eaten deli meats

    What if....... I had found out about short cord syndrom sooner

    What if..... there was ANY sort of research on SCS

    What if..... I had just excepted help when it was offered while pg

    Im know that there are several more but now Im crying so hard that I cant see the screen anymore...

    What if........ there was a way I could have saved my daughter

    you brought tears to my eyes. Right Hug

    Chemical Pregnancy 2001, Married 8/8/09, TTC April 2011, BFP 5/8/11, Missed M/C @ 9wk5d, D&C 6/21/11 BFP 11/13/11 Chase Everett born at 29wks 0 days on 5/7/12 at 2 lbs 14 oz, 14 1/2 inches long.
  • image coastalmaine:
    image LoveOfMikesLife:

    WOW.....here we go1

    What if.....I would have know what a contraction felt like

    What if..... a mothers intuition is always right

    What if.....they did more umbilical cord testing

    What if..... i didnt work such long hard stressful hours

    What if.... those cases of beer hadnt fallen on we when I was 13w

    What if...... they would have caught that her umbilical cord was too short during the many u/s

    What if....i hadnt tested positive for GBS

    What if...... I didnt have sex with DH the last day I felt her moving

    What if.....I didnt occasionally have a sip of alcohol

    What if.......I had eaten all of my meats cook extremely well done

    What if....... I hadnt eaten deli meats

    What if....... I had found out about short cord syndrom sooner

    What if..... there was ANY sort of research on SCS

    What if..... I had just excepted help when it was offered while pg

    Im know that there are several more but now Im crying so hard that I cant see the screen anymore...

    What if........ there was a way I could have saved my daughter

    you brought tears to my eyes. Right Hug

    the bad thing is that I have soo many more! I don't blame my Dr at all for what happened, she is an amazing Dr and has called me at least 3 times a week since it happened to see if I'm ok or if I have any questions for her! I blame that I truely believe what happened in my situation is preventable if there would be more testing done. My husband and I are actually working on starting short cord syndrome awareness.
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • image LoveOfMikesLife:
    image coastalmaine:
    image LoveOfMikesLife:

    WOW.....here we go1

    What if.....I would have know what a contraction felt like

    What if..... a mothers intuition is always right

    What if.....they did more umbilical cord testing

    What if..... i didnt work such long hard stressful hours

    What if.... those cases of beer hadnt fallen on we when I was 13w

    What if...... they would have caught that her umbilical cord was too short during the many u/s

    What if....i hadnt tested positive for GBS

    What if...... I didnt have sex with DH the last day I felt her moving

    What if.....I didnt occasionally have a sip of alcohol

    What if.......I had eaten all of my meats cook extremely well done

    What if....... I hadnt eaten deli meats

    What if....... I had found out about short cord syndrom sooner

    What if..... there was ANY sort of research on SCS

    What if..... I had just excepted help when it was offered while pg

    Im know that there are several more but now Im crying so hard that I cant see the screen anymore...

    What if........ there was a way I could have saved my daughter

    you brought tears to my eyes. Right Hug

    the bad thing is that I have soo many more! I don't blame my Dr at all for what happened, she is an amazing Dr and has called me at least 3 times a week since it happened to see if I'm ok or if I have any questions for her! I blame that I truely believe what happened in my situation is preventable if there would be more testing done. My husband and I are actually working on starting short cord syndrome awareness.

    I have never heard of short cord syndrome (not that I know very much about pregnancy anyway).  What an unfair thing to happen. That makes me so angry.  It wold be great if you could help others become aware of it...my heart goes out to you.

    Chemical Pregnancy 2001, Married 8/8/09, TTC April 2011, BFP 5/8/11, Missed M/C @ 9wk5d, D&C 6/21/11 BFP 11/13/11 Chase Everett born at 29wks 0 days on 5/7/12 at 2 lbs 14 oz, 14 1/2 inches long.
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