Sex Therapy Round 1=FAIL...update and vent

PenelopePond · June 2011

First I would like to say thank you to everyone that was so supportive yesterday! It really helped to calm me down before my appointment. For those of you that missed the post you didn't miss much. I can't link to it since I'm on my phone, but I'm going to sex therapy because I've never had an orgasm and feel like it's about time. So the appointment was a huge fail today. Part of it is my fault. Since I'm a SAHM I took DS with me. He's a good kid. He is very good at keeping himself occupied with toys and books, which I brought plenty of, so I thought it would be okay. Well this therapist lady had so much stuff...so so much...and he didn't want to play with what I brouught him, just with what was in her office. I made sure he didn't get in to anything bad and told her all about my problem. Fifteen minutes into it she asked that I reschedule because DS was all over. Yes, my fault, I know. So she asked that I make a new appointment and make sure I have a babysitter for DS. Okay, fine. Then she tells me that she thinks my problems is because I don't know how my body works and she's going to give me a lesson. Umm okay, sure...but I just told you my body works just fine. My body does all of wat it's suppose to do. She says I need to learn (sorry) about my clitoris. Nope..got it figured out thanks. I told her it's my brain that's the problem and she totally ignored it. Completely. &#($(&@$(!@# listen lady...body is fine, brain is screwed up. I don't need an anatomy lesson. So on top of her not listening at all she was a bit rude about DS (the receptionist said people bring their kids all the time) and then when I go to leave after 15 minutes they say they're going to charge me my $50 copay. Ummm no. I would stay the whole time but I'm being asked to leave, so I don't feel like I should be charged. I don't think she ended up charging me for today but if she did she's totally going to hear about it next week. I'm going back and trying again next Thursday. I got a babysitter for DS. I am going to tell her I don't feel like she listened and I don't feel like I need an anatomy lesson. If next week is as bad I'm going to find a new person. On a TTGP note...my AC broke in the middle of the night last night and I couldn't sleep because it was too hot. I just kept thinking "If I don't get to sleep soon I won't be able to temp in the morning!" Hahaha

Since I'm tryping this from my phone I apologize for any spelling/grammar errors. And I promise to not always update on the therapy. I am today since you all were so supportive yesterday.

PenelopePond · June 2011

Sorry there are no paragraphs. Apparently my phone won't do that.

DChunt09 · June 2011

Ugh, that totally sucks and I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that! I would have done/thought the same thing as you.

If I were you, I would go somewhere else. Good luck!!

Moneypenny424 · June 2011

Ugh, I'm sorry it wasn't more productive. I agree, find someone else. I imagine that most women who visit her have never "explored" their own bodies and may need to learn about the clitoris (I didn't read yesterday's post, but that was what I was going to say to you too). Since you know your body, it is clear that, at the very least, you need someone who listens to what you're saying.

I can't say for certain, but you probably are responsible for the copay. The doctor couldn't treat you with DS running around (sounds like the poor guy was excited to see so many new things!), but she still had to block the time. Hopefully she won't, but she may.

megemoney · June 2011

I am so sorry to hear that your appointment was a bust. I hope that you and she can get on the same page next appointment.

I agree that if she doesn't listen to you and your needs, that you should try to find a new one!

Lots of luck to you!

Babybear70 · June 2011

Sorry to hear that your appt. sucked. I hate it when Drs don't listen. But on another note, when you say you have never Orgasmed, are you limiting that to just being with DH or ever like even by yourself? It makes a difference. And also, it may not totally be your brain, it might be positioning. I know women who can't O with their DH ever, or can only O during anal (sorry tmi). For me, I can only O when I'm on the bottom, never on top. So it might still be a little bit about learning your body, but maybe not in the context she put it in. Good luck! And if she still continues to roll over you with her Dr. gibberish, find someone else.

PenelopePond · June 2011

Babybear70:
Sorry to hear that your appt. sucked. I hate it when Drs don't listen. But on another note, when you say you have never Orgasmed, are you limiting that to just being with DH or ever like even by yourself? It makes a difference. And also, it may not totally be your brain, it might be positioning. I know women who can't O with their DH ever, or can only O during anal (sorry tmi). For me, I can only O when I'm on the bottom, never on top. So it might still be a little bit about learning your body, but maybe not in the context she put it in. Good luck! And if she still continues to roll over you with her Dr. gibberish, find someone else.

Not at all. Not by myself...with or without a vibrator. Not with previous partners. It doesn't matter what position. My body does what it's suppose to. Things feel good...really good...like it's suppose to. My brain doesn't turn off and just let me enjoy what's going on. I'm thinking about all kinds of stupid stuff. I never just relax or exist in the moment...I'm always thinking and not usually about sex (sorry DH!). I feel like my body has had an orgasm but it never registers with my brain and my brain doesn't respond.and I think because of that I'm eternally sexually frustrated. I always want sex. Always. As soon as sex is done I'm ready to do it again. If this is all run together again I apologize...dumb phone.

sunflowers4AC · June 2011

Sorry to hear that it didn't go so well today. I hope that next week goes better for you. Good Luck!

Mjmksb04 · June 2011

Not to be a jerk, but I don't know why you think you shouldn't have to pay or why you would have thought it was okay to attempt the appointment with your DS. You at least owe her the money for having the appointment time set aside for you. It is probably hard to make a connection with a therapist with all of the distraction. I would give her another chance and try to go in it with an open mind before you call it quits.

Mother Meghan · June 2011

Oh man that's awful! I can't believe they didn't mention anything when you made the appointment. Either way, sex therapy can be a touchy thing for some people, you would think they'd be a little more kind during the appointment. If it were me, I wouldn't reschedule, I'd just find a new therapist. I don't know how common they are though, I hope you're able to find someone you're comfortable with.

Good for you for standing up for yourself.

Babybear70 · June 2011

AndreaR1983:
Babybear70:
Sorry to hear that your appt. sucked. I hate it when Drs don't listen. But on another note, when you say you have never Orgasmed, are you limiting that to just being with DH or ever like even by yourself? It makes a difference. And also, it may not totally be your brain, it might be positioning. I know women who can't O with their DH ever, or can only O during anal (sorry tmi). For me, I can only O when I'm on the bottom, never on top. So it might still be a little bit about learning your body, but maybe not in the context she put it in. Good luck! And if she still continues to roll over you with her Dr. gibberish, find someone else.
Not at all. Not by myself...with or without a vibrator. Not with previous partners. It doesn't matter what position. My body does what it's suppose to. Things feel good...really good...like it's suppose to. My brain doesn't turn off and just let me enjoy what's going on. I'm thinking about all kinds of stupid stuff. I never just relax or exist in the moment...I'm always thinking and not usually about sex (sorry DH!). I feel like my body has had an orgasm but it never registers with my brain and my brain doesn't respond.and I think because of that I'm eternally sexually frustrated. I always want sex. Always. As soon as sex is done I'm ready to do it again. If this is all run together again I apologize...dumb phone.

Ahhhh.... Well I hope that somewhere along the way you can find a way to turn off your brain. I know I do that sometimes, and I have to make a conscious effort to "be in the moment" so I know where you are coming from. Good luck in finding a solution....I wish I could be more help to you. Keep your chin up.....

PenelopePond · June 2011

Mjmksb04:
Not to be a jerk, but I don't know why you think you shouldn't have to pay or why you would have thought it was okay to attempt the appointment with your DS. You at least owe her the money for having the appointment time set aside for you. It is probably hard to make a connection with a therapist with all of the distraction. I would give her another chance and try to go in it with an open mind before you call it quits.

I do understand the needing to pay. I know I didn't say that. I was in vent mode. I worked for a dr and know full well about payment. However, I wanted to stay and keep talking. I took DS because the receptionist said people do it all the time. Had she sad no I wouldn't have made an appointment for today and waited until I had a babysitter. I am going to give her another chance. I hope it goes better.

katyms7 · June 2011

Good luck next week. If it doesn't go better then yes find a new one. You have to have a good personal connection with her.

Good luck and I am hoping next week is better. I still think you going to a therapist is great because you are working towards finding the answer.

babiesbabiesbabies · June 2011

so sorry your appointment was a bust. Wishing you luck at your next one!

tkbaby12 · June 2011

Wow, that does suck! If I were you, I'd probably find someone else, simply based on the fact that she wasn't listening to you and wanted to give you an anatomy lesson. Since you are going back to her, I hope she listens better!! Best of luck!

WorkinWeezel · June 2011

I'm so sorry you had such a tough experience, especially regarding such a sensitive issue. I probably would give it another try, and then reschedule if the next time she doesn't have better bedside manner. Good luck!

Bubbalub · June 2011

I'm sorry to hear your appointment didn't go as you had hoped. I'm going to play devil's advocate for a moment, though.

Have you ever been to any other kind of therapy? I ask because when I started seeing a therapist for my anxiety the first few appointments were a bunch of "tests", for lack of a better term, that seemed to be kind of ridiculous to me at the time. I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere and that these tests were sort of useless or childish. But the reality was that the therapist had a method of getting a baseline on me that she used to formulate a form of therapy that would work best for ME.

Perhaps your therapist is going through a similar checklist with you. The anatomy lesson/questions are possibly the first thing she asks EVERY patient, to get an idea of what you really know instead of just what you think you know or say you know. (Not trying to say that you don't actually know your own body or anything, just to be clear.) I mean, I could tell my therapist all day long about what I thought was going on with me when I started seeing her but the reality is that she was the expert, not me, and I needed to trust her judgement and her methods in order to really benefit from the sessions. Once I did that we really clicked and I started making a lot of improvement.

I would suggest that you give her a few sessions before trying to find someone new.

andy71781 · June 2011

Mjmksb04:
Not to be a jerk, but I don't know why you think you shouldn't have to pay or why you would have thought it was okay to attempt the appointment with your DS. You at least owe her the money for having the appointment time set aside for you. It is probably hard to make a connection with a therapist with all of the distraction. I would give her another chance and try to go in it with an open mind before you call it quits.

I really agree. I can't imagine anyone thinking its a good idea to take their kid to a sex therapy appointment.

sheilatakesabow · June 2011

Bubbalub:

I'm sorry to hear your appointment didn't go as you had hoped. I'm going to play devil's advocate for a moment, though.

Have you ever been to any other kind of therapy? I ask because when I started seeing a therapist for my anxiety the first few appointments were a bunch of "tests", for lack of a better term, that seemed to be kind of ridiculous to me at the time. I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere and that these tests were sort of useless or childish. But the reality was that the therapist had a method of getting a baseline on me that she used to formulate a form of therapy that would work best for ME.

Perhaps your therapist is going through a similar checklist with you. The anatomy lesson/questions are possibly the first thing she asks EVERY patient, to get an idea of what you really know instead of just what you think you know or say you know. (Not trying to say that you don't actually know your own body or anything, just to be clear.) I mean, I could tell my therapist all day long about what I thought was going on with me when I started seeing her but the reality is that she was the expert, not me, and I needed to trust her judgement and her methods in order to really benefit from the sessions. Once I did that we really clicked and I started making a lot of improvement.

I would suggest that you give her a few sessions before trying to find someone new.

That sounds like really good advice!

PenelopePond · June 2011

Bubbalub:
I'm sorry to hear your appointment didn't go as you had hoped. I'm going to play devil's advocate for a moment, though.
Have you ever been to any other kind of therapy? I ask because when I started seeing a therapist for my anxiety the first few appointments were a bunch of "tests", for lack of a better term, that seemed to be kind of ridiculous to me at the time. I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere and that these tests were sort of useless or childish. But the reality was that the therapist had a method of getting a baseline on me that she used to formulate a form of therapy that would work best for ME.
Perhaps your therapist is going through a similar checklist with you. The anatomy lesson/questions are possibly the first thing she asks EVERY patient, to get an idea of what you really know instead of just what you think you know or say you know. (Not trying to say that you don't actually know your own body or anything, just to be clear.) I mean, I could tell my therapist all day long about what I thought was going on with me when I started seeing her but the reality is that she was the expert, not me, and I needed to trust her judgement and her methods in order to really benefit from the sessions. Once I did that we really clicked and I started making a lot of improvement.
I would suggest that you give her a few sessions before trying to find someone new.

I saw a therapist I few years back for regular stress. I was having a hard time living in Florida so far away from my family in Wisconsin. She didn't do any tests or anything of that sort, so I didn't think of that. The way this therapist made is sound was that she thought I needed education. I do see how it would be beneficial to make sure everyone has a baseline knowledge of the way things work to proceed with beneficial therapy. So thank you (truly, sincerely) for pointing that out. I didn't think of that. My plan right now is to go back next week and see how it goes. Basically start the process over.

PenelopePond · June 2011

andy71781:
Mjmksb04:
Not to be a jerk, but I don't know why you think you shouldn't have to pay or why you would have thought it was okay to attempt the appointment with your DS. You at least owe her the money for having the appointment time set aside for you. It is probably hard to make a connection with a therapist with all of the distraction. I would give her another chance and try to go in it with an open mind before you call it quits.

I really agree. I can't imagine anyone thinking its a good idea to take their kid to a sex therapy appointment.

The receptionist said people do it all the time. I wasn't planning on making a habit of it. I've been putting off making an appointment because I was scared, so when I finally called and they said they could get me in the next day I figured I should go for it so I wouldn't put it off anymore. I didn't have time to find a babysitter...not that I really know any anyways. If the receptionist hadn't said it was okay I wouldn't have brought him. Plus, it's not like I'm going to be naked, viewing porn, playing with vibrators or anything like that in front of him. We are teaching DS the correct terms for all body parts, so if he hears me say penis or vagina in therapy it's already something he's heard. The rest of the stuff he doesn't understand right now. I know he will at some point, but not now. And I don't think one appointment will scar him for life.

LovestruckAJ · June 2011

It is so frustrating when you go to a therapist or doctor for help & they don't listen, much less even TRY to understand what the real problem is. I hope your next appointment goes better & that you're able to voice your concerns on what YOU feel might be causing your issue. For her to suggest that you, a grown woman, doesn't know about her clitoris is almost insulting & trivializes what the real problem might be! Sounds like you have a plan for next time though. Stick to it. Yes

Good luck!

MiniSteph · June 2011

AndreaR1983:
Babybear70:
Sorry to hear that your appt. sucked. I hate it when Drs don't listen. But on another note, when you say you have never Orgasmed, are you limiting that to just being with DH or ever like even by yourself? It makes a difference. And also, it may not totally be your brain, it might be positioning. I know women who can't O with their DH ever, or can only O during anal (sorry tmi). For me, I can only O when I'm on the bottom, never on top. So it might still be a little bit about learning your body, but maybe not in the context she put it in. Good luck! And if she still continues to roll over you with her Dr. gibberish, find someone else.
Not at all. Not by myself...with or without a vibrator. Not with previous partners. It doesn't matter what position. My body does what it's suppose to. Things feel good...really good...like it's suppose to. My brain doesn't turn off and just let me enjoy what's going on. I'm thinking about all kinds of stupid stuff. I never just relax or exist in the moment...I'm always thinking and not usually about sex (sorry DH!). I feel like my body has had an orgasm but it never registers with my brain and my brain doesn't respond.and I think because of that I'm eternally sexually frustrated. I always want sex. Always. As soon as sex is done I'm ready to do it again. If this is all run together again I apologize...dumb phone.

This exactly. I have the same problem. I'll start thinking one random thing and then it just goes from there. "I have a doctor's appointment on Friday...my hips don't lie...oh, new Doctor Who episode tonight!...darn you brain shut up!" Yeah, that's pretty much what happens to me. Just shush brain! A lot of the time it's a song that's stuck in my head.

My counselor (or therapist if you prefer) helped me with this. Still happens, but not as much.

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Sex Therapy Round 1=FAIL...update and vent

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Me: 30, DH: 33 Married 8/3/08 BFP 7/16/2012 (8th cycle), EDD 3/27/2012, Delivered 3/24/2013 - IT'S A BOY!

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Me: 30, DH: 33 Married 8/3/08
BFP 7/16/2012 (8th cycle), EDD 3/27/2012, Delivered 3/24/2013 - IT'S A BOY!