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I am having a very hard time with my almost 3 yo

kmc217kmc217 member
in Toddlers: 24 Months+

Someone (either here or on SAHM) recommended the book The Highly Sensitive Child and this fits my DD1 to a t. I am really struggling with her. She is verbally/cognitively very advanced (like a 5 year old verbally) but is emotionally very young. She wakes up whining/crying/having a fit and does so ALL.DAY.LONG. It has gotten worse as DD2 gets older and more into things therefore needing more attention. She is very "type A" and a mini control freak and has been since day one and does not adapt well to changes and deviations from her expectations. I try to prepare her well in advance for as much as possible. In regards to her emotional outbursts, I have tried ignoring, extra attention, hugs and babying her, telling her she's my big girl, reward/praise for good behavior all with inconsistent results. What kills me is she is totally fine 80% of the time when I am not around. My mom had her overnight Tuesday until about 4pm yesterday and she didn't turn back into the demon child until the minute I went to go get her. You literally never know whether a happy wonderful child or a complete raging maniac is going to appear from minute to minute. It is so draining and honestly (flame away) makes it hard to like her at times even though I love her to pieces. Any help/encouragement would be appreciated!

 

DD1 7/10/08  DD2 8/11/10  DS 7/2/13

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Re: I am having a very hard time with my almost 3 yo

  • BrewtowngrlBrewtowngrl member
    You are not alone.  I will tell you it gets better.  DS2 is starting to be able to play simple games like catch so those two can interact instead of just fighting over toys.  3 year old (and 2 for that matter) are a little bi-polar with their mood.  Some days we just have to let him go to his room and let him scream.  He does much better most of the time after he has let it out. DS2 is also starting to walk.  He gets huge praise for that.  We tell DS1 that we are excited to have 2 big boys because big boys are more fun.  For the most part I think it is a phase we are going to have to deal with. 
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  • dazidogdazidog

    I don't have any advice for you, just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain. DD#1 is the exact same way. Actually just last night, during one of her many tantrums, I started crying and told DH I don't think I can take it anymore. Like you said, it is draining and surely does make it hard to like them (their behavior) when they are constantly having tantrums.

    We too have read all the books, tried every approach, and while it may get slightly better for a short time the crazy toddler always comes back. I've been told that 3 can be worse than 2 (sorry) so I guess we just have to learn to live with it for a bit longer:(

     

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  • mlf625mlf625
    Are you spending one-on-one time with her?  I know that makes a big difference for DS.  I'll have my mom keep DD and take DS out to do something fun and just for "big boys".  Or I'll stay home and get DD fed and ready for bed while DH takes DS to get a happy meal and run an errand.  I think his behavior seriously improves when he's getting this solo time with mom and/or dad.  I know it's tough to divide up time like that, but it's worth it at our house.
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  • dazidogdazidog

    imagemlf625:
    Are you spending one-on-one time with her?  I know that makes a big difference for DS.  I'll have my mom keep DD and take DS out to do something fun and just for "big boys".  Or I'll stay home and get DD fed and ready for bed while DH takes DS to get a happy meal and run an errand.  I think his behavior seriously improves when he's getting this solo time with mom and/or dad.  I know it's tough to divide up time like that, but it's worth it at our house.

     

    This is great advice and we tried doing this as well, a lot actually in the first two weeks that DD#2 was home but it made no difference for our DD at all. She had tantrums before her special outings, during them, and once back home. Not every time mind you but it didn't improve her behavior overall. Maybe (and hopefully) it will work better for you like it did above.

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  • kmc217kmc217 member
    imagedazidog:

    imagemlf625:
    Are you spending one-on-one time with her?  I know that makes a big difference for DS.  I'll have my mom keep DD and take DS out to do something fun and just for "big boys".  Or I'll stay home and get DD fed and ready for bed while DH takes DS to get a happy meal and run an errand.  I think his behavior seriously improves when he's getting this solo time with mom and/or dad.  I know it's tough to divide up time like that, but it's worth it at our house.

     

    This is great advice and we tried doing this as well, a lot actually in the first two weeks that DD#2 was home but it made no difference for our DD at all. She had tantrums before her special outings, during them, and once back home. Not every time mind you but it didn't improve her behavior overall. Maybe (and hopefully) it will work better for you like it did above.

    We have tried lots of special one on one things with DD1... with me, DH, my mom and they may help in the short term or they may not... there really is no pattern with her behavior. I actually called the pedi about it today and he feels she is still within the realm of normal for her age but that she's on the high end and is an intense child in general. Fun times. Looking forward to the teenage years.

     

    DD1 7/10/08  DD2 8/11/10  DS 7/2/13

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  • kmc217kmc217 member
    imagedazidog:

    imagemlf625:
    Are you spending one-on-one time with her?  I know that makes a big difference for DS.  I'll have my mom keep DD and take DS out to do something fun and just for "big boys".  Or I'll stay home and get DD fed and ready for bed while DH takes DS to get a happy meal and run an errand.  I think his behavior seriously improves when he's getting this solo time with mom and/or dad.  I know it's tough to divide up time like that, but it's worth it at our house.

     

    This is great advice and we tried doing this as well, a lot actually in the first two weeks that DD#2 was home but it made no difference for our DD at all. She had tantrums before her special outings, during them, and once back home. Not every time mind you but it didn't improve her behavior overall. Maybe (and hopefully) it will work better for you like it did above.

    We have tried lots of special one on one things with DD1... with me, DH, my mom and they may help in the short term or they may not... there really is no pattern with her behavior. I actually called the pedi about it today and he feels she is still within the realm of normal for her age but that she's on the high end and is an intense child in general. Fun times. Looking forward to the teenage years.

     

    DD1 7/10/08  DD2 8/11/10  DS 7/2/13

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