I know that was not meant to hurt but it did!- vent — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I know that was not meant to hurt but it did!- vent

So this girl I work with came into my office just to tell she was pregnant. She was going on and on about how she feels dues, etc. She spent 20 mins in my office telling me all about it, in full details. Then asked me when I am going to get pg. She did not know about what happened last month or about all the things that arose from my m/c. I told her I had some medical things I needed to sort out before I get pg. She told me I better hurry up and I wont go into details what she said about age. I just felt like saying not today Monday I found out I have another medical dx that may make it tricky to have a baby and now I have you in my office. I know she really did not try to make me feel bad but she did!
TTC #1 since 5/10 BFP 4/9/11 Natural M/C 5/15/11 Hypothyroidism and PCOS Clomid 1/13...

Re: I know that was not meant to hurt but it did!- vent

  • I would have told her the truth.  I think too often women feel ashamed somehow of this and WE SHOULD NOT!  It is not your fault and you should not feel that you must hide it, unless you just do not want to share, then of course that is completely up to you.  But, I personally would have told her at least so she would think in the future before inquiring about someone else's reproductive plans.  Maybe if more of us would be blunt people would eventually get the point.

    I am so sorry for your loss and for your day.  I hope it gets better!

    Hugs,
    Jenn

    We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013.  We love her to pieces.  

    We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011.  She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.


  • Ug, some people need a lesson in manners. It is just not right to ask women these questions...I mean seriously, you just never know what a couple is going through in their personal lives. If someone doesn't have kids, there's a reason, whether it be medical or just by choice...but that is none of anyone's business! And it's definitely not ok to pull the whole age card on someone. Grrr...

     I'm sorry she hurt you. I'm sure it was accidental, but you may want to gently let her know what's going on with you so she doesn't continue to ask you. I have a co-worker that used to ask me every time she saw me if I was pregnant and how come I wasn't pregnant yet. After the loss, I told her what was going on because I couldn't deal with her constant painful reminders.

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  • I'm sorry you had to deal with that. DH and I get a lot of the "when are you going to have a baby" talk from his family, and since our m/c, I've been very blunt, and it shuts them up. It's funny how telling someone that you were pregnant makes them feel like an asshat for asking the questions--as they should. 

    I've been telling people that I've had a miscarriage if they ask about our baby plans. My ute is none of their business, but if they ask, they'll get the story. I know it's not that easy for everyone, but I've found that being up front about my m/c is kind of cathartic for me.   

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  • If there is one thing I have learned from my m/c it is to never "brag" about or "flaunt" your pg or complain about symptoms of it in public. You never know what people have gone through.
    BFP 1: 3/25/11 -- m/c: 4/21/11 @ 9w 2d

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  • image DancingWarriorUSMC:
    If there is one thing I have learned from my m/c it is to never "brag" about or "flaunt" your pg or complain about symptoms of it in public. You never know what people have gone through.

     

    You could not have said it better!

    TTC #1 since 5/10 BFP 4/9/11 Natural M/C 5/15/11 Hypothyroidism and PCOS Clomid 1/13...
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