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Intro and question

NicoleR0306NicoleR0306 member
in TTC After a Loss

Hi girls. I decided to post on this board because last year in June I lost my twins at 8 and 9 weeks. It was the worst feeling in the world and I haven't completely gotten over it but I don't think I ever will. My husband and I just got married in May and after talking about when we wanted to start trying and consulting my doctors (I have had cancer 3 times since I was 20) we agreed that we would start trying and let fate take over. Last night we were at my MIL house and he decided to tell her that we are going to start trying to have a baby and will let her know when I am pregnant. I know she is family but I honestly didn't want to tell anyone that we were going to start trying and especially if and when I get pregnant I do not want to tell anyone until after my 1st trimester (we told everyone with the twins when I first found out-lesson learned there). I told him when we got home that I really don't want people knowing and especially after the 1st trimester do I not want to tell anyone because of what we went through before. He just told me that its been a year and he would have expected me to be over it by now and that at somepoint I just need to move on. He had a hard time when it happened but I think he got over it quicker because I wasn't that far along and he didn't really that connection to the babies like I did.

Have you and your SO talked about when you find out what you both want to do or how long you want to wait? How did you explain it to you SO?

 Thank you girls!

Its a girl!! Cameron Rae born 1/8/13 @ 501am Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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Re: Intro and question

  • LoriJ11LoriJ11

    Big hugs and I'm sorry for your loss.

    We are open with the fact that we are TTC again and with our m/c. I don't know how long we will wait to tell people. I think it is going to depend on the situation. I do know, that it was nice to have the support from friends/family during the time that I m/c'd so I'm sure I will let some of them know again earlier than others.

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  • jkfranklinjkfranklin member
    I'm so sorry for you losses. Welcome to the board. We didn't tell anyone we were pg nor did we tell them about our loss. With Bfp #1 we told our parents early but told them not to tell everyone. MIL went and told all of her friends right away and I was pissed that her friends knew before my siblings. I didn't want to tell her until we wanted the world to know this time so we waited.
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  • msgde2shusmsgde2shus member
    I am sorry for your loss.  DH and I have discussed this quite a bit since our late loss in February.  Other than telling my parents (I am super close to them and need to have my mom to share things with) we are not telling anyone anything until after we know the sex of the baby,  Our situation is a little different, but I think it is what works best for each couple.  GL!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
    BFP 10/2/10, D&E 2/8/11 @ 22 weeks due to encephalocele 
    BFP 12/25/11 - EDD 9-5-12  Baby Girl born August 30, 2012 at 39 weeks 1 day via c-section 
    TTC #2 starting 2/13, RE work-up 9/13 HSG - blocked left tube, MTHFR, insulin resistance DH - perfect  11/13 - first medicated cycle: Metformin, Clomid, Ovidrel  
    BFP 11/30/13 - edd August 11, 2014
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  • Missa_gMissa_g member
    I'm sorry for your losses. I don't think you ever get over the loss of a child, no matter how long it has been. Time might ease the pain and grief, but I think it'll always be there to some extent. Losing a child, no matter how early, is losing the hopes and dreams you had for them and your future.My husband I have talked about it several times. We're fairly open that we're trying again, but have made it clear that no one should ask us how it's going. I think we both switch between wanting to tell the entire world the second we get a BFP because we want our baby to get all the love and prayers, no matter how long they're with us. Then part of us wants to tell no one until I give birth to a healthy baby. I think it's a very personal decision, one we won't fully make until we're blessed with another pregnancy.
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
    Married 9/22/07, began TTC 8/10
    Diagnosed with DOR, LP defect, mild endometriosis and cysts
    BFP #1 EDD 9/10/11, natural miscarriage at 6w
    BFP #2 Medicated cycle, twin boys born 4/4/12 at 29w4d
    BFP #3 EDD 8/8/14, D&C for missed miscarriage at 8w, baby boy with triploidy
    BFP #4 June 2014 CP
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  • E3A7AGGIEE3A7AGGIE member

    I am so, so sorry for your losses. :(

    It's only been a month since our loss, so we're still kind of "new", and so we both agree that we are waiting until 12 weeks to share the news with anyone. Although, I did REALLY appreciate the support of my parents when we had the m/c at 9 weeks. I also was sad sometimes that when we DID have good news, I had no one to share it with (such as when we had heard the heartbeat, etc). ((We told our families and the next day, was the bad appointment)). 

    Definitely do what is best! I think he'll listen to what you want when the time comes. My DH kept on wanting to tell people the first time around, and I would just say, "no, I really want to wait until the next appointment", and although he didn't like it, he didn't go against what I was comfortable with. 

    Good luck!!!!!!!!!! And welcome to the board.

    BFP #1 4/23/11, EDD 1/4/12::No heartbeat @ 9 wks::D&C 6/1/11 
    Child #1  June 2012
    Child #2  Feb 2014
    Child #3  Feb 16
    BFP 3/9/17
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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  • GraceInCAGraceInCA member

    First of all, sorry for your losses. That isn't easy. Also sorry about how your DH is treating this. It's not a matter of "getting over it". You've probably processed it, but a hesitation to go public with news of another pregnancy is completely natural. I think you should go with your gut on this. Hopefully he will come around and understand why your feelings are legitimate and valid. And hopefully he doesn't spout off like that to anyone else in the future. The issue of getting pregnant, being pregnant, etc., is not something you're obligated to discuss with people.

    DH & I weren't on the same page with this recent loss. Before the loss, I didn't want to tell anyone until at least 2nd tri, or better yet wait longer until I was seriously showing. DH wanted to the whole world right away. The compromise was to only tell my parents. In hindsight, I think he's glad we didn't tell people. If we are lucky enough to get pregnant in the future, I think we're both in agreement that we would wait until at least 14 or 15 weeks before going public. At no point did either of us tell anyone at all that we were trying. I just don't feel like that's anyone's business but ours and our doctor's.

    Best of luck to you.


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  • yogiwannabmomyogiwannabmom
    imageLoriJ11:

    Big hugs and I'm sorry for your loss.

    We are open with the fact that we are TTC again and with our m/c. I don't know how long we will wait to tell people. I think it is going to depend on the situation. I do know, that it was nice to have the support from friends/family during the time that I m/c'd so I'm sure I will let some of them know again earlier than others.

    Exactly this. And I'm so sorry for your losses.

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