PERIOD - HELP
CurlyQ284
member
I have hoped for years that this day wouldn't come but it's here! SDs are 8.5 and 10 years old. They are with us during the summer and alternating holidays, since we are long distance. I hoped that since they are with their mom for 75% of the year, odds were that the first period would be at her house. NOPE.
So SD8.5 has had brown stains in her undies this week. DH said "we'll just make sure they wash down there really well" so he's been reminding them to wash but no change. I told him it might be her period, he said "no way". Today when SD8.5 got in the shower, I went to collect her dirty clothes and there was fresh blood. It's red. There's nothing else it could be. I told DH and he really doesn't want to face his little girls growing up. So while I dried her hair I asked if she knew what a period was. No she does not. Mom didn't talk to her, school hasn't had family life education yet (I got the info in school in 3rd grade, but I guess her school doesn't go over that? My mom never talked to me, so I have no template to go by here.) I said "ok well maybe we should call your mom so she can talk to you about it" and she cried and said she didn't want to talk to her mom because she was embarassed.
I explained that all ladies get their period and what happens is that once every month, some blood comes out and that it doesn't mean they are dirty or that something is wrong. Everyone gets it and it just means that a girl is growing up into a lady. I explained what pads are and how to use them. She seemed to feel a lot better when I confimed that Selena Gomez gets a period too. I didn't discuss babymaking cause I thought it was a lot to take in right then and maybe her mom wants to address this?
What now? I think DH and I are going to call BM tomorrow and talk to her. Tell her what I told the girls and see how she wants to handle it from here. I'll ask if she wants us to get a particular book or if she wants to leave it at what I told SD and then she can pick up the rest of The Talk when they go home at the end of summer. SD8.5 asked me to talk to SD10 about it privately. SD10 didn't know what a period was either. So I told her the same thing I told SD8.5
Am I handling this ok? This is my worst nightmare.
Re: PERIOD - HELP
I think you handled it beautifully. When I got my period my mom took me out to dinner to "celebrate my passage into womanhood" maybe you and her go do something just the 2 of you, or bring SD10 along and make it a girls thing?
How does SD10 feel about her younger sister getting her period before she did? I recall being jealous when my friends got theirs before I did (when I finally got it I remember being jealous of my friends that didn't have theirs yet).
Is 8.5 really when girls get their periods these days? That's my SS's age!
I lol'ed at Selena Gomez. I remember looking through a 17 magazine right after I got mine and thinking "she has a period, and she has a period, and she has a period...."
I think you handled it fine. I'm not surprised at all that her BM hasn't talked with her about it. I did have the talk with my DD when she turned 9 so I would have missed that boat if she got hers at 8.5 as well. I gave her the AG book The Care & Keeping of You to hold on to and look at whenever she wanted. She was really embarrassed and didn't really want to have the talk so she didn't ask questions then.
Flash forward to this year, DD is 11 and was in 5th grade. They had the video in school and finally she came to me and we discussed it more. Typically I think the boobs, hair, ect come first but not always. DD has gotten boobs this year but no other signs yet. She mentioned that she knew some of the girls in her class had gotten their "points" She mixed up the word. LOL She has brought it up a few times since and still accidentally calls it a point and I have to remind her it's a period and she laughs every time.
I have no clue if BM has discussed with SD (who is 10) or not, but I know from DD that she and SD have looked at the book I bought her together before. If it happens here and I find out it hasn't been discussed, we will just handle it and let her call her BM after. I mentioned to DH once that he should ask BM if they have discussed it but he wasn't too keen on that idea LOL
I'm not surprised that her mom hadn't had the talk with her yet either, given her age. I guess she was also thinking that 10 y/o would be first. You did a great job. I got my 1st one when I was 13. My mom threw a pad at me and told me "yeah, you can get pregnant now so if you have sex, wear a condom." Gee thanks mom. Like I didn't already learn this in school. I was in 7th grade. We had had the videos and were studying sexual reproduction in science class.
I also shared with her that you can in fact get pregnant before you get your first period. She was like huh? what? Yes, I had to teach my mother about our female reproductive organs. I was, you know, hoping for something inspirational or bonding over our now shared womanhood. Nope. "Don't get knocked up" was the take away.
Thank you for the info!
I am so not looking forward to having that type of conversation and also hope SD gets hers when she's not with us, but probably will... She's 12 and I thought she'd have it way before now. I got mine early.
Fortunately, she knows the 'educational' side of things, but you know how reality is... sigh...
DD is 10 and hasn't gotten hers yet, but about a year ago we had the talk, and I bought her this https://www.target.com/Petite-Amie-First-Cycle-Girls/dp/B0032HXORY/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&searchView=grid5&keywords=girls%20period&fromGsearch=true&sr=1-2&qid=1309449145&rh=&searchRank=target104545&id=Petite%20Amie%20First%20Cycle%20Girls&node=1038576|1287991011&searchSize=30&searchPage=1&searchNodeID=1038576|1287991011&searchBinNameList=subjectbin%2Cprice%2Ctarget_com_primary_color-bin%2Ctarget_com_size-bin%2Ctarget_com_brand-bin&frombrowse=0 to keep in the bathroom to be prepared. She seemed really kind of interested in everything I said, and I really hope that maybe it'll make her less scared when it does happen.
I got mine at 11, and I hid it for an entire year before telling anyone because I was so scared/embarrassed. The last thing I wanted was for DD to feel that way too. I wanted her to be prepared and realize right off the bat how normal and HEALTHY it all is