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October 2011 Moms
Elsa1984
member
SO's friend (vent - NBR)
Elsa1984
member
My SO has this friend (lets call him "Ed") that is in his 30's and is single, likes to go out drinking all of the time, and has the maturity level of a 15 year old. Since I have been pregnant, Ed is upset/depressed and is constantly talking SO into hanging out with him (about 2-3 times a week). He says that he is going through a hard time because SO is his last friend that is "single and doesn't have kids....." and all of that is going to change this fall because he "will be stuck at home with the kid".
What really annoys me is that he is not "single". Yes he may not be married, but we have been together for over 5 1/2 years.....that (to me) is not "single". We have been together over 2 years longer than SO has even known Ed.....so Ed was never really friends with him when he was "single". SO is not in the same stage as Ed, sometimes I wonder how they are even still friends. SO rarely would drink (he would only have a few beers here and there when he went out - which was rare), he doesn't go to clubs, he doesn't go to strip clubs, he doesn't sit around smoking pot.......Ed does all of those. But since I have gotten pregnant and Ed has given him the guilt trip (that is how I see it) about becoming a father, SO has been going out more often with Ed, drinking until he is wasted, and not telling me when he is going to be home or where he is at (which is so unlike him to do). When he hangs out with his other friends, there are no problems.....but as soon as he is with Ed, its like all respect for me and responsibility goes out the window.
I really wish Ed would get some other friends that are in the same stage of life as him. I am sure that part of it is just SO wanting to get it out of his system or is worried about the fact that he is going to be a dad, but while I am at home getting things done around the house and wanting to spend time with him.....he is out with Ed because "Ed is going through a hard time....."
UGH......so annoying.....
This discussion has been closed.
Re: SO's friend (vent - NBR)
Burned by the Bear
Absoluteley THIS!
This. Also, this may be unpopular but in general I don't consider people who have been dating a long time in the same category as married people. I know plenty of people in long term relationships that I still consider "single". If your SO isn't acting like a soon to be father in a commited relationship, why would his friend think of him in that way?
yeah, your problem is with your SO not his friend. Your SO had free will to get you pregnant, and has the free will to stop going out with this guy.
Every couple is different, but 2-3 days a week every week simply would not stand in my house, whether or not I was pregnant.
You and your SO need to work this out before the baby gets here, because it'll be a LOT harder to work anything out when it's here.
Perhaps sit your SO down and say "I've been feeling unsupported by the way you've been behaving recently, and I think Ed is bringing out the worst in you. I need the behavior to change in the following ways before the baby's born."
Getting rid of Ed isn't going to fix the problem.
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Agree with the other posts that SO is the one with the problem but that's not to say it wouldn't be fun to put Ed's head through a hard wall!!!
Just because you guys aren't married doesn't mean you shouldn't say something. You are still in a committed relationship and are starting a family and you should be able to tell him when he's treating you in a way that is unacceptable. Hope Ed goes away!