Single Parents
Options
how long?
How long before you allow a new guy to be around your kids? My mom and I are disagreeing and I am interested in you ladies opinions.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: how long?
Minimum is 6 months of exclusive relationship where you have officially had "the Talk" about what this relationship is and where it is going.
At that point you bring the guy around in group settings of at least 2-3 other friends/family both men and women. There is no kanoodling at all just friendly interaction. And you introduce him several times this way.
THEN after that then 1 or 2 times month you can go on "family" outings and then after a few months of that you continue slowly intergrating him into your lives.
Every situation and family dynamic is different -- you can't put a timeline on the "introductions" that will work for everyone.
To me, it's important that who I'm dating understands there's a huge difference between the idea of me being a single mom and the reality of it. I didn't want to get too wrapped up in a guy, only for him to flake out when he understood what being a mom really means.
Only you can decide what time-frame is right for introducing a new guy to your LO. I do agree with Sweetie in the regards of how the introductions should be done. Don't start playing family right away, but make sure your LO has time to get to know the guy in surroundings they're familiar with and on their own terms.
GL!
I don't really have a hard and fast timeline, although I know that I've done things way too quickly in the past. Fortunately, for me and for DS, he was little enough to not be deeply affected by things.
I have introduced WAY too soon in the past. And started playing "family" way too soon. I attribute this to the fact that I just wanted to have a family so badly and to fill the void in our lives. I had to check myself because these are not appropriate things to place on a new relationship.
I am trying to take things much more slowly now (even though I'm not currently dating anyone). I would say several months after I *think* it's going to be something serious would be an appropriate time. i think it's ok to do a group thing earlier on with no interaction between you and BF. LO probably wouldn't notice another person in the mix of a group setting. I know I've had DS in a group setting and there have been friends of friends (who are male) that don't have a ton of interaction with him, and I've never really thought twice about it.