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October 2011 Moms
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Help! 2nd child shower etiquette and advice!

Meggie1129Meggie1129
in October 2011 Moms

This is my second baby who will be 3 1/2 years apart from my DS and is a girl. I had absolutely no intentions of having any type of shower or anything, but a dear friend of ours asked me yesterday if she could throw a little intimate shower, basically a little sprinkle.

I was so touched and honored that she would even consider it and I don't feel like that is something you turn down. I was one of the hosts for her baby shower and thought it was so nice that she even offered, especially because it gives me a chance to celebrate this new baby (who really, being the 2nd child is getting the shaft already!).

So, here is my question. If it is just a small gathering without a registry or anything, is that ok or tacky. Also, what is considered "intimate" in terms of inviting guests. I was going through a list of people I would invite and there are actually 19 people that I would invite, but I guarantee only 10 or so would be able to make it because the shower would probably be a weekend in August, about 50 minutes away from where most of my friends live.

What is tricky is that although my husband and I are good friends with this girl and her husband, we don't have a mutual group of friends. So everyone I would be inviting would be my friends basically from my mom's group, another group of women that I get together with on a regular basis for dinner, and then two of my best friends since high school. I would love to invite 4 of my good friends from college, but as time goes by we only see each other every 4 months or so, then that would push the number of people I invite to 23 and I don't want to take advantage of this friend if she only wants it to be intimate.

Your thoughts?

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Re: Help! 2nd child shower etiquette and advice!

  • kat72883kat72883 member
    That doesn't sound tacky to me.  I would get together with your friend and see what she envisions.  Inviting 19 people doesn't sound that much to me, especially if you expect the declines to be on the high side.  As far as inviting people that your friends doesn't know, I'm sure that she's aware of that situation anyway, and she would be okay with that.  Enjoy your day!
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  • calliesmom6calliesmom6 member
    I think that if your friend asked you then you should. I know its considered tacky to have a second shower but in my mind a gathering of 10-19 close friends and family to celebrate the new baby coming does not sound like a baby shower. (and i think its so cute they call these types of gatherings sprinkles Big Smile) I would not register but I would enjoy the night and who cares what people think. Clearly in a group that size it is very personal and they will just want to be with you to celebrate a new baby...even if its new baby #10!
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  • mydinkdommydinkdom member
    I honestly dont understand why its tacky to have a second shower. Especially if its another gender. I think every baby is a gift and should be treated as such. Not just the "first" baby. That being said, this is my second and its a different gender and I have family who is giving me a full blown shower even though I said not to. They want to and kind of got offended that I said other wise!!
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  • wait4oct1980wait4oct1980
    I also find "sprinkles" tacky, but they are so common now!  I feel like people bought a gift for your first shower, hopefully gender neutral that you can re-use, and that is enough.  When people come to visit the new baby they usually bring an outfit, which would come in handy if you have a baby of the opposite gender.  With a friend offering to do it, 19 does not seem intimate to me.  Is it going to be at her house?  Can she easily fit all of them, and easily feed them?  10 is probably a better number, just hope some of them can't make it!  And I would not register.  Graciously accept whatever gifts they give you.
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  • christen_z1christen_z1 member

    I have a good friend that is hosting my baby shower in August...for my 3RD baby! Surprise It has been over 5 years since my last baby and I actually had 3 different people offer to host one for me. There will probably be around 10-15 people there and I did register. I was asked to do so.

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  • Meggie1129Meggie1129
    I definitely would not register, and actually of the 19 people I would invite to the shower, 12 of them I became friends with AFTER DS was born so they wouldn't have been at my first shower.
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  • cantalopes24cantalopes24 member
    I would ask your friend how many people she can handle. 19 people I personally would consider intimate because I'm used to 30+ at events.
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  • pearblossompearblossom
    Even though it is widely considered tacky on TB, if it is no big deal to your friends then go for it. My SIL and a good friend are both throwing me a shower for this LO and were both shocked when I tried to decline based on tackiness. So two more parties it is. And I've recently been informed that I am registering because people have requested it. So there you go.
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  • Meggie1129Meggie1129
    Oh no, that is not what I am saying at all. I don't need anything, that is why I wouldn't register. I mean, to be honest, for me this is just a chance to celebrate this baby before it is born. REally though, knowing my friends, they would all buy an outfit or something anyway after the baby was born, just like I have done for them. I guess if they wanted to buy something, which I definitely do not expect, then it would be an outfit before the baby comes? I wouldn't have a "meet and greet" after because I see them all on a regular basis. I just feel like this is really nice that this friend offered to do this for me, and it was something really unexpected.
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  • Kendrav4Kendrav4 member
    imageRachaelA:

    imageMeggie1129:
    I definitely would not register, and actually of the 19 people I would invite to the shower, 12 of them I became friends with AFTER DS was born so they wouldn't have been at my first shower.

    So because you didn't know them back then its okay for them to buy you a gift now? It doesn't matter whether or not you register, the point of a "sprinkle" or whatever cutesy name you give it, is to give a gift. 

     

     

    I guess i just don't understand what the big deal is about people getting her gifts? Especially if they weren't at her first shower? Please help me understand the problem, as I am debating having a second shower and would like to know if I am missing something?

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