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Boyfriends daughter is very very upset
Hi Ladies.. Any of you having or had a baby w/a man that already has children? Well my bf has a son that is 7 and a daughter that is 10. They do not live w/us. Ever since she heard that I was pregnant she will not speak to him. And I saw that she wrote back to him on facebook and she said that she is disgusted and she doesn't like me 
Last few times I saw her and his son we had a blast. I just feel awful. My bf has not mentioned this to me but he has been in a mood and now I know why. Does anyone have any positive feedback for me? Thanks
Last few times I saw her and his son we had a blast. I just feel awful. My bf has not mentioned this to me but he has been in a mood and now I know why. Does anyone have any positive feedback for me? Thanks This discussion has been closed.
Re: Boyfriends daughter is very very upset
Does a 10 year old really use the word disgusted?
Or a fb account without supervision? (I know some do...)
Do you think it could have been the BM on her account?
I would recommend that the two of you sit her down and talk to her about it, but not in a way that's like, you're getting a talking to and you better straighten out. More so just show her how happy and excited you are, and how excited and proud she should be to be a big sister, and try to get her involved. Encouraging her to bond with the baby I think is best, and she might still have a hard time until the baby is born, but things will probably get better after that. She's at that perfect age where she can help out with holding/feeding the baby and stuff, and activities like that are what are really going to help her bond with her little sister or brother.
Best of luck and congrats on your pregnancy!
A 10 year old should not have a facebook account. And even if the BM says she should not be using it - she AND the boyfriend (BF) are not doing a very good job at monitoring their daughter and enforcing the rules. I see bigger issues than a pre-teen child crying about a future baby sister or brother - WHICH in my opinion is the only normal, not too unsuprising behavior in this scenario.
Well her being upset, upset's me very much. And TO ME that is the most important issue right now. I care about her feelings tremendously!
The Facebook issue may not be so far removed from your issue here. The problem I see is that if the parents are allowing a 10 year old to have a facebook page, you are giving her all kinds of adult leniencies that a child her age is not emotionally or mentally ready for.
You also appear to be letting her normal behavior get to you way more than you should be. She's 10. She's entitled to be upset that her daddy is having a baby with his girlfriend and not her mother. That's pretty typical in situations like this.
You want to know what to do? Your boyfriend should talk to her (preferably in person and not on facebook) - like she's 10. Hear her out, let her know she's loved and will be loved just as much and that you want her to be a part of this experience and be a wonderful big sister. Be consistent. Be caring. Let her know it's okay to feel what she's feeling, but that it will all be okay. Don't give it more power or energy than it needs. If you make it into a big deal and get all upset that she's upset and she sees that...guess what...she learns that she can play you. If you act calm, secure, honest, and handle it with grace, and go about your pregnancy while involving her in a healthy way in the experience, she'll pick up on that vibe and adjust just fine.
And get her off of facebook. She needs to be a kid and feel like daddy's little girl right now.
Your boyfriend needs to talk to her. He needs to tell her that it is okay to be upset, if that is what she feels, but it is not okay to say hurtful, hateful things because she is upset. And he needs to let her mother know she is using the facebook account that she isn't supposed to be using so they can deal with that together, as her parents.