Completely NAPR: my family vs DH
LouiseB2001
member
Sorry, this is really baby/AP unrelated but I need to talk to unrelated people about this and you ladies always give great advise in relation to family/DH issues.
In my family we have a large time-share house, it has been in the hands of the family for over 50 years and I grew up going there each summer with the extended family, my siblings, cousins etc, always having a blast. This house means a lot to me but since I don't live near it I haven't been there more than one week each summer for 10+ years.
It is now being renovated and as an 'adult' I have just started paying into the house this year. Dues just went up and because we are a couple DH and I now have to pay $125 per month, year round.
This is the problem: we are looking at a very tough time financially. I will be unemployed for at least 6 months from August on where we will be relocating to Sweden. DH will have a few months with less pay and we will have to dig into our savings. DH wants us to sign out of the time-share considering that we won't have much money and won't get to use it this summer.
The main issue is our different perception of this house. DH hates it. It is a place he doesn't feel at home, he says he would never go there on vacation just us and he hates being there with my family. I on the other hand, have lots of childhood memories, I love being there with my family and relatives and I could see me and Zoe going there for at least 2 weeks each year and a couple of weekends. There are a few consequences for signing out: The current rules says that I cannot sign in again ever. My family will be hugely disappointed. Worst though is that their renovation would have to be adjusted due to falling dues (there are only 10 partners at the moment), which makes me feel really bad.
I feel really split between my family and DH. On the one hand I agree that we don't have much money, on the other hand I think this is an emotional as well as physical investment and was really looking forward to showing Zoe where I spent my summers growing up. And as much as we don't have 'much' money, I keep thinking that we just have to save somewhere else because this means so much to me.
Re: Completely NAPR: my family vs DH
Just a few questions: Who is making these "rules" and whose name is the timeshare actually in? Also, why does the amount change just because you are a couple?
I know you have great memories but if your DH is that uncomfortable with it, maybe you could find another place/tradition to share with your DD. If DH wanted me to pay $125 a month for a place I hated and never wanted to go, we'd definitely be having words. $1,500 a year could get you a really nice vacation each year that you are both happy with. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices we don't want to but it's part of life.
Life with Blog
I am mostly a lurker here...but,
This poster definitely points out something to think about.
FWIW, I am an emotional person. Things like this timeshare are hugely important to me. The thought of giving something like that up would probably have me in tears.
And yet, your loyalty is now to DH and LO. You have to make the decisions that are best for all 3 of you. If something isn't good for one, it probably affects all 3. Asking DH to spend time somewhere he hates doesn't sound like it would be good for your family.
Also, do not let the fact that there are many people involved in the timeshare affect your decision. The fate of the timeshare is only your concern if you continue to pay.
Making decisions like the sucks. (I have made the decision to avoid all gatherings that include only my oldest sister, her family, my parents, and my other sister, E. I can no longer deal with the verbal abuse that everyone tells me "that's just how she is. We need to accept her." And she hates DH. And she has never acknowledged J. in any way, shape, or form. Plus, she always brings her dog who has a history of biting twice. This decision means that I will never get to celebrate Christmas with my parents and oldest sister, as that is the only holiday E. generally returns from out of state for. It hurts that J. won't get to see his cousins and grandparents then. But for now, the potential disavantages are greater than the advantages. So it is what it is.)
For me/my marriage, we really do try to stick to the "our family (DH, myself, and LO) is most important" rule. And it does mean that we sometimes make decisions that aren't popular with the rest of our families. I think, for me, that means that in this case, I would sadly leave the timeshare. I couldn't ask DH to pay that much for something he dislikes, especially when money is tight. (Note: If I were really in your shoes, I'd be taking a long time to think.)
GL with your decision.
If my husband wanted to spend $1500 a year on a vacation timeshare, that I hated, and would potentially mean that he would take our DD on vacation without me for 2 weeks plus several long weekends a year, I would simply be furious and extremely hurt.
Try and look at it from his perspective. I know its important to you, but it's not to him, and in your words, he hates it there.
For $1500 I'm sure you could find a local hotel/rental that you could visit in the same area so that you could still enjoy your childhood vacation place if you so desired. You could probably stay in a pretty swanky place for the week, visit multiple times or go for an extended period for that kind of moolah. Or, in order to reduce your spending, you could probably spend 1/2 of that amount, and still get a pretty decent vacation.
I quite obviously have zero idea of what this timeshare is like, but to spend $1500 a year for one weeks worth of vacation accommodations sounds ridiculously spendy to me if your on a budget. That's $250/night if you go for all 6 nights. It's not highway robbery, but it's absolutely not a bargain in my book (well, depending on where this timeshare is located it's possible, but it seems really pricey either way....)
Instead of spending the whole enchilada of your vacay budget going to a place you've been a zillion times and that your hubby hates, why don't you take that $1500 and spend 1/2 at the timeshare place and 1/2 at someplace you and dh choose together?
Yes, your family might not be happy with you, but that's because they will have to pony up to fill in for your share which sucks for them, but I think timeshare's in general suck pretty royally, so I'm sorry, but that's my perspective.
My family has a beach house where my dad spent all his summers, I spent every vacation my entire life at this house, and is a huge part of my good memories of my childhood, so I completely understand where you're coming from.
This timeshare does seem like a tough situation though, because it is on the expensive side & it's year-round. Would one of your other relatives be able to help you out with payments short-term? When you were a child enjoying the house, was there kind of an expectation that you would take on the responsibility of paying for the house once you were an adult? If so, that's another issue to bring up to your husband...that by opting out now you feel like you're breaking an implicit promise you made to your family.
If your husband says he "hates" it, have you asked him more specifically why? Does he hate the house itself? The location? Just the idea of spending a vacation with your family? Is there anything you can offer to do for him that you "hate" doing (spending time with his family?), but would do in exchange for staying in the timeshare?
And as far as the money, if you are really serious about it I'm sure you can show your DH how you can save $125 a month. Things like fewer haircuts, less expensive beauty products, packing your lunch every day, whatever you're willing to sacrifice can really add up. And maybe that will also show your DH how important this house is to you and soften his stance a little too.
Everything is so exciting when you're one!
This was decided a month ago on a meeting I couldn't attend, related to the renovation of the house. Couples pay 1.5 times what singles pay because it is presumed they have a dual income. This hike was the reason DH and I got to discuss it again.