Scared-is it just me?

UniquelyAmbi · June 2011

I am 30 years old, just got my master's degree, happily married for six years (been together for 14). I should be ready to have a baby, right?

When I was getting my degree a few months ago I wanted nothing more than to have a baby. I kept saying after I graduated. Here I am, and I'm scared. It seems I want to do everything except have a baby.

Going on vacation with my hubby next week to Cancun and he's wanting to start trying when we get back. I am just really scared and wish that baby bug would come back. I wanted a baby so badly a few months ago it hurt, but now not so much.

Is it just me?

Mjmksb04 · June 2011

Its normal to have a lot of anxiety about a huge decision like this. My advice is just to have fun on your vacation and think about it more when you get back.

Bizzy98 · June 2011

I think it is completely normal to be scared about having a baby and most people experience some sort of anxiety about it at some point or another. Are you fears based around the fact that things will change once you have a baby or are they more based upon not knowing if you are ready or not?

lawyerin · June 2011

It is completely normal and natural to have doubts. Having a baby is possibly the most life changing event a couple can experience. And really, I am not sure any of us are ever truly ever "ready" to have a baby...as much as we may want one. Being scared is part of the process. I think you and YH need to discuss whether you are willing to embrace the profound life changes that come with having a baby and NOT whether you are ready. If you don't want your life to change, then now is probably not the right time.

The birth of my DD was the most blissful moment of my life. She has made my DH and I happier than I ever knew was possible -- and we were pretty happy before she arrived. But we were NEVER ready for any of changes...we just new we wanted them to happen.

Good luck.

LM915 · June 2011

I think it's normal to have some fears/apprehensions about it to some extent. DH and I recently started ttc and I have definitely had those days like "omg!" but it's a life changing thing to have a baby for sure, so it's a huge decision. If you don't feel ready, then what is the harm in waiting a little longer? Wanting more time with just you and your DH is totally normal and a good thing I think.

UniquelyAmbi · June 2011

My fears are about things changing, but more like what if I screw up? What if I don't do a good job? I am also terrified of postpartum depression after the baby.

My degree and job are also based around children with autism and severe disabilities, so I have a lot of those fears as well.

UniquelyAmbi · June 2011

Thank you all so much for your responses. I am def. feeling better about things.

TrendyTina · June 2011

It's a HUGE sacrifice on the part of the woman and not something that should be taken lightly. Your professional career, body, emotions, and everything in between will change as a result of your pregnancy. It sounds like this is something you want, but now that the time is here you are becoming more anxious. I went through the EXACT same thing. I'm a PhD student with LOTS of professional goals. The closer we came to TTC, the more nervous I became about losing everything I've worked so hard for. Will I be able to manage a baby and write my dissertation as the same time? The fact of the matter is I've decided I CAN have it all. I know it won't be easy, but I will do it and you can do it too. If you want to have a baby, go for it, but don't sacrifice everything else that is important to you too. Think it through and come up with a balance and you will feel much more calm. GL to you! I hope to see you around here more often!

ETA: I just saw your other posts. I'm sure you've seen your share of sad situations, but that doesn't mean it will happen to you too. And if it does, you're an expert and will be ready. Talk to DH. I bet his support will help you get through this and remind you why you originally wanted to have a baby with him. GL!

jujubee25 · June 2011

UniquelyAmbi:
My fears are about things changing, but more like what if I screw up? What if I don't do a good job? I am also terrified of postpartum depression after the baby.
I'm scared of post-partum depression too. I've fought depression most of my life and have it under good control with a combination of medication and cognitive therapy and I've come a long way. But dunk me into a hormone soup and who knows what might happen. I have a vague plan to prepare for the possibility, including informing my OB and everyone involved with the pregnancy and baby, so everyone is watching for signs that I may not even notice. I'm also planning on joining support groups and playdates and mommy message boards to try and stay connected with others. Maybe this is all useless planning, because it's not like it will prevent PPD if it's coming, but I feel a little more secure knowing I'm at least taking some small precautions and giving myself a teeny bit of control over something that seems so big and scary. I don't know if any of this is helpful for you, but at least know you're not alone.

kellydNC · June 2011

I completely understand this! We had been talking about starting TTC for over a year before I actually kicked BCP. I had set a date in my mind of May 1 to stop taking the pill. The closer this date got, the more freaked out I got, even though I really truly wanted a baby. Something about actually taking ACTION towards this goal was really terrifying to me...tried to explain this to my hubby but he didn't understand. He actually convinced me to stop BCP on April 21. I am a big planner so the fact that this wasn't the stop "date" I had set in my mind also freaked me out. But, once a couple days passed w/o me taking the pill, I felt a little more at ease. The whole first month I was nervous. It was a long month, too, because my cycle was 49 days first month off BCP. However, by the end of the month when I'd taken a couple of HPTs and AF came, I realized I was actually quite disappointed that they came back negative. Now I'm feeling even more committed to making it happen ASAP and totally sure that this is the right road for us to be traveling right now.

I hope you will also feel more at ease once the TTC process actually begins for you. I am a speech pathologist and I have worked with lots of kids with disabilities. It has skewed my perception such that a child WITHOUT disabilities seems more like the anomaly to me, rather than the reverse which is actual reality. I try not to worry about it too much because I know it won't help anything, and to help me not worry and think about it I am deliberately avoiding reading things about developmental problems, genetic abnormalities, etc so I don't think about it. I find my thoughts are like a run away train - once I go down that road, I can't come back! Sounds like your team is quite supportive in terms of watching out for PPD. GL to you!

UniquelyAmbi · June 2011

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I am so glad that I am not alone in this. I am also a big big planner and I do want to be a parent, I am just freaking out now that the time is here. It feels good to know I'm not alone and that I'm not crazy, LOL.

I will definitely be around the boards more and more to support you all and learn more for myself as I TTC. Not really telling people I know because I don't want the "are you preg yet?" questions all the time. So, it will be nice to come here and chat with you all.

Thank you so much for the support.

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