Because I can no longer vent to my DH
about my MIL. I apologize in advance but it seriously helps to know I'm not the only one who thinks she is loco.
So we are going to the beach with them in a few weeks. Inlaws wanted to go to the beach as a family vacation, versus camping, because her other grandchildren "have never felt the warm sand under their toes" which is crap since we went to the beach with them a few years ago. Then she said she feels sorry for BIL and SIL so they are just taking their family to the beach and wanted to let us know we were not invited. Okay. Fine by me. I think FIL hit the fan when he heard what she did so now we all have to go. We are only going for a few days, not the entire week because my head may explode.
So, she doesn't want to go out to eat while we are there. She thinks the women should cook. She started off saying my family and BIL/SIL family split the food costs and buy all the food and cook. Then BIL/SIL said they can't afford it. So then she said they, inlaws, would buy all the food. And as of the last weekend she now wants us to buy all the food for 12 people and cook it. And the best part is, even though we are only staying 4 of the 8 nights (and might I add we are going out with my Aunt and Uncle one of those nights so we are only there 3 nights) she wants US to buy food for everyone for the entire week.
Seriously, I may put a pillow over her face when I'm sleeping.
She told me this AFTER she said she feels so bad for BIL/SIL that they had a bad few months so they are paying all of their bills for the Summer. Um, I've had a bad year and have had to build our house back...seriously, it is like a new house after all the things we've done. But the only thing she's told me is "that is just life." And yes, they also just gave them a car about a month ago.
She is seriously crazy. And I'm not buying the food for everyone for the entire time we are there. I'll cover three full days...the fourth my family will just go out to eat.
Re: Because I can no longer vent to my DH
this wife bakes.
One of my favorite cakes ever! I had a blast making this..all handmade with buttercream suds!!!!
Ditto this. That sounds miserable. Your MIL is so out of touch from reality it isn't even funny.
Seriously, back out.
Our inlaws {both sets} try to take us on vacations each summer. We decided last year it just wasn't worth it. 1st it wouldn't be a vacation it would be chasing them around and we would need a vacation when we got back. 2nd, if you do with one, you have to do with both and we are just not interested in playing with crazy twice a summer. So B just told both sets no, thanks. We only do "family {us 3}" vacations.
I'm so sorry about this. I know how it is to stand inlaws and smile and nod a lot when you are with them. Hugs girl.
Run-Danielle-Run
Seriously that is ridiculous for her to expect you to cover the cost for others (essentially that is what is happening). Why don't everbody buy their own food and each family take turns cooking. I think that would be better than you footing the bill for the whole week which will be EXPENSIVE.
Abigail Taylor 09.18.2008
Wow, I'm sorry that your MIL has put you in that position. I agree with PPs, I think it's inappropriate for your inlaws to expect you to buy food for everyone.
I'm assuming not going on this trip isn't an option. Buying food for only your family wont work either; you can't exactly write your name on it like you're living in a sorority house.
My suggestion would be to tell your MIL exactly what you intend to purchase, and leave no room for negotiation. Maybe something like all the breakfast items (a couple of dozen eggs, milk, cereal, etc), some sandwich materials, and dinner materials for one night. It would be easier to segregate groceries like this rather than food-per-day.
If you don't mind me asking, where does your DH stand on the issue? Would DH support you if you just took a hard line stance and said no.
Yep. This. That's insane. In fact, tell her you just can't afford it right now.
I would definitely tell them you can't afford to go right now. Do you have an ally in your SIL at all? If so, I would talk to her and say that you are not able (or willing) to by food for the entire week.
Otherwise, I would not go. Especially if your husband supports you on this at all. I say you take your family of 4 on your own beach vacation.
OK, here's how you get out of it... take the kids to every germ infested play pit you can find a week ahead of time. They are bound to pick up something contagious. Sure, being stuck at home w/ 2 sick kids will suck, and yeah, some may argue that putting your childs health at risk is poor parenting, but honestly, you are shielding them from witnessing their mothers mental breakdown. They need to take one for the team! And in the end, it will be a whole lot less painful than the concussion that you will have after you slam your head against the wall for a week on "vacation" w/ that woman.
No seriously, I would say, thanks but no thanks. We'll be taking our own vacation this year.
get out, Danielle.
What does your husband say about buying the food for 8 days for everyone?? I cannot imagine my husband going along with this. And what if you guys weren't going? Who would gift them their food then? She is out of her mind.
Seriously. You win. Your MIL is worse. Mine may be a completely deluded narcissist who's completely insensitive, but yours takes the cake.
It's already been said, but I would not go. It's totally not worth your sanity. And it is COMPLETELY unreasonable for her to ask you to pay for all the food. That is insane. And I don't know how your DH is with all this, but I really think he needs to be the one to say ya'll aren't paying for all the food if you end up going. You don't need to end up "being the bad guy" and then have to deal with all of it the entire time you are there.
WHO just demands someone to pay for something like that? All I can say, is that I'm pretty blessed with my inlaws. Big hugs to you!
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Unfortunately there is no backing out. And we have to stay in a house together. I'm really not excited. The very worst part is they don't drink so going off with a 6-pack is out of the question. Totally against it. Last time we went to the beach at the condo pool my MIL was actually pouring out strangers drinks that smelled like alcohol. I was kinda hoping one of those people would see her do it and push her in the pool but it didn't happen.
I've already emailed my SIL a list of what I have already purchased and what I plan to get.
But I can guarantee this. I dropped off several grocery items for the beach the other weekend. I bet you any amount of money my MIL will call saying...this is what SIL is contributing and say the groceries are from her. Guarantee it.
I can't complain to DH about it anymore. He agrees she is crazy but doesn't know what to do. He's mentioned it but she is seriously crazy and either denies or can't remember doing these things.
Aren't you the one with the "bear" inlaws? Well, at least they don't want to camp.
As far as the food, if there are 3 families and 8 days, there are 2.5 days each as far as I can tell. Put your foot down that you will provide 2.5 days of food. I wouldn't risk dining out with just your family (except for on your way the hell outta Dodge) while you are there bc they will tag along and expect you to pay.
After a particularly miserable lake weekend a few years ago with DH's family, I put my foot down that we will not be attending any more Holidays at the lake EVER. Period. It was crowded, the bathrooms got gross and there was never a quiet moment, MIL and her sister woke up early and made tons of noise, and everyone got on my nerves. This was BEFORE we had kids. I can't imagine the profound misery of another long weekend with those people plus kids.
This is so hard. Brian and I's relationship is great but, I always say if it is ever anything that will come between us, it will be his parents. He gets it but, feels like he isn't heard when he brings things up. It really is so hard to have to be around them at all. At least you have your SIL and she kind of gets it. Sorry Danielle.
Mommy to Abigail Elizabeth (11/4/11) and Brady Jasper (7/2/09)
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Insane!! I would say here is what I bought x-y-z and buy only what you are comfortable buying and no more and definitely only for the nights you are going to be there. If there is no food left what are they going to do starve? Probably not, they will probably go out and buy their own food.
She is C-R-A-Z-Y! Sorry girl!!
This is exactly why I no longer do family vacations. They just aren't fun. I hate that you have to go, but i will admit, I can't wait for the stories you will tell us when you return. Or I will see your "wanted" picture on the front page of the newspaper.
If it were me, I'd tell her like it is. That you'll contribute food for your family, and your family alone. And tell her to keep her mitts off your beer while you're at it.
Good luck.
I agree with this. You have to at least speak up for yourself and let them know you aren't a door mat, or a food bank.
Im inclined to agree w this. My relationship w my ILs has been on a slow incline since I lost my cool on them a year and a half ago.