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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
Adjustment Disorder - H
Is anyone else's H having trouble adjusting to being at home alone with baby?
I returned to work after 12 weeks off. I work three nights in a row, 1 of those nights baby is at sitter so he has her two nights. First night he called within 1 hr yelling that he couldn't get her to stop crying. I have given tons and tons of praise, ideas, etc... After few weeks my Sister volunteered to go 1 night over to be with the two of them which seemed to help but last Tuesday she unexpectly was unable to make it and it through him, he really paniced, became dizzy and had heartattack like symptoms. He get to the ER after finding a sitter and the ER did nothing. So me being a nagging wife (and a Therapist/Counselor) schedule him an appointment to see his MD to discuss anxiety. Needless to say the MD told my H no medicaitons would help, he needed counseling to learn to adjust to the unexpected changes in life that occur with a baby.... (same things I have said for weeks) He is very against counseling and refuses to go. So now I have the baby going to a sitter two nights instead of 1 to give him a break but he still has to be with her one night. I made a list of 20 things he has to do before he can call me now... needless to say he will never get through the list before she goes to sleep, my secret plan and it worked the first night...
Just curious if anyone else H get that extreme anxiety when they know you are "unavailable" and what have you done to help him?
2nd EDD 02/01/13 - MC 5 1/2 weeks 6/5/12.
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Re: Adjustment Disorder - H
He doesn't seem to realize that I can no longer just do something spontaneously. I tell him all the time that I don't make my schedule anymore. I have to plan everything around nap time, bedtime, and meal time for the baby. For example, I can't just drop everything to go have sex like I could 6 months ago.
I feel like it hurts his feelings, but he needs to understand it and accept it.
He complains about getting woke up by her, and he says he doesn't get enough sleep. He thinks if I would just come to bed at night that Abigail would fall right to sleep. I've gone along with it before, and all he did was complain when sh started crying because she wasn't ready to sleep yet.
Anyway, that sounds really serious about your H having all those anxiety symptoms. I used to get that way during thunderstorms, lol... I was scared a tree would fall on the house. I still have to fight anxiety when the wind blows hard.
Hope you all get everything figured out.
H has not hit reality yet here, but in a different way. He's no longer scared of DD because she interacts more, but he does avoid taking care of her when I'm home like she's the plague. He's also always trying to get her to watch TV the whole time I'm at work (she will NOT sit in one place more than 5 minutes without being horribly fussy so I have no clue why he tries) then when she's overtired and fussy, he complains he can't get her to sleep. To get him ready for me working I always took at least one hour long bubble bath after I fed her a week so that he would be stuck taking care of her for a while. Seemed to work out ok.
If I were in your shoes, I would have H watch her more under your supervision (while you do something that keeps your hands full) so that he can learn more confidently what to do. Hopefully you can trick him into learning that way lol I have had a hard time working at home on things and getting H to care for DD for half an hour. It does help tho :-}
I don't know if you can do anything like this, but we had a bit of a breakthrough this weekend when FI took Jack in the Ergo carrier on the subway for a long trip. Normally I wear him when we're out and about, but my knees were killing me and I suggested he give it a go. Jack LOVES being in the carrier so he was happy as a clam being worn by Daddy. It was an hour subway ride and if he got fussy I told FI to stand up and bounce. Jack fell right asleep on him.
He even wore him on the trip back so that was AT least a solid two hours of Daddy wearing and calming Jack NOT me!!!! It was awesome. Maybe out shopping or something with you he could wear LO and gain a measure of confidence? My FI had never tried that method of dealing with the baby so it was like a light bulb going off...there's more than one way to handle this kid???