Going to bed hungry? (long)

njkitty · June 2011

So I was recently at a party with a bunch of kids and mommies. One remarked that her 2 y/o daughter, who has always been small (mom and dad are small too) has just fallen off the weight curve. I thought, no biggie, the parents are also small. WELL. Then she goes into how she and her DH have decided that if DD doesn't like what they're having for dinner, they let her go to bed hungry.

WHAT?

And then, ANOTHER family said they did the same thing with their toddler (who is also low on the weight scale).

Am I the only person that thinks this is a problem? I understand wanting your children to eat a wide variety of foods, but I don't think that you can really enforce this with a 2 year old. I almost consider it to be abuse. You can do that with an 8 year old. Maybe a 6 year old. But a 2 year old???

And a 2 year old who is not even on the weight curve???

Am I crazy or are they?

mlf625 · June 2011

njkitty:
I almost consider it to be abuse.

Meh, I think that's a major stretch. DS is 2.5 and won't always eat much for dinner. He knows when he gets down from his chair, he's done. Does he sometimes go to bed hungry? I'm sure he does, but then he wakes up in the morning and eats all of his breakfast without getting out of his seat.

Nobody's "crazy", but I don't think it's as big of a deal as you're making it out to be.

KreativeKirl · June 2011

I would agree with you that a child that is older say 6 or 8 years old could go to bed hungry if they do not like dinner. I do not think a 2 year old should be forced to eat like that. I think that at the age of 2 you are still developing your understanding of foods. I would not say let them eat junk food all the time but if you are eating liver and onions come on now. I have a DSS who is 4 and a extremely picky eater. We have been working to introduce new foods and it has been a longer process that one would like. He is smaller in size so we monitor his food closely. I don't know it still does not seem right sending a 2 year old to bed hungry for not liking the dinner options but maybe that is just me.

njkitty · June 2011

I admit DS doesn't always eat a big dinner, but he's something like 80%ile for weight so I don't worry. If DS were not even registering on the weight scale, I would be feeding him whatever he wanted to eat and bulking it up with sour cream, butter, and bacon just to get the calories in. I just don't get how you can withold food from a child who needs to gain weight.

ashg8r · June 2011

Dinner's in our house are SO hit and miss. DD often goes to bed only having had a cup of milk, and possibly a few bites of fruit. She's just seems to not be hungry at dinner - we usually "make" her eat 2 bites of the meal, and then she can get down, but if I let her, DD would have peanut butter sandwich or cereal for every meal of the day - as it is, that's what she has for breakfast and lunch most days (plus as much fruit as I can get in her.)

I think that a 2 year old has the ability to understand if they're hungry they need to eat and if they aren't, there will be another meal in the morning.

Dreamsicle23 · June 2011

I do that with my 12 month old...the horror!

leslie13510 · June 2011

My kids don't get separate meals from the rest of the family (unless I'm making something that I know they can't or shouldn't eat, which happens maybe once a month). I don't see anything wrong with that. If it were up to them they'd have PB&J sandwiches, cereal, chicken nuggets, and that's about it for every single meal. No freaking way am I going down that path. I have an 18 year old cousin who to this day eats almost nothing but McD's happy meals, PB&J, cereal, and Pop-Tarts. At 18 years old. He is so obviously suffering from malnutrition (even with daily vitamins) it's not even funny. His parents never tried to make him eat anything he didn't want to until he was about 5-6 years old, and by then it was too late to change the habits (or more like it was just sooooo much easier to just continue caving than put in the extensive work it would have required... they did try a few times supposedly). I refuse to give in and make completely separate meals, or give snacks after dinner, if my kids don't want what we're having. I think that the long-term effects of that can be far worse than people realize, especially if you don't have the fortitude to change it later after the habits have been set for half a decade or more. And it can be a lot more difficult than just, "Oh no, I've decided to stand my ground now after all these years, so deal with it 6 year old child of mine, or go hungry."

That said, if my kids were below the weight curve (they're not, they're somewhere around 25% and have been since shortly after birth), I would try and get them more calories to supplement the food they weren't eating. I would add Carnation Instant Breakfast to their milk, put butter on their PB&J's, and add healthy fats to just about anything that they eat. But even then I would not make a totally separate meal just because they don't want to eat what's on their plates, or offer a snack as a meal replacement (unless it was severe and their pedi recommended it).

I also try and put at least one thing in each meal that I "know" they'll eat. I use the word "know" lightly because lately they have randomly decided to start hating things they have always loved. (Talk about a PITmotherf'ingA.) It's a rare night that either of them go to bed without eating anything at all, but it has happened a few times, and about half the time they don't eat very much for dinner.

MeghanF13 · June 2011

I try to make a complete meal (meat/protein, fruit, veggies etc.) that I know she likes at least some of it, and if she doesn't eat it then she doesn't eat dinner. You are actually setting them up for issues with food and more likely to be overweight if you force them to eat when not hungry. DD still gets a snack before bed (cheerios with milk), and she almost always eats that. Most toddlers have hit and miss days - on some days they eat lots and others they don't. I would never force a kid to eat - unless they haven't eaten all day. And btw - DD is very low on the weigh charts as well - but DH is tall and lean so it's not an issue.

ridesbuttons · June 2011

Parents decide what and when kids eat. Kids decide how much.

If a kid does not want to eat dinner (even a skinny toddler) I say fine. Odds are they are getting what they need from their other meals and snacks.

Abuse? The opposite. Giving the child the offering of a balanced meal and letting them decide how much of it to eat is the right thing to do. Offering them cheese puffs or chicken nuggets every time they turn their nose up at something else is just setting them up for future issues.

I'mAcrossThePond · June 2011

leslie13510:
My kids don't get separate meals from the rest of the family (unless I'm making something that I know they can't or shouldn't eat, which happens maybe once a month). I don't see anything wrong with that. If it were up to them they'd have PB&J sandwiches, cereal, chicken nuggets, and that's about it for every single meal. No freaking way am I going down that path. I have an 18 year old cousin who to this day eats almost nothing but McD's happy meals, PB&J, cereal, and Pop-Tarts. At 18 years old. He is so obviously suffering from malnutrition (even with daily vitamins) it's not even funny. His parents never tried to make him eat anything he didn't want to until he was about 5-6 years old, and by then it was too late to change the habits (or more like it was just sooooo much easier to just continue caving than put in the extensive work it would have required... they did try a few times supposedly). I refuse to give in and make completely separate meals, or give snacks after dinner, if my kids don't want what we're having. I think that the long-term effects of that can be far worse than people realize, especially if you don't have the fortitude to change it later after the habits have been set for half a decade or more. And it can be a lot more difficult than just, "Oh no, I've decided to stand my ground now after all these years, so deal with it 6 year old child of mine, or go hungry."

That said, if my kids were below the weight curve (they're not, they're somewhere around 25% and have been since shortly after birth), I would try and get them more calories to supplement the food they weren't eating. I would add Carnation Instant Breakfast to their milk, put butter on their PB&J's, and add healthy fats to just about anything that they eat. But even then I would not make a totally separate meal just because they don't want to eat what's on their plates, or offer a snack as a meal replacement (unless it was severe and their pedi recommended it).

I also try and put at least one thing in each meal that I "know" they'll eat. I use the word "know" lightly because lately they have randomly decided to start hating things they have always loved. (Talk about a PITmotherf'ingA.) It's a rare night that either of them go to bed without eating anything at all, but it has happened a few times, and about half the time they don't eat very much for dinner.

This 100%. It is the parents job to make healthy balanced meals for the child. It is the child's job to eat it. I was playing "short order cook" for my DS1 for a few months and it was exhausting! After going to bed hungry 2 times, he learned that he needs to eat what we are all eating.

With DS2, we started off with BLW, so he eats what we do (or a varient of it) right from the start and I already see that he is MUCH less picky than DS1.

n&bcarlson · June 2011

I do this with my DD and I firmly believe it has made her a less picky eater. I would never make a dinner with nothing in it for her. There will at least be a favorite veggie or maybe a dinner roll that she will eat, and a glass of milk. If she refuses to eat, she know that she will not get anything else, so if she is hungry she eats. The first time she refused, around age 2, we took her up to bed and she cried a lot. We calmed her down and explained the rules again. Then DH went down and brought her a plain piece of bread and some milk, which she ate, and we explained we would not do that again. She refused dinner completely one more time, and when she asked for bread, we said no. She cried, then slept, then ate a really good breakfast. I think as long as you are offering enough food during the day that is healthy and that your child will reasonably eat, you do not need to be a short order cook at dinner. I'd save the word abuse for parents who don't feed their kids. Teaching them to eat what they are offered and be thankful for it is just responsible parenting, IMO.

jenn_darrin1515 · June 2011

leslie13510:

My kids don't get separate meals from the rest of the family (unless I'm making something that I know they can't or shouldn't eat, which happens maybe once a month). I don't see anything wrong with that. If it were up to them they'd have PB&J sandwiches, cereal, chicken nuggets, and that's about it for every single meal. No freaking way am I going down that path. I have an 18 year old cousin who to this day eats almost nothing but McD's happy meals, PB&J, cereal, and Pop-Tarts. At 18 years old. He is so obviously suffering from malnutrition (even with daily vitamins) it's not even funny. His parents never tried to make him eat anything he didn't want to until he was about 5-6 years old, and by then it was too late to change the habits (or more like it was just sooooo much easier to just continue caving than put in the extensive work it would have required... they did try a few times supposedly). I refuse to give in and make completely separate meals, or give snacks after dinner, if my kids don't want what we're having. I think that the long-term effects of that can be far worse than people realize, especially if you don't have the fortitude to change it later after the habits have been set for half a decade or more. And it can be a lot more difficult than just, "Oh no, I've decided to stand my ground now after all these years, so deal with it 6 year old child of mine, or go hungry."

That said, if my kids were below the weight curve (they're not, they're somewhere around 25% and have been since shortly after birth), I would try and get them more calories to supplement the food they weren't eating. I would add Carnation Instant Breakfast to their milk, put butter on their PB&J's, and add healthy fats to just about anything that they eat. But even then I would not make a totally separate meal just because they don't want to eat what's on their plates, or offer a snack as a meal replacement (unless it was severe and their pedi recommended it).

I also try and put at least one thing in each meal that I "know" they'll eat. I use the word "know" lightly because lately they have randomly decided to start hating things they have always loved. (Talk about a PITmotherf'ingA.) It's a rare night that either of them go to bed without eating anything at all, but it has happened a few times, and about half the time they don't eat very much for dinner.

this is what we do...and what I would do if my kids weren't in the 80th percentile for weight...some nites my kids eat all their dinner and then some...sometimes they pick...and some days they maybe eat one bite and claim to be done and go to bed without really eating...I think with toddlers it is more about how much they eat over a day or week vs. how much at each meal...

LisiLynn · June 2011

I think its a method that has been used for generations. Their children will be fine. They apparently aren't as concerned about their children's weight issues. Perhaps because it does run in their families? Lots of children seem to exhist on air. I personally don't really subscribe to this because making DS go to bed hungry causes him to whine and cry so I usually just offer him a vareity of healthy quick foods if he doesn't like what we're having for dinner. I never offer Mac and Cheese or something like that but if he'd like some plain yoghurt or fresh veggies and a slice of sprouted wheat bread or some beans, that's fine with me.

I just think you have to do what's best for you and try hard not to judge what others are doing.

amyjoy18 · June 2011

I wouldn't call it abuse--but I definitely think there is middle ground!

DD is on the small side and has always hovered between the 3rd and 5th percentile for weight. Dinner is always her smallest meal of the day--but she usually eats at least one bite of everything.

After dinner/before bed she almost always asks for a snack--which I always let her have. Usually it's yogurt, cheese & crackers, pretzels, popcorn or fruit. She may not eat all of her dinner--but I don't have to turn into a short order cook--and she doesn't go to bed hungry.

She is very much a grazer in terms of eating...so it doesn't make sense to deny her food if she doesn't eat all of her dinner.

Want a personalized experience?

Going to bed hungry? (long)

Re: Going to bed hungry? (long)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards