IN SHOCK. 2 U 2 and finances when a surprise?

Go_Dawgs · June 2011

We adopted our 13 month LO, and yesterday got an email from the birth mom that she is pregnant, due in October, and really wants us to adopt.

We are sooooo torn. We just don't feel like we can do it financially, but we would love to adopt our son's biological child.

Was anyone's second unplanned, and were you freaked out about money? I just don't know how we will manage two in daycare.

caymanbride · June 2011

i don't have any advice, and I haven't been in your situation, but I think you should do it. My boys are 2 years apart, and honestly, you just find the money when you need it. I think (from my stranger/outsider's perspective, LOL) that this is an amazing opportunity for you and your son, and that you should do everything in your power to make this work. I think it's something that you might regret later in life possibly?

samakasrc · June 2011

caymanbride:
i don't have any advice, and I haven't been in your situation, but I think you should do it. My boys are 2 years apart, and honestly, you just find the money when you need it. I think (from my stranger/outsider's perspective, LOL) that this is an amazing opportunity for you and your son, and that you should do everything in your power to make this work. I think it's something that you might regret later in life possibly?

I agree with this. My dd will be 18 months apart and this one was a complete shock, we're not in a financial place to have another, but we'll find a way to make it work.

ryaroberts · June 2011

I say definitely do it...You'll find a way!

vanessaNOV2 · June 2011

Well im a sahm, so we dont pay for daycare but I can tell you my boys love eachother so much & the younger learns from the older one so quickly. This sounds like a fantastic oppurtunity & although $ will be super tight & you might have to sacrifice other things, it is worth it in the overall picture.u

kcisthebombdotcom · June 2011

What about instead of doing daycare do a nanny situation instead? That's generally a lot more affordable option a lot of the time than 2 in a daycare center.

Unfortunately, you dont have the luxury of 2u2 moms who have 8 months to prepare, but you still do have a few months to figure out a cheaper alternative to the childcare situation you have now. Since this may be a once in a lifetime opportunity, I'd probably go for it.

GL!

c4162 · June 2011

What an amzing opportunity! I have heard that there are government susidies for some daycare situations. Also, I would look into charities targeted at helping adopted charities as they may be able to contribute financially in order to encourage adoption.

I truly wish you the best of luck in trying to make this happen.

Mrs.T22308 · June 2011

LO#2 was a complete shock to us as well... we had originally planned to wait another year (pay off some debt and the cars) before getting pregnant with #2. Well, here we are and we can't back out now!

We'll make it work. You always can find a way. Any baby things we need to re buy (we sold some of it), we'll get on craigslist or ebay. I'm already a bargain/coupon shopper so that just stepped up to a whole new level. DH can work a contract job extra whenever he wants (private eye) so he'll be working a couple cases a week around his already crazy FT work schedule so that when I am home for 6 weeks, we won't be so strapped.

I was diagnosed with GD same day I found out I was pregnant, so we've had the huge added expense of supplies/meds for that and the additional doctor's appointments. Again... we just will find a way to make it work!

Mr.&MrsS · June 2011

This seems like one of those great opportunities that may not come up again. It would be great to give your LO a biological sibling. (Of course, that is easy for me to say from the outside looking in).

As for day care, when I got pregnant with #2 we moved DS1 from an expensive day care center to an in home day care. We are currently paying the same for 2 kids in day care that I was paying for just 1 in the center. And it was the best move we could have ever made. I was never fully happy with the center, and the two women who run the in home day care love my kids and take great care of them. And they teach them a ton! If you just look around, I am sure you can find a way to save money on childcare.

Good luck!

12bailey18 · June 2011

samakasrc:

caymanbride:
i don't have any advice, and I haven't been in your situation, but I think you should do it. My boys are 2 years apart, and honestly, you just find the money when you need it. I think (from my stranger/outsider's perspective, LOL) that this is an amazing opportunity for you and your son, and that you should do everything in your power to make this work. I think it's something that you might regret later in life possibly?

I agree with this. My dd will be 18 months apart and this one was a complete shock, we're not in a financial place to have another, but we'll find a way to make it work.

This is us too!

CaitlinJ22 · June 2011

I think you could find a way to make it work if you were willing. Couponing, cutting cable, downgrade cars etc. I would take the advice the pps said about daycare. I think you could do it and you would never regret it....you may regret not adopting the baby though.

jgoo · June 2011

CaitlinJ22:
I think you could find a way to make it work if you were willing. Couponing, cutting cable, downgrade cars etc. I would take the advice the pps said about daycare. I think you could do it and you would never regret it....you may regret not adopting the baby though.

This!

To be honest, we would have chosen to wait a little longer for #2 so we could financially be in a better place. But she was a surprise & we've made it work! Love her to pieces & wouldn't trade it for the world.

I say do it! Big Smile

monona9 · June 2011

Our second was unplanned. We just need to make it work - and we have so far. We've made lots of sacrifices and budgeted like crazy.

Just take some time to think on it. Pray on it if you pray. If you feel like this is your baby then go for it.

One of my friends was adopted and his parents were in a similar situation. His bio mom had another son shortly after and his parents were given the opportunity to adopt him (brother) but they did not. His parents told him about his biological brother, so he searched for him and when he was about 27 years old I believe he found him. His brother lives across the country. My friend met him and luckily his brother was placed with a good family. It's so funny how oddly similar they are considering they did not grow up together. I know he kind of wishes his parents would have adopted his brother, but he says he understands why they didn't. He says he is grateful to know him now and have somewhat a relationship with him.

Good luck with your decision. I know it can't be easy.

BrittKav · June 2011

A lot of people have unplanned pregnancies and make it work. I say, go for it! As long as you can still provide for your family, I think it's worth stretching pennies to be able to adopt your son's bio sibling. What a blessing! I hope all works out for you.

Bride2b2004 · June 2011

This same exact situation happened to my neighbor, except they already had 2 girls (ages 6 & 9) before adopting their little boy. Less than a year later, the birth mother wanted them to adopt an infant. They ended up doing it. It is hard work, but very worth it to them. GL deciding!

Wifey421Brooke · June 2011

My 2 are just a year apart. #2 was a huge surprise but a good one at that. Putting myself in your shoes (knowing just what you put in this post) I do not think I would be able to say no to something like that.

There is no greater gift you could give your son (and this other baby) than for them to be together. What a special gift for you and your DH as well. Good luck with whatever you do.

WhitePicketFence · June 2011

Have you looked into the cost of an in-home daycare vs. a center?

I'm a SAHM, but I've found it much less expensive to add a 2nd child to the family than it was to add the first. Our girls will be 18 months apart and we haven't had to buy a single thing yet for #2 since DD's stuff is still in great condition.

moonfaerie · June 2011

Well, I agree with the PP and think you should really consider it. But, I have to ask, what is up with the birth mom that she didn't take precautions after giving one baby up for adoption? I can only imagine that difficult feelings one encounters when placing a baby for adoption, and I have to think she's pretty careless to end up in that situation again, especially so soon.

For you, 2u2 will be a blessing. It's so fun to watch your kids grow as part of 2u2.

MAMAxB · June 2011

Sorry for being the unpopular opinion... but I don't think you should.

Obviously, the first and most important thing to do would be to PRAY about it.

I guess it would depend on what you mean by not prepared financially. If you mean you have 20k in debt.. the baby deserves to be in a home where you are able to give them good examples of how to live financially & delay gratification.

If by not prepared financially, you mean you don't have any saved. I think you should set a goal to save X amount by October and if you have it.. it's meant to be. And I agree from there - you can find a way.

But you should never go into debt to do something you feel is morally right IMO.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

mayowife · June 2011

It's hard to place myself in your shoes, but I really can't imagine not adopting my child's biological sibling. I'm sure that DH and I would do whatever it would take to make room in our lives for a second child to love.

CrystalDaun · June 2011

I haven't read all the replies yet but my kids are close in age and I couldn't imagine things any other way. We just cut corners every way we could. Started using store brand diapers/wipes, buying our own groceries at aldi and the produce market instead of the more expensive grocery stores. I stopped shopping at Ny&Co and Express at the mall and the bulk of mine and DH's wardrobe is Target & Walmart now. I go to the outlets for the kids clothes or only shop w/ coupons (carter's, osh gosh, ect). I sell their clothes when they are done with them to once upon a child and take that money to buy new clothes that fit. It's little things like that that have really made a difference since our kids are different genders and only so much could be a hand me down. No wthat DD's potty trained we're back to 1 in diapers and that's a relief. I think if you can make it work w/ daycare you should do it. :-)

ringer10 · June 2011

MAMAxB:
Sorry for being the unpopular opinion... but I don't think you should.
Obviously, the first and most important thing to do would be to PRAY about it.

I guess it would depend on what you mean by not prepared financially. If you mean you have 20k in debt.. the baby deserves to be in a home where you are able to give them good examples of how to live financially & delay gratification.

If by not prepared financially, you mean you don't have any saved. I think you should set a goal to save X amount by October and if you have it.. it's meant to be. And I agree from there - you can find a way.

But you should never go into debt to do something you feel is morally right IMO.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

I'm just wondering if you would give the same advice to someone who was pregnant w/#2? Would you advise that woman to give up her baby or to choose not to have it?

Plenty of people have debt and have babies. Our whole country is full of people making ill-advised decisions regarding finances and a lot of them have children. I don't think adoptive parents should be held to a higher standard than anyone else. It sounds like most of the women on this board with unplanned #2 made it work.

Not trying to flame, it just struck a nerve with me.

cotner · June 2011

I was laid off when I was 7 months pregnant with #2. We lost half of our income. I was so scared, but it was a blessing in disguise. I worked really hard on cutting our expenses to the neccessary and any small splurges went to the kids. I just went back to work part time 3 weeks ago. I got to spend the first two years with DS and I wouldn't trade that for any amount of money. DHs company went under and he was out of work for about 4 months of my time off. We learned that you can make it, happily, on a lot less.

I now never buy clothes unless they are on a clearance rack. I have 2 plastic bins full on brand new clothes from size 3T to 6x. Garage sales and 2nd hand stores are great. I switched most of my cleaners to ones made from vinegar, baking soda, and bought a ton of microfiber cloths. I use vinegar for almost everything and it's so cheap. If I have to buy a big ticket item I do a ton of research so that I know we are spending our money wisely.

MammaBear81 · June 2011

ringer10:
MAMAxB:
Sorry for being the unpopular opinion... but I don't think you should.
Obviously, the first and most important thing to do would be to PRAY about it.

I guess it would depend on what you mean by not prepared financially. If you mean you have 20k in debt.. the baby deserves to be in a home where you are able to give them good examples of how to live financially & delay gratification.

If by not prepared financially, you mean you don't have any saved. I think you should set a goal to save X amount by October and if you have it.. it's meant to be. And I agree from there - you can find a way.

But you should never go into debt to do something you feel is morally right IMO.

Good luck with whatever you decide!
I'm just wondering if you would give the same advice to someone who was pregnant w/#2? Would you advise that woman to give up her baby or to choose not to have it?
Plenty of people have debt and have babies. Our whole country is full of people making ill-advised decisions regarding finances and a lot of them have children. I don't think adoptive parents should be held to a higher standard than anyone else. It sounds like most of the women on this board with unplanned #2 made it work.
Not trying to flame, it just struck a nerve with me.

I agree with ringer... And OP as long as you aren't drowning in debt already, I think you can make two under two work. The larger our family grows the less I find myself spending. We shop smarter, wait for sales, clip coupons, dont have fancy cars, but we have what is important, our family. We also have an au pair for child care, as PP ssid depending on the COL in your area a nanny or au pair might be s better child care move. GL and keep us posted.

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