How to talk to little girls

missyjg · June 2011

I just really enjoyed this article that someone posted on FB. Thought I'd share.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html?ref=fb&src=sp

Two*True · June 2011

In the last few years I've read several studies/articles about this topic. I always try not to say "aren't you cute" to a girl when I first meet her, just as I try not to say "hey handsome" to little boys...(or similar thoughts). Why have the first interaction with a child be centered around his/her looks? Am I guilty of it, sure, but I try to be aware of it and change my behavior.

And since I am aware of my behavior I am overtly aware of how others treat my DD. It's always "how cute", "how pretty", "lovely curls", "dainty dress" and when someone does start out with something different I'm appreciative.

TinaL99 · June 2011

Thanks for sharing this! I'm definitely guilty of telling DD how cute she is and I've done the same thing to my niece as well. Even though I try and remember, this is a great reminder for me to focus on someting other than looks. I sent it to DH, too!

Telyco · June 2011

ITA with this. But in knowing that this is how the majority of housholds talk to their girls...I wouldn't want to be one of the few that never says anything like that either. I grew up not worrying about body image and clothes and what not...and by the time I realized it myself I was overweight and out of style So I think it shouldn't be forgotten that keeping fit and having a nice appearance is actually a GOOD thing as well. I will have a talk with L about that - and if she is a chubby teen I will help her with it...because the pressures that you get are unavoidable and the teen years are hard enough.

MrsWhiteonWhiteSt · June 2011

ehhhh. I don't know.

I would never think of someone saying something like that to my kids as a bad thing. I know I do it to adults too. When you meet someone new- it's friendly to compliment their hair, their outfit, their makeup etc... None of us can deny that 1st impressions ARE about looks 99% of the time. In a world where these kids are so self conscious and "unhappy and getting eating disorders", I think the best thing we can do is compliment their looks. I think it's our job as mommys to teach our daughters that they are more than just looks. I have 2 nieces and when I see them I do usually compliment them on how they look that day. I also will gush over their new skills (like swimming yesterday, or riding their bikes) I see. I think this woman is a little over dramatic to say she "squelched" herself.

MelissaSue81 · June 2011

MrsWhiteonWhiteSt:
ehhhh. I don't know.
I would never think of someone saying something like that to my kids as a bad thing. I know I do it to adults too. When you meet someone new- it's friendly to compliment their hair, their outfit, their makeup etc... None of us can deny that 1st impressions ARE about looks 99% of the time. In a world where these kids are so self conscious and "unhappy and getting eating disorders", I think the best thing we can do is compliment their looks. I think it's our job as mommys to teach our daughters that they are more than just looks. I have 2 nieces and when I see them I do usually compliment them on how they look that day. I also will gush over their new skills (like swimming yesterday, or riding their bikes) I see. I think this woman is a little over dramatic to say she "squelched" herself.

I knew you would disagree with this.

i totally see the point.. but there is noooo way I'm not gonna tell my girls how gorgeous they are every day.. I also read an article the other day that says you shouldnt tell kids they're smart but praise their effort instead... Thats not happening here either..

DawnAM · June 2011

As a soon-to-be mother of a little girl, I really liked this article, too. And I thought the reading question was great for a number of reasons. Definitely more interesting than the usual "how old are you, what grade are you in, etc" that people usually ask children.

Telyco · June 2011

MelissaSue81:
MrsWhiteonWhiteSt:

ehhhh. I don't know.

I would never think of someone saying something like that to my kids as a bad thing. I know I do it to adults too. When you meet someone new- it's friendly to compliment their hair, their outfit, their makeup etc... None of us can deny that 1st impressions ARE about looks 99% of the time. In a world where these kids are so self conscious and "unhappy and getting eating disorders", I think the best thing we can do is compliment their looks. I think it's our job as mommys to teach our daughters that they are more than just looks. I have 2 nieces and when I see them I do usually compliment them on how they look that day. I also will gush over their new skills (like swimming yesterday, or riding their bikes) I see. I think this woman is a little over dramatic to say she "squelched" herself.

I knew you would disagree with this.

i totally see the point.. but there is noooo way I'm not gonna tell my girls how gorgeous they are every day.. I also read an article the other day that says you shouldnt tell kids they're smart but praise their effort instead... Thats not happening here either..

This is a fantastic point as well...and probably the reason "kid these days" graduate with a random english degree and assume they will land a 100K job....and end up living with mom and dad instead of "settling" for the 25K job they are actually qualified for and the shiity apartment they can afford.

missyjg · June 2011

I think life is a balancing act. I think if you do too much of something or not enough of something (like praise) it will have a negative effect.

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