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Toddlers: 24 Months+
My toddler is more work than my newborn
I guess I had expected my newborn to be the challenging one but boy was I wrong. DD#1 is giving us a run for our money right now and DD#2 is the easiest baby I have ever met.
DD#1's tantrums are getting to the point of exhausting right now. This morning she had a gigantic tantrum from about the time she woke up until her and DH left for daycare. In the last few days we've had tantrums about bathing, getting dressed, going to bed, getting in the car, and on and on. I'm not just talking about crying a little I'm talking about full blown screaming bloody murder, throwing herself on the ground, lasting for 15+ minute tantrums.
I realize she has had a lot of changes in her life recently but holy moly! We have tried to be sensitive to everything she is going through, we did all the preperation for baby, included her, kept her routine consistent, giving her extra special time with mommy and/or daddy.
It's to the point where I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her just waiting for the bomb to explode again. It's frustrating and sad and to the point where somedays I just cry because I not only am I so tired of it but I feel bad for her.
Any ideas or suggestions or even general support? TIA
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Re: My toddler is more work than my newborn
have you read any of the toddler discipline books?
I started reading 123 Magic (haven't fniished yet, but it made me feel better about all the issues DD seems to be having).
I just finished reading 'Raising Your Spirited Child' which really did make me feel better while reading it but not in the actual moment:) It is a good book though and we are trying to follow a lot of the advice.
W/ the exception of LO #1 being a DS, I could have written this exact post word.for.word. I took both to story time today and vented to a friend that I was walking on eggshells while out in public. DS has thrown fits/tantrums like I can't believe - it took over 90 minutes to get him into bed last night.
We've doen the same things you mentioned - he eats up the alone time, is sweet, etc, but it can all change in a moment.
I wish I had advice - but I need it myself. GL!
It must be the age, because I could have written this most word for word, too. We have had the biggest tantrums over the smallest stuff -- it is beyond frustrating and completely, completely exhausting.
We had the WORST morning today because DD just fought us the whole time while getting ready for school. She kicked her feet, threw things (a t-shirt, but still -- she threw it at me), and screamed bloody murder. By the time I dropped her off and got home I felt terrible and like I needed a long, long nap!
I've read 1,2,3 Magic and love the book, but what I find we have the most problems with are what the authors deem "start" behaviors -- that is, when it's time to brush teeth, get dressed, get in the car, etc.
Honestly, it isn't all the transition to a sibling thing. My kids are 4 years apart and it was just a 2 year old thing...and now it's a 2 year old and a 6 year old when he is exhausted or hungry thing... hang in there.
My best advice is to walk away from the tantrums and pick those things you battle carefully. Honestly, one day I took my DS to preschool at 3 years old in his underwear because he wouldn't get dressed... and the teachers said they were used to this kind of thing. Plus, it never happened again.
I would ignore the tantrums and then allow her a few things which she has choices about because she is just tantruming to get noticed and get some independence. So, choices like would she like to wear the pink socks or the purple ones... would she like to run or skip to the car, would she like to read Goodnight Moon or another nighttime book after PJ's are on, can you buckle her in her seat before she finishes singing a song she knows... Make sure the choices include what you need her to do, but within that see if there are simple things she can have control over. At this age it is all about control...so give them something they think they can control and it should help.
And honestly... the 2's and after are much harder than having a newborn... especially if that newborn sleeps. As they say, the bigger the kid, the bigger the problems.
you're not alone. DS had about a 30 minute tantrum last night. We bought a new carseat for him and he wanted to sit in it in the house (because we were putting it together and getting the straps right). Then he wanted the crotch part snapped but when we would buckle it he immediately wanted it unbuckled so we told him we weren't doing the crotch buckle. All hell broke loose.
and I almost forgot. It all started because we woke him up from a nap and he mustn't have slept enough becuase he was soooo cranky.
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Sounds about right.
New territory is always rougher than the beaten path. A newborn is a joke when you also have a toddler.
You'll get through this phase, then something new will come up. In the meantime, give yourself a break. Having a newborn and a toddler is hardest on mom.