I know I'm wrong for feeling this way...
ambrvan
member
Ok, so my baby sister is a couple weeks old now, and I just saw on Facebook that they had pictures taken. The black and white kinds with black background and everything. There is a beautiful picture of my mom, stepdad, little brother, and new sister. I only know about it because I saw it on Facebook. She never told me about the pictures, let alone invited me to be in them.
Now, I know I'm completely wrong for feeling this way, but seeing that picture makes me start feeling cut out again. Mom and me have been getting along ok recently. Ok as in as long as we keep the conversation to the baby and breastfeeding (she didn't do it with my brother and me, but she's doing it with new baby) everything is fine.
I went down there the weekend after she was born and we had a good visit. The best I've had in years. I told myself that it was great we had a good visit but not to expect that to be the norm and just quit getting my hopes up that we were ever going to be buddy-buddy. That way I don't get hurt when the next visit or phone conversation goes badly.
I know I'm so wrong for feeling this way. I am going to ask her for a copy of that picture to put up here. She did take a picture of the three of us (me, bro, and baby) together on her phone and put that on Facebook, too, but it still seems like she only did it for appearances now. I doubt one she'll put up in her house. She is going to give a copy to my grandmother, though, so she says (because my grandmother asked for it).
I don't know why this stupid little thing that really shouldn't mean anything hurts me so bad. And in my head, I can see how it was logical for her not to include me in the picture since I don't live with her, or even near her. She might have just assumed I wouldn't be able to come down for that since I just recently visited and we only see each other a couple times a year. But still, she could have invited me to join them. And what she doesn't know is that I would have come... She doesn't know how many things I would have come to in the past if I had been invited, her functions and that side of my family. She really thought I wasn't coming to her baby shower. How could she think I would miss that?
Re: I know I'm wrong for feeling this way...
Yes, it is a blended family situation. My brother (13) is my full brother, and my mom and stepdad have only been married almost two years. My new sister is his first child (and she has mentioned trying for another immediately).
I talked to my mom briefly at her shower about why she thought I wouldn't come. She said she just didn't think I'd be able to make it. She knows I work a lot and I don't like bringing the kids such a long distance and we only only have one vehicle so usually it's not an option to travel unless my DH and I are both available. I told her that I wouldn't have missed it for anything - that if I had to work, I would have switched shifts with someone. I told her DH understands how hard it is for me to be away from my family and would have done anything to make sure I could get there if it was something I wanted to go to.
I keep trying to tell myself to just grow up. I'm almost 22, but when it comes to my mom and her family, I feel like I'm acting like a whiny brat. Her new life should not bother me as it would if I were living under her roof. I guess I was just expecting that we could repair our relationship if there was some physical distance between us. But I feel like every time things start to get better, something happens to remind me how excluded I am and how out of place I have always been to her.
I don't think you're wrong to feel the way you do. I think in that situation I'd feel the same way.
What if you contacted her and said "Oh, Mom, I love your pictures. Can I get copies? Oh, and is there any way we could all get together sometime soon and take some with the entire family? I'm realizing how long it's been since I've had any pictures with you or [little brother] and I'd really like some with my new sister and step-dad!" Maybe that would help her to understand that you really do want to be a part of this "new family". (You could have them done at a Sears or WalMart fairly inexpensively?)
SD is 21. She went thru all the feelings you went thru. I can't explain why your mom chose to do pictures without you. Had SD and SS lived closer and we were all ever together at the same time, I'd have pictures taken together but that's impossible. She still felt left out and I can't fault her for that. I can understand why. Don't feel bad. You're certainly entitled.
Why don't you tell her how you feel? And why don't you suggest pictures with just you and her, and your brother, and ask that if she minds if you also take some just kid pictures with your younger siblings. If you do it in a positive way that shows her your hurt, yet I'm big enough to deal and work through it kind of way I bet it will be recieved well. What if you offer to pay for the sitting and pictures and then give her a copy of them framed. It doesn't have to be expensive. A sitting fee and a couple good shots might cost $100 - $400 depending on what you get and do. Shop around for a good affordable photographer.