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Hi! :)

lambdalady4lambdalady4
in Blended Families

Hello :) I mostly read and sometimes give a little input... but I figured I should introduce myself...

Im 29 and have been married for almost 3 years. My SS is 5... we have him every weekend.

My life is not exactly the fairly tale I always dreamed of but My DH is just soooo wonderful that i constantly remind myself that I could have been with a man who had no kids but would have been a total jerk... sooo He truly makes it all worth it and he is just so gorgeous :) hehehehehe...

I wish BM and I had a better relationship or an actual relationship I dont mean be friends but heck I take care of her son, feed him wipe his bootie the least she could do is acknowledge me! DH says she is easily intimidated and obviously very immature.. they were never married and dated very briefly before she got pregnant... they were both very young...

I dont' have any children and ideally would wait maybe 2 more years, hopefully my biological clock cooperates. I have been feeling a little sad lately because in the beginning of our marriage he wanted me to get pregnant really fast and I really didnt want to since his son only 2 1/2 yo and I wanted us to be more settled and his son more independent. now 3 years later he says he doesnt want any more kids because he feels that they are alot of work blah blah blah.... my whole thing is #1 is not fair to me! and #2 we will have a partnership in raising a new baby it wont be the same experience he had with BM... Dh is a really really good Dad he is sooo sweet and caring but he feels that now that his son is almost 6 and independent he kind of wants to sit back and relax and I would love in the future to have my own children.. it feels like roles reversed lol I dont want to make a big deal about it since I dont want kids now but it def hurts me that Im his wife he loves me but doesnt want to have kids??? just doesnt seem fair Broken Heart

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Re: Hi! :)

  • up2something1up2something1

    You really need to talk with him about it bc youre sacrificing a lot and if you two as a couple decided you wanted kids and hes going back on it thats not good. I would be devistated in your position. Youve talked about how great he is so put him to the test with this. Once he knows how you feel hopefully he feels the same way as you do.

    As far as the BM relationship thing goes, I feel like its one of those things that isnt meant to be. Im not sure if my soon to be step kids mom know about me and we live together, however they havent seen her since weve moved in, but she would never say a kind word to me or anyone SO associates with anyhow.

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  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member

    That really doesn't seem fair.  If you decided as a couple before you were married that you wanted more kids, then I can't imagine how devastating it must be to have him say he's reconsidered. 

    Just try and remember he's probably coming from a place of "wow, this has been a really hard experience" like you said.  Don't take it personally.  But don't take it lying down either.  Maybe it's time to talk to a counselor?

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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  • Mrs.lovelyMrs.lovely

    My H wanted to have a child a few years ago when I was not ready. Thats all he talked about!  I had an ectopic and lost one of my tubes and I immediately got on BC I was so scared when they told me I was prego and I am a FT step mom but this was reality and H was nervous but ok with it. 

     I wanted to further my career, education and live a little.  He knows I love children and I have even looked into adopting or becoming a foster parent.  After you get married the next question is, when are you going to have a baby..... so because of something I said to someone (I mean you get tired after the 50th time being asked) my H thought I wanted to wait.... so we sat down at the beginning of the year had a serious talk about when to start trying to have a child.  We were on completely separate pages, he wanted to wait a few more years and I wanted to start trying in June (now) he asked me why I wanted to rush and for the most part I am not rushing.  He had his kids young, I think at our age is when you should be starting a family so who really rushed...

    So after talking I was really upset and I told him that if he didnt want kids to tell me now because this is something that is not negotiable. With every relationship, whether its bf and gf, H and W, friends, there is a give and a take, something that is negotiable or out of the picture and you have to draw the line what are you willing to sacrifice.  Personally I would be devastated if he told me that he did not want to have kids, that would probably be the end of our marriage.  

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  • lambdalady4lambdalady4
    imageFutureMrsWittig:

    Just try and remember he's probably coming from a place of "wow, this has been a really hard experience" like you said.  Don't take it personally.  But don't take it lying down either.  Maybe it's time to talk to a counselor?

    Thank you Future, I agree and perhaps that's exactly what he is feeling; fear...

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  • lambdalady4lambdalady4
    imageAgrant17:

     

     We were on completely separate pages, he wanted to wait a few more years and I wanted to start trying in June (now) he asked me why I wanted to rush and for the most part I am not rushing.  He had his kids young, I think at our age is when you should be starting a family so who really rushed...

      

     

    Im sorry about your eptopic pregnancy :(

    Oh my Gosh.. you said it perfectly! while he was taking care of a new born I partied, finished college, traveled with friends and pretty much enjoyed my late teens and early 20's... Now that Im all partied out and starting to plan ahead for our life and future family I can't help but feel a little cheated. Don't get me wrong I dont want a baby NOW.. perhaps in 2 more years. Id like to be more settled professionally and be more financially stable. We also faced a rocky 2nd year of marriage in which we seeked a counselor. I didnt expect marriage to be smooth sailing but our different upbringing and some of the chains he carries reflect on our marriage and it simply sucks! any way I feel Im rambling now lol but you DEF nailed it with that line  :) thanks for making me smile...

    BTW last night I made a noncholant comment about wanting a little girl in the future and he smiled and said oh yeah. but dont you want to enjoy your new body ( Im getting a little work done in August) and I said yeah 2 years is enough lol

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