NOW I feel infertile and a question about donating embryos - warning EMOTIONAL! — The Bump
Secondary IF

NOW I feel infertile and a question about donating embryos - warning EMOTIONAL!

Warning - I am still emotional and this will read insane.  Please don't hate me, my brain feels like it is spinning right now, I need reassurance.

OK, this weekend DH and I sat down to read over the IVF paperwork.  With IUI I felt like we were fine, just needed a little help.  IVF makes me feel 100% infertile.  I am not judging people who need it, and I know that I am not being judged by needing it, but moving there is an emotional kick in the gut.  And that consent form did not really help.  I love how it goes over all the side effects - like the meds.  Side effects, moodiness, zits, whatever, or death.  And the surgery, side effects, drowsiness, nausea, or death.  And hey, you only have like a 30% shot of this even working, or you might die.  Have a nice day.

But one part of the consent for has me and DH in debate.   What do we do with any leftover embryos.  Trash them, freeze them, or donate them.  DH is not opposed to donating them to help another couple.  I am still really emotional (you know, because of my potential, although unlikely death), so I am not sure yet.  Could I stand it if we were walking and I saw another couple walking around with OUR child?  I will ask this at my IVF teach class Thursday but what do you all think?  I DO like the idea of helping another couple, but what are the odds of that couple living near us?  I keep coming back to people on our street having a little Emily of their own.  And of course it is a clone of my Emily...  help me!

Thanks everyone.


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And with the delivery trifecra of one twin vaginal, one c-section with general anesthesia for twin B, Spencer and Sidney joined us at 35 weeks exactly on June 18.

Re: NOW I feel infertile and a question about donating embryos - warning EMOTIONAL!

  • So sorry that you're having a hard time with this.Dont' be so hard on yourself regarding infertility.  Infertility is infertility wether it a little bit or a lot, bottom line is that we all need help getting pregnant so if IVF is what you need to help you then go for it.  I think if I ever had the decision to make regarding the embryos I would freeze mine until I was 100% sure that I didn't want to use anymore of them.  I hate to say it but I couldn't handle the idea of donating them.  Even as selfish as that sounds I just couldn't do that unless it was someone I knew or someone in my family.  I couldn't handle the idea of someone possible mistreating my LO.  Just my stance though.  I'm sure you will do what is best for you.
    Trying for baby #2 since May 2010. DX elevated prolactin. Clomid round 1-50mg=BFN. Clomid round 2-100mg = BFN. Began taking Cabergoline and prolactin levels regulated. July IUI#1= BFN. Break cycle for August and BFP on 8/26/11! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFruit Ticker
  • I totally know how you feel.  It is a very hard and emtotional decision to move from IUI to IVF, but then to make all of these decisions before you have even started is even harder.  When I came to what to do with embroyos that we have left over, my husband and I were lucky enough to have the choice (I do not know if it varies state by state) to donate them to science.  We felt that we would not be able to donate them to someone for the same fears that you have and we did not want to destroy them either.  So we thought by donating them to science, they would still potentially be helping someone. 
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  • you are so NOT insane for feeling the way you do...I just had my 2nd IUI completed this morning and think I burst in to tears the other day when I thought...what if I'm infertile, what do I feel about IVF, blah blah, yes, the same thoughts you have about IVF have crossed my mind too...there are so many unanswered questions as we venture in to the unknown...for me, if IVF becomes our only option than I definitely am going to have a heart to heart with friends that I know who have gone thru I couldn't bear the thought of life waiting to happen...I'll be 37 next month & my mom & her mom went thru menopause in their early early 40' for me I keep hearing the ticking of the clock...whatever you decide just know you are not alone in your thoughts as we aren't the first who have to make these decisions and we, unfortunately, aren't the last...
  • This has been the basic dilemma my DH and I have with IVF....when we first started fertility treatment 6 months ago, we went into it agreeing we would not do IVF (we of course assumed the IUI would work). But now we are are here...6 months later, no baby, 3 failed IUIs and IVF staring us in the face. I too am struggling...Could I do it? Could I create lives only to discard them? Is it fair for me to create more children I won't be able to keep, when there are so many children who already exist who need loving homes? Those embryos are my children and while giving them away is indeed a noble thing if it helps someone else, I would live the rest of my life wondering where they are, who they've become and probably feeling guilty.

    These are indeed difficult situations that require big, emotional decisions with life long implications. Be kind to yourself, you've been through a lot. You're doing the right thing in reading all the fine print and considering all the factors....and talking to others. I'm interested to hear how your meeting goes this week ....keep us posted!

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