Sending LO#1 to DC while on mat leave with LO#2?

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha · June 2011

Hey ladies, DD will become a big sister sometime in August, and I've been going back and forth with whether to keep her home with me and the baby while I'm on leave or not.

In order for her to keep her spot, we will have to pay for DC whether she goes or not, so money is not a factor in this equation.

On one hand, I figure sending her to DC even though I'm home would help provide her with an environment that she is familiar with. And since I hear so much about how important routine and stability are important to small children (DD will be +/-22 months when this LO comes), I think that might be a smart thing to do. And of course, I won't try to hide the fact that the idea of dealing with her AND the baby all day every day is a little overwhelming.

On the other hand, I feel major mommy guilt for sending DD "away" when I'm home all day. Like, our grandmothers dealt with like 11 children at a time and didn't get a break, so I feel like a total wuss for even thinking about getting that "break".

There's also the option of sending DD to DC, but maybe dropping her off a bit later in the morning/picking her up earlier in the afternoon. But since the point of sending her to DC would be to give her some sense of routine and stability, I would rather avoid changing those times every day.

Sorry this is sort of long and rambly. I guess my question in the end is: would you do it? Would you keep on sending LO#1 to DC (on a "lighter" schedule or not) while you're on maternity leave even though you're home?

kcisthebombdotcom · June 2011

If I had to keep a child in daycare on mat leave to not lose my spot, I'd keep them in on a part time basis. Maybe 2-3 days a week?

Mrs White · June 2011

I fully intend to send DS to daycare while I am hope with DD. Newborns are exhausting and I want to be able to nap while #2 naps so that I am able to play with DS when he gets home. I know that keeping his routine the same will help him with the transition as well. Granted, I may pick him up early some days.

OrangeSmoke · June 2011

Mrs White:
I fully intend to send DS to daycare while I am hope with DD. Newborns are exhausting and I want to be able to nap while #2 naps so that I am able to play with DS when he gets home. I know that keeping his routine the same will help him with the transition as well. Granted, I may pick him up early some days.

This - if I'm hypothtically ever having another kid.

xtencornfield · June 2011

DS #1 will be going to DC while I'm on maternity leave on his normal schedule. I only have 6 weeks off with DS #2, so a) it's not worth messing up DS #1's schedule for such a short period of time, particularly since he NEEDS a set routine, and b) I want to spend as much time as possible with DS #2 and prepare myself for going back sooner this time around. DS #1 loves DC, so I don't feel guilty at all about sending him as usual.

Pesky · June 2011

I sent her every.single.day. It worked beautifully. Win-win for everyone. She got the consistency in schedule and attention she needed. I got to only worry about one kid while exhausted and sleep-deprived and still healing from birth. DS got to have that special one-on-one time with mom that his sister also had enjoyed while I was figuring him out and he was getting used to the world. I may have picked her up a little early each day but not terribly so.

ldcoffel · June 2011

I plan to take DD to daycare while on maternity leave. She needs to stay on schedule and I will need a break to sleep. She loves school anyway.

ak1234 · June 2011

Pesky:
I sent her every.single.day. It worked beautifully. Win-win for everyone. She got the consistency in schedule and attention she needed. I got to only worry about one kid while exhausted and sleep-deprived and still healing from birth. DS got to have that special one-on-one time with mom that his sister also had enjoyed while I was figuring him out and he was getting used to the world. I may have picked her up a little early each day but not terribly so.

This. Word for word. I am still recovering from my c-section (ie, I still can't pick up my toddler). Hopefully by the time my mother goes home, I will be ok picking him up. I will probably pick him up earlier than usual, but other than that, nothing will change. At DC, he gets a lot of one on one attention, they do crafts, they have water play two days a week, they go to story time, they play outside. There is NO WAY I can do all of that with a new baby.

azuremama · June 2011

We sent DS to daycare usually 4 days a week, sometimes dropping him off a little later than usual. Especially in those first few weeks, we were sleep-deprived and it really helped us adjust. Plus, I think it helps you bond with and take care of the new baby. It's hard to focus on two kids at once, quite frankly, and a lot of the time you're tied to the couch/house (especially if you're breastfeeding) with a newborn.

Plus, DS has a good time at daycare. He gets bored at home if it's just us and I wasn't always up to doing a lot to keep him entertained.

If you have to pay anyhow, why not just play it by ear and see how you feel? I had some days where I kept him home because I wanted to hang out with him more or we had something fun planned. Those days were usually followed by me sending him to daycare so I could rest!

duchess0727 · June 2011

Look at it this way - your maternity leave is the only one on one time your new LO will get with you. Your first LO had almost 2 years alone with you. This LO won't ever have that. I figured I owed my daughter that 11 weeks of alone time with me. I never regretted sending my son every day to school - he was bored on the days he was home because I couldn't devote my energy to him. I did pick him up early most days mostly because I didn't want to deal with traffic - but early was 4:30/5.

aforst · June 2011

The way our DC worked was that I got 8 weeks where we could pay 1/2 and send him the time equivalent to that, basically to hold his spot. I was off for about 14 weeks. What we decided to do, was send him full time for the first 4 weeks or so that I was home. I was BF DS2 (hadn't worked w/ DS1, so it was all new to me). I really enjoyed that time to bond with DS2, which I think is really important. Also, it allowed me to nap when DS2 napped, rather than worry about what DS1 was doing. I was so tired those first couple of weeks, I knew he would be better off at daycare. I also wanted him to keep some sort of routine.

After the first 4 weeks, he went to daycare on Tues & Thurs only. It was nice b/c I got time alone with DS2 at first, but then had some time with them both at home. I thought it was the perfect set up.

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha · June 2011

azuremama:
It's hard to focus on two kids at once, quite frankly, and a lot of the time you're tied to the couch/house (especially if you're breastfeeding) with a newborn.
(...)
If you have to pay anyhow, why not just play it by ear and see how you feel? I had some days where I kept him home because I wanted to hang out with him more or we had something fun planned. Those days were usually followed by me sending him to daycare so I could rest!

That first part is what worries me the most and why I am really leaning toward sending DD to daycare. I loved breastfeeding her, but those first few weeks were SO hard. If her little brother or sister is anything like her, I will spend half of my days nursing...

And I am definitely going to play it by ear, but having a plan helps me put my mind at ease

Thank you everyone for your input!

seaturtle19 · June 2011

yes i agree and planning to do the same of sending my DD to daycare everyday- it would really be hurting her to keep her home, she needs a schedule and consistancy. Plus i think she would get super jealous of my time focusing on the newborn and I WANT TO SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS!!!!!!

GL!

Bella427 · June 2011

I'm on maternity leave with a baby on my boob right now.

Instead of going full time, DD (3.5) is going to school 4 days a week, but only for 7 hours a day. So we have one day a week that's "Mommy, DD and DS day" for a fun out of the house activity and I pick her up at 4pm the other days and we try to do a little something fun just DD and I when we get home (baby is usually asleep in the carseat for a bit). I really like our set up. I'd go crazy with both of them here all day; it's still pretty hard for me to handle both of their needs simultaneously. DD is a little clingier and doesn't really like the fact that I'm at home instead of work but she's still at school. I just remind her of her fun activities at school and emphasize that we only do boring stuff while she's gone.

orange682 · June 2011

I'm planning on sending DD to preschool when I'm on maternity leave with the boys. I think she needs the stability and the attention I won't be able to give her because I'm busy caring for 2 newborns. She won't understand why I can't play with her.

I also think that she'd be more inclined to be a bit jealous if the attention I'd be giving the boys was kind of rubbed in her face 24-7.

CHS2005 · June 2011

I just went back to work with #2 and we dealt with this. You can definitely play it by ear - keeping her or not, but you also have flexibility within a day. Some days, we got #1 to DC for breakfast (they serve breakfast at 8:30) and some days, we got there more like 9, 9:30 or even 10. I also picked him up early some days and some day, later. The day care we use is very up front that they have a schedule and ask that the kids not come in mid-day, but I talked to them and said we would be there as soon as we could, and that getting out of the house with #2 would be an adjustment, and I would do my best. I loved the slow mornings with #1 and #2 - we made breakfast, played trains, and took our time, as opposed to rushing out the door. Same thing with pick up. I was usually there earlier than I would be working, but not always. Basically, think of day care as just at your convenience and enjoy your time!

law8296 · June 2011

I like the part-time DC advice, if that's an option for you. And as far as her routine being off; there's an inevitable shift that will take place with LO's arrival by default. Dropping her a little later and picking her up earlier at DC doesn't seem to be too much of something that would cause an issue; however, you know your child best.

As far as myself; if/when LO number two is conceived and arrives and I'm on maternity leave, I plan on AT LEAST having DS in daycare part-time.

Good luck and early congrats!

Topi-Jan · June 2011

Ditto everyone else...especially if you have to keep paying either way! We sent DS1 to DC and it was the best thing for all of us. It gave me time to spend one-on-one with the baby (and heal, breastfeed, nap, and all the other things that need to happen with a newborn) and kept DS1 in a familiar routine with activities and friends (without mommy's attention being suddenly gone).

In terms of reduced hours, we still sent him full day but just dropped off/picked up based on when things were convenient with the new baby's schedule (not napping, not hungry, etc).

Angela814 · June 2011

We switched DD1 to part time when DD2 was born. I think we did 5 half days. DH dropped her off on the way to work (7:45-8:00), and I picked her up just before lunch at 11:45 ish. We did that for about the month and a half before she started 4K, and then she was in school mornings only until I started back at work.

Maybride2 · June 2011

DS will certainly be going to daycare like normal while I'm on maternity leave this fall. I'd feel more guilty keeping him at home and letting him get bored and frustrated.

Your grandma did it out of necessity, not because it was better for her or her other kids. I know that my son will be much happier and benefit more if he stays on his regular schedule with school and his friends than sitting at home with an exhausted and recovering momma and needy newborn.

UsedToBeGoldie · June 2011

we kept DS1 in full time daycare while i was on maternity leave with the twins. Best money we spent - he was still on his schedule/routine- having fun and learning at school... and I got to spend the time at home with the twins that I gave DS1 during his first 4 months.... DS1 would have been bored out of his mind at home with me and the twins --- daycare was great for him.

If money is an issue i'd do whatever i could afford to keep him in and keep his spot for sure.... but for us- we planned ahead and saved so we COULD afford to keep sending him full time while i was not being paid.

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