Crib Frustration.. WWYD

SockMonkeySam · June 2011

So, this might get long and and I'm sorry. I also know I do not need a crib right now.

My dad has from the start said that he was going to make our cribs, nice gesture. This started with the twins, he bought some material, and than when our loss happened he spent the first 6 weeks after hounding us on how we would like a shadow box for the twins, when all we wanted to do is greieve. Over a year and change later still has not made this shadow box.

So now this pregnancy again he is gunhoe about making a crib. So my cousin called me 3 weeks ago telling me that babies r us was taking $500 cribs and selling them for $100. I call my mom and tell them that it might be cheaper than making one (cause I'm not holding my breathe) and my mom says she will talk it over w/ my dad and call me back. She calls back and says (sighing as she speaks) no he's determined to make your crib.

So Jay's parents offer to buy us a crib, and Jay had to let them know that my dad.. is still saying he is going to make our crib.

So Fathers day, my mom comes out and tells me that my dad said he might not get to make the crib, and that she wants to buy us one so to keep my eye out on ones we like.

So yesterday we went to Buy Buy baby and found a crib we love, for $250.

So I call my mom and tell her that I don't like she is going to pay for the whole thing would she like to go 1/2 on this crib. And she tells me.. your father went out and bought more stuff to make your crib.

At this point I am about to cry, cause I feel like i'm getting bounced back and forth and I just want a freaking crib for my child.

I had to explain to my mom that if she orders cribs online or thru the store they take a few weeks to come in and were running out of time. She was on the verge of tears saying I know I know... Than told me to buy it and keep it in the box just in case.

Jay's pissy cause he wants the new father experiece of building a crib, but if my dad build this (non exsistant) crib than he will be missing out on that step but I don't know how to explain it to my parents that yes a nice he wants to make one.. but were going to go another route..

WWYD....

smallfry5909 · June 2011

I think you need to do what makes you most comfortable. You know your dad (and it seems to me like he is being wishy-washy about the whole thing) that I personally wouldn't leave it up to chance.

I would go ahead and buy the dream crib that you want that's on sale (or let your mom donate the funds), and if down the road your dad ends up making one, you can leave it at his house or another relatives house for when you visit. This is your baby, and you don't have to take chances if you're not comfortable. I can only imagine the stress this is probably causing you, and I don't think it's worth it.

GL with whatever you decide.

allybaby85 · June 2011

What a mess. That definitely sounds frustrating. I would but the crib and let your DH build it. If your dad decides to actually build a crib then suggest your parents keep it at their house for when LO visits. If your dad gets upset he'll get over it. You and your DH and LO are more important. But that's just my 2 cents

jamilynn9 · June 2011

I would address this first with your dad. I had a similar situation where DH was working crazy hours and my dad knew how badly I wanted the nursery set up. He kept offering to do it and I had to remind him that DH wanted the experience of doing it himself being his first child. My dad totally understood and backed off.

I woud express DH's concerns with your dad and see if he would work together with DH (not sure if they are local though). This way DH is in on the process AND your dad has scheduled days to work on it to ensure it is completed on time.

I also would buy the crib and hold onto it just in case it doesn't work out. As your mom said, keep it in the box to return. This way you don't stress about it bc you don't need that.

tigers413 · June 2011

Your dad and my mom could be siblings LOL... With my mom I never believe it until I see it type of thing with her. I would do what you and Jay is most comfortable with. Jay is right about feeling of building a crib. I would tell your parents straight out. Maybe your dad can build something else? Like a bookcase or dresser or something that can go in the room?

bryanandkatrina · June 2011

Oy, I am so sorry you're dealing with that - it sounds extremely frustrating. Parents, although with good intentions, sometimes just stress us out more than they do help with the situation.

I would go a head and buy your dream crib (esp if it's on sale) and as your mom said, just leave it in the box for now. You can always return it should your dad actually come through with the crib he's promising. But if he doesn't, then at least you're covered and have a crib.

sessa717 · June 2011

wow, sounds like a very frustrating situation. I agree with the thought that you and DH should buy the crib of your dreams (especially if it's on a super sale!) and keep it boxed up with the receipt for awhile. If your dad finishes the crib and you actually like it, than you have the option of returning it or keeping one of the cribs at their house. hey, nice baby-sitting incentive right? Wink

hugs&hissyfits · June 2011

If your husband wants to build a crib and wants that experience then let him. There is no rule that says you can't have two cribs if you end up with more than one. Maybe one could stay at a grandparents house or somewhere that you will have your child be spending a lot of time. That is really sweet of your dad but I understand the frustration and feeling of running out of time especially since no one is guaranteed full term babies. How about compromising and some one making a cradle? Maybe that would soothe hurt feelings.

martinimomma · June 2011

smallfry5909:
I would go ahead and buy the dream crib that you want that's on sale (or let your mom donate the funds), and if down the road your dad ends up making one, you can leave it at his house or another relatives house for when you visit. This is your baby, and you don't have to take chances if you're not comfortable. I can only imagine the stress this is probably causing you, and I don't think it's worth it.

Totally this. You absolutely do not need this extra stress right now. ((Hugs))

D&D4Ever7 · June 2011

I am sorry you are going through all this frustration. If my dad this this, I would also have a difficult time because I am very close to him and would want him to feel like he is part of baby preparations. With that being said, he has been going back and forth and you need a crib. If it was me, I would sit down with him and let him know the urgency of this situation and tell him exactly how you feel. I think you should take the route of getting your own crib. Hugs

iggy.d · June 2011

smallfry5909:
I think you need to do what makes you most comfortable. You know your dad (and it seems to me like he is being wishy-washy about the whole thing) that I personally wouldn't leave it up to chance.
I would go ahead and buy the dream crib that you want that's on sale (or let your mom donate the funds), and if down the road your dad ends up making one, you can leave it at his house or another relatives house for when you visit. This is your baby, and you don't have to take chances if you're not comfortable. I can only imagine the stress this is probably causing you, and I don't think it's worth it.
GL with whatever you decide.

I completely agree with all of this. Your dad has already said yes, then no, then yes again, and it just isn't fair for you to be in this limbo. Buy the crib you want, let your parents know that if the crib is ever built it will be a wonderful place for LO when you visit their house, and leave it at that. If you mom wants to chip in $ for half the cost you paid, great, but I know that's not what matters to you. Good luck with this!

Karen1998 · June 2011

smallfry5909:
I think you need to do what makes you most comfortable. You know your dad (and it seems to me like he is being wishy-washy about the whole thing) that I personally wouldn't leave it up to chance.
I would go ahead and buy the dream crib that you want that's on sale (or let your mom donate the funds), and if down the road your dad ends up making one, you can leave it at his house or another relatives house for when you visit. This is your baby, and you don't have to take chances if you're not comfortable. I can only imagine the stress this is probably causing you, and I don't think it's worth it.
GL with whatever you decide.

I agree with this. If you want to continue to wait on him to build the crib, then give him a firm deadline. If he makes it by then, great. If not, tough luck dad, you're buying a crib.

Ernie52408 · June 2011

Could you ask your dad to make a cradle instead? Then you can have your dream crib and you dad can say he made something for Zachary. And if your dad doesn't make it in time you can always use a PNP as a back up.

BritanyV · June 2011

When I was pregnant with DS, my mom basically bought a second set of A LOT of things, including a crib, to keep at her house.

Buy the crib you want and if you wind up with 2 cribs, it's really not that big of a deal. You can keep one at your parent's house (or another family member) for visits.

My parents are currently talking about buying a whole room set for my ds to have at their house, though this I'll believe when I see because they've been talking about it for a while now. lol

SockMonkeySam · June 2011

Thanks guys for the answers.

I feel horrible being blunt with him, but I feel like i'm a ping pong ball also getting a yes, than a no, than a yes..

Jay's frustrated cause his parents have offered to buy us one that could have been at our house already. I'm going to buy the dream crib, let it sit ( 90day unopened return policy) and wait and if it's not built by 9/1/11 than to bad dream crib is being set up.

Again I appreciate all the answers.

Eris-Alexis · June 2011

allybaby85:
What a mess. That definitely sounds frustrating. I would but the crib and let your DH build it. If your dad decides to actually build a crib then suggest your parents keep it at their house for when LO visits. If your dad gets upset he'll get over it. You and your DH and LO are more important. But that's just my 2 cents

I agree with this, but if you think you could talk to your Dad and explain how you guys feel AND have him understand, I would try to do that as well. GL!

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