Community› The Bump Message Boards› Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
New Discussion

Now I just feel silly...

DancingWarriorUSMCDancingWarriorUSMC member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

My fiance made a comment to me last night that kinda hurt my feelings and makes me feel like a fool. He is in CO visiting his family right now and his sister and BIL grill him every time he is over about marrying me (he is "the rock" of the family and they just want to make sure he is making the right choice). They aparently brought up the m/c and asked him if I could handle going through another one if it were to happen. He asked me, "Are you going to do this for every m/c? What if we have six of them?" He is refuring to a charm I had made for the two of us to wear that say "Kaden" on them.

This makes me feel silly for wearing my charm. Part of me wants to take it off my necklace now, but the other part of me feels heartbroken for even thinking about it. It also makes me not want to do the other things I was thinking of doing for Kaden like releasing a balloon on his/her EDD or tying a charm to my bouquet in the wedding he would have been a part of or even just holding a ceremonial burning for things like the journal I was keeping of my pregnancy with him/her.

I told my fiance that if he doesn't want to wear his charm that he doesn't have to, but he says he does.

I just feel kinda ridiculous and stupid right now.

BFP 1: 3/25/11 -- m/c: 4/21/11 @ 9w 2d

imageimage

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Daisypath Wedding tickers PitaPata Dog tickers

Semper Fi! - A proud female Marine

Report Reply to Post

Re: Now I just feel silly...

  • jjunnejjunne member
    I am so sorry for what you are going through.  DH and I had a long talk yesterday about how it feels different for him...he is grieving differently than I am and overall I am taking it much harder. He said he thought it was harder for the woman because we felt the baby from inside...Your charm idea sounds like a lovely way to honor Kaden, please don't stop wearing it, it is not silly at all. Maybe your fiance is just grieving differently than you are, you grieve in the ways that will help YOU heal. I think the charm on the bouquet is another very nice idea. good luck to you!
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • sweepie412sweepie412

    oh honey, you have nothing to feel silly about! Honoring the memory of your baby is what feels right to you, you should absolutely do it. My guess is that no one in his family has had a loss? Obviously I could be completely wrong but it sounds like they made him feel silly and he passed those feelings on to you. No one can tell you how to feel about your loss, just feel the way you feel and ignore anyone who "doesn't get it". It was insensitive of him to question how you are going to react to a future loss (heaven forbid) but it sounds to me like he let his family get in his head...remind him who is in his heart. (((huge hugs))) 

     

    Married my best friend 6/28/08
    DD born 4/3/10 BFP 4/9/11 missed mc @10w4d- forever loved
    BFP 8/21/11 EDD 4/29/12
    imageimageimage Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • DancingWarriorUSMCDancingWarriorUSMC member
    imagesweepie412:

    oh honey, you have nothing to feel silly about! Honoring the memory of your baby is what feels right to you, you should absolutely do it. My guess is that no one in his family has had a loss? Obviously I could be completely wrong but it sounds like they made him feel silly and he passed those feelings on to you. No one can tell you how to feel about your loss, just feel the way you feel and ignore anyone who "doesn't get it". It was insensitive of him to question how you are going to react to a future loss (heaven forbid) but it sounds to me like he let his family get in his head...remind him who is in his heart. (((huge hugs))) 

     

    The funny thing is that his sister has gone through three losses and suffers depression because of it. It makes me so angry. I thought my future SIL was on my side, now I fell like she is against me. I know that she isn't, she's just concerned, but still.

    BFP 1: 3/25/11 -- m/c: 4/21/11 @ 9w 2d

    imageimage

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Daisypath Wedding tickers PitaPata Dog tickers

    Semper Fi! - A proud female Marine

    Report Reply
  • sweepie412sweepie412
    imageDancingWarriorUSMC:
    imagesweepie412:

    oh honey, you have nothing to feel silly about! Honoring the memory of your baby is what feels right to you, you should absolutely do it. My guess is that no one in his family has had a loss? Obviously I could be completely wrong but it sounds like they made him feel silly and he passed those feelings on to you. No one can tell you how to feel about your loss, just feel the way you feel and ignore anyone who "doesn't get it". It was insensitive of him to question how you are going to react to a future loss (heaven forbid) but it sounds to me like he let his family get in his head...remind him who is in his heart. (((huge hugs))) 

     

    The funny thing is that his sister has gone through three losses and suffers depression because of it. It makes me so angry. I thought my future SIL was on my side, now I fell like she is against me. I know that she isn't, she's just concerned, but still.

     

    That is really frustrating, you would think having been there she would know better than to comment on how anyone else deals with a loss. I am sorry she is not more supportive!  

    Married my best friend 6/28/08
    DD born 4/3/10 BFP 4/9/11 missed mc @10w4d- forever loved
    BFP 8/21/11 EDD 4/29/12
    imageimageimage Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"