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October 2011 Moms
mandi12
member
baby shower vent
mandi12
member
my sister and my mom decided a week ago that they wanted to plan the shower for july 17 so my other sis from out of town could make it. as much as i would love for her to be able to come i know thats by the time ppl got their invitations the shower would be 2 wks away. in my opinion that wasnt NEARLY enough notice for the guests. plus my MIL was supposed to be part of the planning and they basically cut her out with their plan. my sister called my MIL every day for about 3 days and sent her messages asking over and over if that date worked for her. while sending me texts saying "if she doesnt like the date we can just have 2 showers" and "im gonna send out invitations, she can do her own" im assuming my MIL was trying to think of a way to politely say that wasnt enough notice. but after being hassled for a few days she finally agreed to the date. she told my sis that she really didnt have many ppl to invite so she would probably just host a meet n greet after the baby comes. my MIL was VERY excited to start planning and now shes backing down completely?? sounds to me like shes intimidated! she basically had 24 hrs now to come up with a guest list and addresses so my sis could send out the invitations SHE designed for the date SHE picked out.
i was so embarrassed after all this b/c i was the one who insisted they work together and have one shower. i was thinking everyone could get to know each other better.
i told my mom and sis that while i appreciate the thought i decided their date was unfair to everyone invited and more importantly to my MIL. they both got pissed and my sister told me to plan the shower myself since i didnt like her plan. needless to say i decided to scrap the entire idea of having a shower b/c i think its horrible to make my MIL work with them! and its more drama than any of us need now. especially me. i dont want to put LO thru that kind of stress. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: baby shower vent
Where I can see you point about it being frustrating and stressful, I can see why MIL backed out of hosting. It is no fun to be hosting with other people and then have those others all of a sudden make a big decision (like the date) and then expect the other people to just jump on the bandwagon right after getting the news of the date, and then on top of it, rush to get everything (list/addresses) together to give to the other host. Maybe what your MIL did was see that all of a sudden everything was being decided around one person coming into town, making her feel stressed and rushed for not enough of a good reason, and she backed out because she may have figured that the rest of the planning was going to be able to same way.....your mom and sister making the decisions and then bugging her about an answer....she may feel like it is 2 against 1 and no matter what she says, your sister and mom wont agree or will just do what they want.
There is nothing wrong with having two showers. And your MIL (at this point) may just want to do her own thing so she can make the decisions and not have to feel like she is being hounded by two people who are now rushing.
I would just do the showers and enjoy them. Frankly I would not plan a shower date around one guest (only because I think that is ridiculous)....but to each their own. It seems like your sister and mom are already making the decisions when it came to having one shower, so I probably would have done the same thing as MIL......
That is really not fair of them. I'm sorry that they are being jerks, maybe they will soon see that this is NOT about them!
I planned and hosted a small shower for my friends second baby. Nobody else had offered to do one and I was very happy to take on the cost and work. Her mom kinda tried the same thing and responded to an email that I sent to her about which of 2 dates would work best for her, by saying "neither because Rachel's little sister won't be able to make those dates." Um, well, that's all that I had available since this was a last minute thing. So that's what I said and neither her mom nor her sister came. Whatever.
Sorry to hear about it being so complicated. It's understandable that they want your other sister to be there, but it's not fair to guests- especially during busy summer months- do only give 2 weeks notice of a shower. They will likely spend a lot of time and money planning, only to have a lot of declines... which stinks for them AND you, as the guest of honor.
Give it a few days to cool off and see if they come around. If not, you can host your own meet the baby get together after LO arrives, where gifts are not expected but are almost always given by guests.
Your MIL ignored your sister for 3 days so she went with a date that was convenient for her. I don't see how a couple weeks isn't enough notice, if you send the invitations too far out people don't RSVP or forget about it.
ETA: If your sister contacted her a week ago she could have had the invitations mailed and out to people by early next week at the latest, which is 3 weeks notice. How far in advance would you like them to be sent?