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mmarsac
member
Judging- Tell me what you think
mmarsac
member
I saw a family speak today for a food pantry. The kids were talking about how much the pantry helped them, and it was all very touching. Then, the mom started talking. Her husband had been on disability since right after the birth of their first child. They then had two more kids. The mom is currently pregnant with her fourth baby, and right after she found out about the fourth pregnancy she lost her job. She was talking about how welfare and food stamps don't go far enough, and how the pantry helped her feed her children.
Here's my thing with this: Aren't 3 hungry kids enough?! They were sweet, smart kids, and they are going through this. It's not their fault their parents can't make ends meet. Now she's bringing a fourth child into the world. I am very sad for what is obviously a painful situation for her family, but I couldn't help resenting the fact that she is bringing another child into this situation. What do you think?
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Re: Judging- Tell me what you think
ITA but you have to consider that perhaps they are devout Catholics (or some other religion) who don't believe in birth control and their faith is so strong, they may not see anything wrong with what they are doing.
But that doesn't mean we can't see something wrong with it
There is always abstinence...
I feel the same. Family planning isn't difficult in this day and age. It isn't even cost prohibitive, if you qualify for assistance. Certainly it costs a lot less to prevent a pregnancy than to care for a baby.
As far as religion being a factor, I respect religious tenets in general, but I don't care to foot the bill for the consequences of them. Not that I'm suggesting little babies be penalized for their parent's beliefs, but I admit it's irritating.
True, true. I am agnostic and we got the snip after two... lol. This was just my feeble attempt at playing devil's advocate.
Some people are just really ignorant. Blame a faulty educational system....?
I get the impression it's not like it was planned pregnancy and certainly was part of the plan to lose her job. Sometimes, these things happen. My sister got pregnant while preventing twice. It happens.
True. I can't count the number of times someone has told me they got pregnant while on the pill. Internally, I usually roll my eyes, but there may be some real validity to it.
Honest question - how are you getting that from OP's post? Wishful thinking that SURELY it wasn't on purpose? or did she say something that I am missing?
You're right, it does happen. But I don't think it happens very often if you're being careful. (Not meaning about your sister.) And you're right that no one plans to get laid off, and obviously I don't know this particular woman's story. It's just that there are SO many babies born into the welfare system, and looking at the statistical effectiveness of birth control, they couldn't all possibly be method failures.
I really have no place b!tching about it. I vote to fund these programs and I'll continue voting to fund them as long as I have breath because I believe these kids need all the help we can give them. But it's discouraging sometimes to feel that the parents benefiting from them aren't always doing what they can to take control of their lives and better their situations, instead of making them worse.
That just sounds like a very, very sad situation.
It makes me angry when people are irresponsible and negligent. It's like they don't realize they're in charge of their own lives and the lives of their children. Perhaps it is a mistaken assumption to think they were being negligent but if that is the case, it's just a shame.
You make valid points.
I know this is a VERY unpopular opinion but I don't agree with this. It's one thing to pay taxes to feed children you never have to be responsible for. It's another to have to take care of not only disabled person but also their children, in real life.
I will one day have to care for not only my disabled sister but now also her severely mentally-disabled child. Call me a horrible person but I'm not happy about the fact that his conception wasn't prevented.
*runs and hides from the impending flames*
I sort of agree with you too, however this is sort of the slippery slope of allowing government to take care of us. Now we are all up in each other's business, judging one another, because we all have to pay for it. Kinda crappy in my opinion. If I wasn't paying for all the babies, etc I wouldn't care how many they had. Not that I wouldn't have an opinion, but it wouldn't affect me. But when people get public assistance, all of a sudden the dynamic is changed, and not for the better, in my opinion. Also not saying there isn't a need for some public assistance, just pointing out how it can all get messy very quickly.
I agree. There aren't really any good answers. Ultimately we have to prevent what we can, without infringing on people's rights but have to take care of each other, whether we like it or not. You can't force someone to make intelligent decisions, whether they're of normal intelligence or not and we're certainly not going to let anyone starve so it's kind of one of those facts of life.
I think it depends on the disability. I don't think someone who's disability keeps them from being able to care for a child is fair to bring a child into this world especially if they don't have a spouse to help make up for the parts of child raising they can't do. My MIL is blind and she was still able to take care of her children. She didn't get very sick until DH was almost an adult. But it is nearly impossible to find a job when you are blind. There are some call centers that hire blind people, but there are a lot more applicants than positions. If you are blind, you can't even get a job at a fast food restaurant or a Walmart greeter.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
So, she lost her job after she was pregnant. I consider that to be in the shiit happens category and don't judge a bit for that.
But, wasn't she using govt programs and the food shelter before that?
ITA.
She didn't say, but it sounded like it. She and her kids had been on and off of gov. programs throughout her kids' lives.
Like laney said, slippery slope. I get the sentiment behind what you're saying, but you can't limit reproductive freedom in America and still call it America, if you know what I mean. Well, obviously Roe v. Wade is always up for debate, but nothing says "unalienable right" like the right to have a baby. (My DH and I have this argument a lot.)
This type of situation makes me really angry. Of course everyone should have the right to have children, IF they can care for them and IF they can provide for them. My H and I are having a small family so that we can give our children the things they need. Why should I have to be responsible for paying for someone else's family, just because they feel like they should be able to have as many kids as they want and that mythical *someone* will pay for them all?
I'm not against welfare programs. Sometimes things happen to people and they need a hand to get back up. I have no problem with that at all. But to keep getting pregnant when you know you can't support the family you have infuriates me. I'm from a small town where so many people work the system. One woman divorced her husband (they're still a couple and still live together) so that she can get welfare for their 5! kids and she doesn't have to claim the very decent money he makes as a mechanic.
I know there is no real solution. I wouldn't want the babies to have to go without. I just don't understand the mentality some people have. Welfare money doesn't magically materialize. If you're taking assistance you don't need, you're stealing from your neighbors. And if you keep making decisions to increase the assistance you require, you're stealing from your neighbors. Ok, rant over.
I find the idea of deciding who should and shouldn't have children repulsive.
My cousin is also mentally handicapped and got pregnant. We don't even know who the father is. Family stepped in and are caring for her son (he's now 7), who is beautiful, intelligent and has every right to exist despite his 'inconvenient' conception.
Like I said, I'm a horrible person. I do think it's different when you are the one who is directly responsible for the care of both people.