Depression During Pregnancy and Emotional Support

I wasn't sure which board would be appropriate for my post but since it's related to depression, I thought maybe I could post it here. I apologize if it was inappropriate. 

I am currently 16 week pregnant. My due date is Dec. 8th. I was living in Oregon with my boyfriend when I found out I was pregnant. I was an international student so the only way to for me stay in the States with my boyfriend and have the baby there was for us to get married. We talked about it but he said he couldn't marry me right now. So I came back to Japan (2 weeks ago). Before I left, we made our future plans together: I work in Japan as long as I can and have the baby there, and he will join the Army so he can financially support me and the baby, and will come visit me and the baby on Christmas. After the baby's born, I apply for a fiance visa and once it's approved, I go back to the States with the baby to get married and live with him. I have almost 6 months until the baby's arrival and another 5 months or so until the visa will be approved. Right now, he is waiting to go see a recruiter back home (he moved back home after I left) and looking into the MEPS, meaning he still has time until he goes to boot and be stationed afterwards.

I thought it was the best thing we could do at that point and considering our future with the baby, my boyfriend joining the Army would give us the most stable life and future as far as the finance goes.

We talked about him coming to Japan to live with me at my parents' instead of joining the Army so we can stay together throughout my pregnancy and he can be there when the baby is born and after. But in order for him to work, he would have to marry me here in Japan, plus he doesn't have a college degree yet (he is a junior) and has very limited Japanese knowledge so it's not like he can't get a job but it would be hard for him to get a job. His biggest fear, he says, is to be poor. This fear is so big that he says he can't come be with me and the baby to Japan. Yes, it is understandable.

But the thing is, he has always been the only one who was giving me emotional support as well as others support but now that we are apart, I do not get any emotional support from anyone. There is no one I can talk to here including my parents. My parents and I don't have the kind of relationship that I can tell them everything especially something to do with emotions and feelings. I do tell my boyfriend how I feel and how I've been emotionally and physically. He tries to cheer me up by telling me to stay strong for our future and says he understands but I don't think he does.

I have been extremely depressed and cannot stop thinking about ending my life as well as the baby's (yes, it is very selfish, I know...). No matter what I am doing or where I am, thoughts of him does not leave my mind. Even when I am with/around people, I feel really lonely and I start panicking cause the feeling of loneliness gives pressure on my chest and it makes me hard to breathe. I am terrified and scared, and it kills me to even think that the only person who could give me emotional support is with other people possibly smiling and laughing when I am dying inside. He is a strong person and can easily do long distance unlike me.

I cry everyday, can't sleep, haven't been able to eat much and have already lost over 6 pounds in the past 4 days. This is no way that it's healthy for the baby... Every night, I put my hand on my tummy, cry, and apologize to the baby. If I am already being like this, could I raise this baby on my own until I go back to the States?

I thought I could stay strong. I thought I could make it though the rest of my pregnancy without him just fine. But it is so hard... I'm ashamed to say I need him here with me, supporting me emotionally. You might say I just need to stay strong and make it though this for the baby and his/her future, but how...? I can't really express my feelings well but I am more severely depressed and extremely lonely than I can express with words. I don't want to think about ending my and the baby's life but I can't help it. Now, what do I do?

Please don't be too harsh on me... and I thank you in advance for your advice.