- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Hawaii Babies
redshoegirl
member
need advice - anyone's DH travel a lot?
redshoegirl
member
So Ben is leaving for his new job in - eek! - 2 days. He'll be home on the weekends (drive here Friday evening, leave Sunday late afternoon/evening), but will be away the rest of the week. Since we'll be doing this for about 2 months, I'm mentally gearing up to do the single parent thing.
I've done it for a few nights before and we've all survived, but even though I'm still positive this is the right move for us, I have to admit I'm a bit intimidated by the prospect of the next couple of months of mostly solo parenting.
If your H travels a lot - or if he doesn't but you work full time and still do most (if not all) of the caring for your LO - do you have any advice or strategies?
So far my plans include:
* showering at night so I can save time in the morning (this has worked well in the past, and I don't mind it)
* buying waterproof books to help entertain the boys during the chaos of bath time, as it's very tricky to get them both dried and dressed without them tearing the place down around your ears (the bathroom is more entertaining than their bath toys - I'm hoping books will prove more seductive lol!)
* laying out all of our clothes the night before to save dressing time the next day (I already do this with their stuff, it won't be hard to do with mine as well)
* using the hell out of my slow cooker while I'm at work during the day so I don't have too much dinner prep to do.
I'm trying to figure out how to handle getting them into daycare, since I don't want to have to leave one in the car while I carry the other in...they're pretty steady on their feet these days so I guess we can all walk in together as long as I go slowly and hold hands?
Any other ideas for streamlining things or managing time? Little tips or tricks that help you?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: need advice - anyone's DH travel a lot?
Could you bring them in together (one holding each hand) and then once they are in daycare with the teachers, you run back to the car to get any of their bags or gear they need for the day? That way no one is left alone & you aren't forced to carry everything all at once.
I don't really have a lot of suggestions other than can the in-laws help? I am sure they are going to want as much time with the boys as possible before the move & as much as being with them all of the time is probably not the most exciting idea, they could help lessen the load.
MH husband has worked OOT almost every week since Elyse was born. Which is why we're moving at the end of the summer.
Russ often only works Tuesday - late Thursday, but sometimes it is all week.
Things I did to make life easier are:
- Making larger meals so that I can have leftovers for lunches or dinners the next day. If I was making a lasagna or something that would freeze I split it in half and freeze half so that I have a meal for sometime down the road.
- Having easy peasy meals like that roast chicken from the grocery store deli and steamed veggies. Sometimes we had peanut butter sandwiches if I was exhausted.
- When I was working Elyse's daycare made her lunch and snacks. That was lifesaver for the mornings.
- Doing laundry as I accumulated enough for a load. Doing one load every other evening made it less of a chore and I just had to do Russ' when he got home. (I do the laundry at our house)
- Like you said, laying out our clothes the night before and making sure it was ironed and ready to go.
Obviously I only have one, so I have no suggestions about how to be a single mama for two. I'm dreading the learning curve of having two under two.
One thing that I've had to really work hard at is sending Russ texts, pictures and videos when Elyse did something for the first time. It was SO hard for him to not be here for those things. He saves everything I send him on the iPad and shows it off to his colleages up there. He's turned into one of "those" dads
I've also had to work hard at not being bitter that I'm doing it all by myself. We made the decision together that Russ would take the position OOT for his career and our future (now I can be a SAHM). Maybe it's because we're so close being done with being apart, or maybe it's because Elyse is getting TWO two year molars and a front bottom tooth, but I'm having a VERY hard time with doing it all by myself this week. So if you need to vent, or commiserate just let me know!! Sometimes it's really hard and sometimes I cherish our mommy and me time!
Not sure if you rent or own, but we're currently selling our house so there are showings and open houses several times a week. I've started kind of following the fly lady cleaning routine to help me keep the house clean. I actually LOVE waking up to a clean house every morning so I'm probably going to keep up with her cleaning plan!
Good luck! You can do it!
Married Bio
You go mama! You can do it! DH and I are only together, at home, about 45 minutes/day...except on weekends, so he or I are basically "on our own" unless my mom is around (she's been gone for the past month).
- Bathtime - can you let them have "naked" time so you don't have to dress one before the other one is out/dried off? Also, I've found Libby is easier to get out of the bathtub if I pull the drain and let her "help" the water go down the drain. That said, she's not afraid of the drain. Then, the tub is empty and I can get her out with less fuss and without getting wet! I dry her off and we brush her hair and teeth and then I let her run around naked for about 15 minutes. Maybe your guys will like this too (if it's not too cold this time of year there).
- Meals - Can you make some meals for the freezer that you can just pop in the oven when you get home? Crock pot is a great idea too! Sometimes, I'll whip up "breakfast" for dinner, which Libby loves and it's quick and easy.
- Getting the guys into daycare...can you hold hands with each one and walk them in. Or hold hands with one walking and carry the other? Or maybe link up with one of the other parents and see if they can help you. If I saw a mama with twin toddlers, I'd lend a hand!
- What about grocery shopping? Can you get it done after work, before you pick the boys up? Or are you able to take them with you and get it done?
Will you ILs be around during the week to lend you a hand? Or friends? If people offer, be sure to say yes! You go girl! I get stressed just dealing with one toddler, four dogs and a cat on my own sometimes!
TTC/PG Blog | Mommy Blog
I was thinking about you getting into daycare. Is there more than one daycare person? If there is, could one come out and help you when you pull up?
And to follow up on Lori's post. Elyse LOVES nakey time. I put her baby towel with a hoody on her and she runs around like it's a cape. It's frigon hilarious! We have mostly hardwood so messes are pretty easy to clean up
Married Bio
i agree w/all the great advice already given
for daycare i think the easiest thing is to have someone from there help you but if not i suppose you could always put them in the stroller? but not sure what is faster...strapping them in/out of the stroller or just walking slowly in w/them? my problem is that miss A will walk part way and then stop and ask to be carried! not sure how the boys are
I do most of my cooking at night after she is in bed and i cook up a batch that is big enough that i can eat leftovers for about 3 days, that way i only end up cooking about twice a week. the slow cooker is a great idea, too, of course. when I don't get around to cooking I really don't mind quick/easy "meals" like PB&J, cereal & milk, turkey sandwich, etc. we do a lot of the former two in this household!
so don't feel
like you have to cook if you are too busy!
like Elyse, Miss A loves to run around w/her hooded towel on her head while she is naked after bath time so maybe the boys will like it too
that'll allow you to dress one boy while the other is "entertained"
if she is content in her crib in the AM (which she usually is now) I will get completely ready myself (I, too, shower at night but I'm talking about brushing teeth, getting dressed, etc) before going to her room to get her. much faster/easier to get ready w/o trying to supervise a toddler!
I also try to do little things while she is occupied with a particular food at dinner. often i have to be right there to hand her more but if there is something she is really interested in then I leave her to eat at the table while I walk into the kitchen and wash a few dishes or do some meal prep for whatever I'll be cooking after she goes to bed. (I can still see her and i'm only a few steps away)
I try to get her to help me w/laundry now (there is only so much time to get stuff done at night after she goes to bed!)....she helps me load the dirty clothes in the washer and also helps me transfer the wet clothes to the dryer. she loves it and it allows me to get something done b/c if I don't involve her then she gets mad and wants to be picked up. not sure if the boys are really old enough to do something like that? but I am sure they could be distracted with a pile of clothes while you get another load in the washer/dryer
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
good luck. I don't travel a lot but I know DH has learned a few tricks for when I'm gone (and he also gets LO ready by himself more than 1/2 the time).
He wanted a pack n play in both our BR. J generally sits there while DH showers in the morning and can watch him shave etc. We also have one off and on in the kitchen/dining room. He use to be able to play in the kid safe area, but now he runs off or still finds the one dangerous thing like climbing on a chair. If all else fails there is a TV w/in view of that PnP, but usually he's happy as long as he is engaged.
I think bath time is part of your every night routine? Would it be possible to cut back to only when needed or alternating nights? That saves a ton of time at our house when I don't give J a bath or shower. I like the idea of leaving them in there while the water drains. I do that sometimes and J gets kind of cold so he doesn't try to be rambunctious, he just anxiously awaits the towel.
For meal time, I like the idea of slow cooker. Try to be as easy on yourself as possible, try to cook things that can be used for multiple days or frozen during the weekend.
Thanks everyone for your encouragement and advice! I'm really excited about the changes we're making in our life, but pretty nervous about how the next couple of months will go.
I don't know on the hand holding, but I'll give it a try. We don't have far to walk - I can usually get a parking space right in front of the entrance - so I'm hoping they'll be manageable for that distance!
We arrive right in the middle of their morning rush, so I'm not sure about getting someone to give me a hand. I probably could, but I'd still have to leave the boys in the car, then duck in to grab someone, and I'm not keen on that idea (even if it was just for a minute and the doors were locked).
I might be able to get Ben's parents to help, BUT they already watch the boys three days a week and often have doctor appointments for his father on the other two days, so I'm a bit loathe to ask them unless it's absolutely necessary.
HulaLove, those are all great tips, thank you! We do the cook-for-more-than-one-night thing too, so I figure I'll only need to cook 2-3 times a week while Ben is away. And you made a really good point about sending photos, etc - I hadn't thought of that! We own this house and will rent one in the town we're moving to - we'll rent this one out for a while (might sell it after a year or two - we'll see). There are a few things I need to do to get it ready to rent - like replace a window screen - but thankfully not much.
Lori, funny you mention naked time because I was thinking about doing that! As far as grocery shopping goes, we'll just go when Ben is home on the weekend - my MIL has told me that if I realize we need something midweek and I'm home alone at night with the boys, to give her a call and she'll get it for me.
Jaime, I go back and forth on the stroller thing. Since we can park right next to the door, it would be faster to walk in...but more secure in a stroller, since I can strap one in before getting the other out of the car (don't have to worry about him suddenly running off). I'm right there with you on getting ready first in the morning - my dudes are usually very cheerful in the morning (they just talk and laugh with each other) and it only takes me about 10-15 min to get ready since I wear minimal makeup and am lazy with my hair lol...so in the past I've just left them there until I'm ready.
MauiWedding, I wish I could cut back bath time, but I don't think it's possible - they get pretty grubby during the day lol!
MH doesn't travel, but he does work 12-hour (or more) shifts, so is often gone before we leave in the morning, and not back until Henry is in bed.
I agree with making big meals and eating it for several nights. However, I'm a big leftover fan, and I know not everyone is. I also lay out all of Henry's clothes for the whole week on Sunday. Then I just grab a set of clothes in the morning when I'm rushed, and it's easy-peasy!