Emotional rollercoaster (long)

I've been suffering with PPD for some time now. I recognized it about 4 months after my DS was born. I have good days but lately I've just had so much anxiety, sadness and anger I just don't know what to make of it. This is a hard month for me too....11 years since my dad has passed so I don't know if that has something to do with it.

The other day I was freaked out with myself. My girls were fighting and I was giving all 3 kids a bath. My dh is out of town a lot so it is just me being a full time parent to our children. I got the girls out of the tub when they started fighting. I still had to wash my son up real quick when I had this strange sensation come over me that I could "see' myself putting him down in the water. It scared me so much that I hurried up and took him out of the bathtub. I have been seeing a therapist and have been taking meds for a little bit but my primary just upped my prozac by 20 mg about a month ago. I feel like such a horrible person for having this thought even cross my mind. I told my therapist right away because logically I know that this isn't normal. I just don't know what else to do.

The precurser to that incident was I was talking to my dh about wanting to take a trip back home with the kids. I told him I would use my own $$$ from my savings to purchase tickets/car rental for the kids and I. He was not exactly thrilled, and I didn't feel like I got any support. He rather us save the money incase something unexpected comes up. We bought a home in the last year and pretty much used our savings to put a down payment, so he wants us to repay ourselves before we take any sort of vacation. Just the response I got from him left me feeling so deflated. I don't know how to make him understand why I have this need to go home and visit my family and stay where I was happiest when I was a child growing up. I'm at a complete loss here and wish this depression monster would just go away.