Doubting my ability to do this

Hbowers16 · June 2011

I don't think I have ever posted on this board, mostly just lurked every once in awhile. Its my goal to have a natural birth, but now that my body is starting to show signs of labor I have become completely intimidated by the thought of pain. What mainly started this was an internal I had done at 39 wks. The pressure for just that was crazy, almost enough to not do it again. I wasn't going to have internals done, but when I walked into the room they had the gown laid out for me and my curiosity got the best of me. Also I have a MW who I was discussing natural birth with, I see all 3 my office provides, just to get to know them. Well this certain midwife recommended an epi. I was So shocked and discouraged by this. She said natural childbirth takes a lot of preparation. The only thing I have been doing up until this point is exercising and trying to breathe. I will be honest though during the internal I kept forgetting to breathe. Any suggestions? Motivation??

haleymay18 · June 2011

Don't think of it as pain, think of it as hard work. Your body has a lot of hard work to do to get that baby out but you can do it!! Also, do you have a doula or good labor support? They were crucial with keeping me in good spirits throughout my 45 hour labor.

sschwege · June 2011

Ignore your MW's comment, a patient connected to the bed and numb from the waist down is an "easy" patient!

Contractions are different than anything else I have ever felt. It's not the same as stubbing your toe, getting a paper cut, getting burned, etc. Those things cause actual pain and for good reason! Contractions to me felt like a wave coming over me which would increase in intensity until it peaked, then come down and totally disappear. Labor while challenging has a very natural feel to it, it's what our bodies were made to do. Just go into it with an open mind.

Take it one contraction at a time, and worry about the next one when it comes. When you feel one coming relax your whole body. Start with your face and jaw and work your way down to your pelvic floor and all the way down to your toes. A lot of the 'pain' women feel comes from tensing up, if you can stand back and allow your body to do its thing you will be far more comfortable and your body will work more efficiently. Concentrate on slowing your breathing and if it helps vocalize (hum/moan) as your are breathing out. You and your partner should also look into natural forms of pain relief. A hot bath/shower, tennis balls on your back, a warm rice sock, bouncing/swirling on an exercise ball, different positions, etc. This will all help.

I know you don't have much time left, but if you could read any of "Ina's May Guide to Childbirth" it has a lot of inspirational birth stores in it.

When I was in labor I thought of all the women I knew who had had med-free births (I called them my inspirational people), and all of the of women around the world who were laboring with me right at that moment. Women have been doing this for thousands of years and you can too!

Whatever happens know that your baby is coming into loving arms and you are giving your baby a beautiful birth. Best of luck to you on this wonderful journey.

monkeyqueen · June 2011

All that I did to prepare my body was exercising and focusing on controlled breathing. I read What to Expect When Expecting and tried very hard to relax about the whole idea. That`s it.

eta: Make sure to tell your coach to remind you to breathe! During your internal, no one was there `coaching` you through and reminding you.......it will not be the same with childbirth, as long as your coach is actively helping you through it! Take it as it comes and good luck!

ridesbuttons · June 2011

Natural childbirth does not take a lot of preparation. Hogwash. That majority of women in the world give birth without pain meds, you can too.

Trust yourself. Labour/delivery is a pretty short event in the grand scheme of a pregnancy, a blip when it comes to the spectre of parenting. It starts, you're in the midst of it and then...whoosh!...it's over.

You can do this.

Sharon21 · June 2011

You can totally do this! I hated internal exams and didn't do any special preparation and had two med-free births. I mainly focused on breathing and staying relaxed so I wasn't fighting what my body needed to do. And I didn't need to read a book or take any special classes to know how to do that.

And FWIW I wasn't very good at breathing through internal exams either. They are a different kind of pain. Also you can ask to not have them even during labor. I only had three while I was in labor one when I came in, one when my contractions started to slow, and another when I was fully dialated. And I could of had less than that if I had wanted. Good Luck!

novilise · June 2011

"And FWIW I wasn't very good at breathing through internal exams either. They are a different kind of pain. Also you can ask to not have them even during labor. "

Sharon, thanks for mentioning that. Internal exams hurt so much; I don't know why. I ended up with a c-section because of baby being stuck in my pelvis, but with a potential VBAC coming up, it is nice to hear that the pain is different!

Hbowers16 · June 2011

Thanks so much! MH is my labor coach. He's seen videos of things he can do to help me. He is also making me a playlist of really mellow calming music to have on my ipod. I will tell him to remind me to breathe. I plan on using the exercise ball and staying somewhat as active as I can, they offer a jacuzzi tub and back rubs and all. I wish we has a birth center in our area, but we do not. All of my sister's have had c/s and so I don't know anyone who has done natural birth. But I know I can. Oh and also thanks for the advice to think of it as work, that will really help me. Thanks again!

pinksweetpea2 · June 2011

There is nothing natural about someone putting their fingers up there and messing around- of course it hurt!

Your body is designed to do this. Just do your best to surround yourself with support and you will be fine.

And ignore that MW. She is obviously a MEDWIVE- and has obviously forgotten the model of care she committed herself to when she became a MW. Shame on her.

Texas77again · June 2011

just try to do your best during labor, it's all you can do. get a doula. read everything you can about labor and delivery. what matters is that you get to make the choices that you want.

StacieJane · June 2011

I know how you feel! About a week before my due date, I was woken up in the middle of the night by the WORST Charlie Horse of all time. I couldn't breathe, I was screaming and groaning and crying. Afterwards, I had a real fear that if I couldn't get through that, I couldn't do a natural birth.

But the thing is, there is a difference in the two pains. Your body feels the calf pain and recognizes, "This is wrong! This isn't supposed to be happening! Fix it!" Whereas in birth, your body knows, "Okay, I was built for this. Release these hormones now. Contract uterus now," etc. The real problems and pain come from fighting what your body is trying to do: tensing up when your uterus is trying to contract makes your uterus need to contract harder, making it more uncomfortable for you, and round and round it goes!

Hopefully you have a really supportive birth partner, who will remind you to conciously relax and not fight your body. Those are the most important things to hear, every 30 seconds, during labor.

You can do it! There is nothing you can compare to a natural birth ... you won't know how you'll react until you're in it. Don't let a little discomfort scare you off!

KateLouise · June 2011

You can totally do this.

I like the pp comments about it being hard work that you have to go through.

I only had an exam during labour. My midwife timed it do she was doing it during a contraction. I couldn't feel what she was doing at all, the discomfit came form having to lie still on my back through a contraction, but nothing unbearable,

I didn't do anything special to prepare. I read a book on labour and yoga, and half heartedly did some exercises three times.

I think a lot of it is mindset, although having said that I was open to whatever happened on the day.

Good luck.

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