Ahhhh mommy guilt.

epphd · June 2011

I'm a pretty laid back person, as far as parenting pressures go. I have some strong opinions about what works for our family, but have also been willing to change my mind, given the situation. I've never felt bad about working full time, I didn't hesitate to use CIO when sleep training Sam, and I was fine with giving him jarred foods when he wouldn't eat my lovingly prepared purees.

But this... this is getting me.

Diapers.

Yes, diapers.

We made the decision to CD early on, and did it. We even CDd at day care, even though they did not want to at first. We've put in the time, money, effort to make sure we did not have to use disposables. We used disposables while traveling, but every time I threw one away I thought about it just sitting in a landfill for hundreds of years, and I'd feel terrible.

And then I went and got cancer. And let's be honest - with as much as we have going on right now, I know I get a pass on not using cloth. We stocked up on sposies while I was recovering from surgery and for my first week of chemo and it went great. But since this is my "off week" from chemo and I'm feeling fine, yesterday, I sent Sam to DC in cloth again, resolute that we'd use cloth at least on my "off weeks".

Last night as I was emptying the dirties in to the pail I thought about the three extra loads of laundry I'd be doing this week. And it bummed me out. So, selfishly, I decided that we'd be going on a CD hiatus. I could use that time to exercise, read a book, or sit on my behind.

I feel guilty that we invested in cloth to only do it for 16 months. I feel guilty for the diapers I'll be throwing in to a landfill.

But, as I signed up for Subscribe and Save on Earth's Best dipes (best.deal.ever), I also felt like I was giving myself a small gift of time. And, to be honest, Sam has had not one iota of diaper rash since using sposies, and given that in cloth he had a pretty bad case of balanitis (due to detergent residue - totally my fault) - it's nice not to worry about him being uncomfortable if the wash gets screwed up. And, the CD safe detergent we were using on our clothes to prevent build up on the diapers was not cutting the mustard, so it will be nice to go back to more "serious" stuff.

But I still feel bad. So I'm telling myself: We can go back to cloth in 6 months. Or I can sell the stash and recoup some of our investment. We at least broke even over what we'd have paid in disposables in the time we used cloth exclusively. We made it 16 months - that counts for a lot, right?

Guilt is dumb.

emmyloustu · June 2011

Guilt is dumb, but every single one of us can relate on some level. I am glad you have decided to give yourself the gift of time. It is important to be kind to yourself right now.

16mo of CDing is FABULOUS! I did not make it 16wks. The extra laundry killed me. Laundry, rather, folding it, is my Achilles's heel. I admire every CDing mama out there. You've done good!

7th generation Subscribe & Save is fantastic compromise. Now, go do something besides laundry! Stick out tongue

dusk42 · June 2011

Lots of hugs - your time is very precious (even more now that you have a chemo and exercise treatment to follow). Go for the disposables (and I say that as another person who has a hard time using disposables while traveling).

However, if you have a ton of local people asking "What can I do?", you could always ask them to stuff your diapers, etc. We had a "Care Team" at my church for a family with one daughter who had Down's Syndrome and was in heart/kidney failure and another daughter with rheumatoid arthritis and kidney failure. My group did the "miscellaneous" stuff - we painted their kitchen, ran a carpet cleaner, mended clothes, bought the special milk at one end of the town and the no-salt items at the other end, etc. If I were local, I would totally do whatever you needed me to do, including stuffing diapers. Friends like to feel useful.

Mouseygail · June 2011

Guilt definitely is dumb! Cut yourself some slack!! We use sposies on and off just because I am too lazy to fold! Its ok! (((hugs))))

Cassian · June 2011

Look at it this way, even though you are using disposeables now, think of the thousands of diapers that you kept out of the landfills in the past 16 months. You have done great, and with what you are going through, I think you do deserve a free pass

JamaicaMon! · June 2011

You get about eleventy billion gold stars IMO for making it 16 months in CDs. That's 16 months longer than us. And I don't think you should have any guilt at all for not having the time/energy to continue. 16 months is fabulous. Save the guilt for when he's older, and he needs to be embarrassed in front of his girlfriend.

sweetpea18 · June 2011

Cassian:
Look at it this way, even though you are using disposeables now, think of the thousands of diapers that you kept out of the landfills in the past 16 months. You have done great, and with what you are going through, I think you do deserve a free pass

This. And when it comes to diaper laundry, I'm pretty lazy. It gets washed and dried, but usually stays in a basket and I stuff them as I need them

armywife76 · June 2011

I don't think the mommy guilt ever ends! You have done a great job already. I think you should spend your time that you feel good between treatments doing exactly what you want to do and making things as easy on yourself as possible. ((hugs))

dana316 · June 2011

Cut yourself a little slack, Mama. Disposable diapers are NOT the end of the world.

I wouldn't waste ONE minute of worry over this issue...disposable diapers rock ;-)

PhillySue · June 2011

armywife76:
I don't think the mommy guilt ever ends! You have done a great job already. I think you should spend your time that you feel good between treatments doing exactly what you want to do and making things as easy on yourself as possible. ((hugs))

I agree completely. You should 100% not feel guilty!!!!! You deserve a pass on this one

kme930 · June 2011

If anyone deserves the gift of time, it is you. 16 months is a lot, and you shouldn't feel one ounce of guilt about this decision. Enjoy the exercise, book reading and on your behind sitting!

nicolita14w · June 2011

16 months of cloth diapering is amazing. Seriously. Think of how many disposables you would have used in that time.

I am in awe of anyone who CD's for any length of time.

I think that right now your time can be better spent with your DS or relaxing and doing something for yourself, rather than doing extra laundry. You need to give yourself a break where you can.

WillisReincarnated · June 2011

I totally get where you are coming from.

I cloth diapered C for 12.5 months. Loved it, convinced friends to try it, etc. Then when he started walking, the diapers leaked. All.the.time. And he would take them off. And I couldn't use the snaps because he wiggles too much during changes. Insert a million excuses here. And guilt.

But in your situation? Psshawwww, woman. Not a moment of guilt.

Much.easier.com.

Go with it.

qtpa2t · June 2011

I am sitting here reading your post and thinking, "You made it 16 months on CD?!?!!???!!!!" I couldn't get past figuring out what it would entail in terms of what to buy, etc. If you are worried about diapers in a landfill, you saved a land fill 16 MONTHS of diapers!!! Girl, you crazy.

perry7285 · June 2011

honey . . . listen. the absolutely most important thing for you to do for sam right now is to take care of YOURSELF. resting or exercising or doing something you enjoy--all of those things are more important right now in the grand scheme of things than a little waste from temporarily using sposies.

i admire you tremendously for CDing for so long, and if there is anyone on the planet who deserves a break from it, it's you! give yourself a pat on the back for those sixteen months, and then go take a nap or get a massage, because you need it and deserve it.

sending many hugs . . . mommy guilt is tough!

crystalgirl · June 2011

Sixteen months counts for a TON!!! (That's also how long I BF'd DS1...haha.) Wink

I had grandiose plans of CDing when I had DS1, and I failed right out of the gate. I still do feel immense guilt over it (especially as I ponder the sheer mass of diapers we've gone through over these 3 years...makes me ill), but it was one thing I couldn't handle. I was honest with myself that I couldn't... I try to remind myself that I did/do other things that were good that others can't manage, so hopefully it evens out...in some way. Trying not to think about the landfill too much. *sigh*

GOOD for you!! You've done great.

Want a personalized experience?

Ahhhh mommy guilt.

Re: Ahhhh mommy guilt.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards