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Need advice about lawyer vs agency
Sometimes I wonder if we're going about this in the right way. In the beginning of this process I read a book about adoption which recommended doing so much on your own. I've always been a do it yourself kind of girl so I was game. I liked the idea of not being part of a sea of other couples in an agency not to mention saving a lot of money that we didn't have. We hired a lawyer a friend recommended. I liked how down to earth and friendly she is. We knew there would be a lot less birth moms but less competition. We've worked with her for 9 months and there have been 2 situations that we turned down for different reasons. We've had some hits from our own advertising/networking but nothing has been right, (not to mention several obvious scams). Sometimes I wonder if we should have gone with an agency. We've retained our lawyer for $3500. Should we just bite the bullet and get a loan and find an agency. We're in Los Angeles btw. Would love any suggestions. Thank you!
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Re: Need advice about lawyer vs agency
As you know, this is a decision only you can make. I'm going to assume you talked to the lawyer at the get-go about average wait times, how many other families were working with her, etc? 9 months with 2 potential situations isn't horrible, but I know the wait can be frustrating.
You have other options as well, not just lawyer vs agency. There are facilitators and/or consultants, if they're allowed in CA. I'd do some research on your different options as you're waiting to see if you want to go in a different direction.
GL
What Dr. L said.
And frankly, if you're turning situations down, you may have the same issues with an agency. Everyone's filters are different and yours may be a little high (or completely reasonable...we just don't know your story) that make it a longer wait to find the baby who will complete your family. I wouldn't have signed with a lawyer who requires a retainer, but that's just me.
Lawyers also frequently have droughts and then have tons of expecting moms all at one time.
But yeah, only you can decide what is a right fit for you. if you don't think the lawyer is the right path, then it's probably time to move on.
These are the hard questions, aren't they!
I am in LA too... We chose a more traditional path- large law office/adoption center (AH). And I regret it. We wasted a lot of money... but the truth is I would not have regretted it had we matched right away.
Are you working with facilitators? How much more money are able/willing to invest? You can cast a much wider net with facilitators. If I were in your shoes, that's the direction I would go.
I am happy to send you my recommendations off-line if you'd like to review them.
Good luck and hang in there... waiting is excrutiating.
can you increase your personal networking? Do you have postcards with your contact info that you hand out and possibly with a link to a webpage iwth info about your family? If not I would get those and if you do and have handed them out I would do so again or to a broader audience. Chruhces, OB/GYns, crisis centers, etc. We let our family and a few friends know about our infertility struggles and that we were THINKING about adoption and then had 5 possible situation spresented to us in a matter of months. Certianly all of them would not have been viable (for example one was in another country and trying to hide the pregnancy from her husband - we wouldn't touch that with a 10 foot poll!) but I was very surprised that we got any response at all because I really didn't have much faith in this approach. Perhaps staying wehre you are, but increasing your won networking, might lead to more potential matches.
And like PP said, maybe look at your own filter and the potentails you are rejecting to see if those issues really are deal breakers. Sometimes we have a lit of criteria that seem really important to us, but then when we look at it later we cna't really remember why something was a big deal. Not saying you should lower your standards, jsut reevaluate them and see if you still feel the same baout them. Wishing you the best of luck.
History of IF and 2.5 years TTC. The day we were to start our first IUI we received a call that changed our lives forever and 10 month old Olivia joined our family. Shortly thereafter we got a surprise BFP and baby 2 is due July 5, 2012
Thanks for your responses. Nature lover - I've done tons of facebook posting. I think all my friends are sick of me by now. I also did a mailing to 2000 ob/gyn's in California. I may do the postcard thing. Sounds like you had some great possibilities with that. We had several responses through facebook - one chose to parent, one aborted and one was a lunatic scam artist. We have an ad coming out in a baby magazine in August which hopefully will help. I may just go to an orientation at IAC - Independent Adoption Center. I like that they advocate for open adoption. I'm just thinking that if I truly cared about a baby I was carrying and placing I'd want the most support possible. IAC offers counseling, etc.
Thank you guys for helping me think this out loud.