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Single Parents
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Long distance parent visitation?
It sounds like STBXH will be moving back to his hometown and in with his parents. It is approximately 100 miles away from where we live (and where DS and I will continue to live). STBXH wants EOW (and also a week at Christmas and 3 straight weeks in the summer...), but what are my responsibilities when it comes to transporting DS to and from? I feel like packing up DS and driving the 100 miles there and back 4-6 times a month is not only inconvenient for my schedule, but with the cost of gas, it would get super expensive. What sort of arrangement would you propose?
Also, STBXH does not have a driver's license. How does that change your response (if at all)? I want to work with the situation as it is, but not be taken advantage of either. Input appreciated!
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Re: Long distance parent visitation?
I'll be moving with Jake 230 miles away from exFI.
Our visitation is EOW, every other holiday, plus a couple weeks in the summer.
While exFI just got his license, he doesn't have a car.
We are splitting the transportation. I have committed to driving Jake to him once a month. He is responsible for the other week-end. (Honestly, I'm thinking he'll take it sporadically.) The reason I'm not meeting half way is because it's actually longer to take a bus half way since there isn't an express one, plus my ex is notoriously flaky and I'm not risking going halfway just to have him call my cell and tell me he's not coming.
Can your exILs drive? It's up to him to find and his responsibility to do half of the driving. If you do end up doing all the driving, make sure you get proper compensation.Personally, I wouldn't do the driving. He needs to figure out transportation, since he's moving farther away. Knowing most guys, he probably won't even take the visitation EOW if he's the one responsible for the drive.
Regarding Xmas--are you doing a week every other year? Seems unfair that you don't get to spend that holiday with your baby...(I may have misread, but don't feel like going back then starting this msg over LOL)
If XH ever surfaces and we deal thru several issues first, the state of Indiana states he will receive fair visitation right. Indiana code for long distance states he will get one week during winter break, spring break, and 7 weeks in the summer.
But since there are "issues" and he doesn't want to deal with them, it is not happening anytime soon.
Our current CO states that STBXH has DS from 4:30 to 7pm on Tues/Thurs. and 9-4 on Saturdays other than the 4th Saturday of the month. He is to provide transportation at the beginning of the Tues/Thurs visits (daycare pickup) and I would do pick up on Tues/Thurs. from his place and drop off & pick up on Saturdays. This arrangement was put in place back in March when he lived 3 miles away.
Since it was put in place, the only time he actually saw DS was on the weekends when I provided the transportation as he didn't have a way to pick up DS from daycare and therefore had to miss those visits.
Now that he lives 100 miles away, the current arrangement is mute for obvious reasons. We have to go back to mediation next month anyway for all the divorce "stuff" and will reevaluate the current arrangement. Seems there's a fine line between being fair and being taken advantage of given the fact that he's moving away from DS and doesn't have a license.
Congrats on divorcing him!
And I think the pp had a good suggestion about having him responsible for the pickups to start the visitation, and you picking up when it's over. That way if he doesn't show, you didn't waste any time or gas.