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crazy, maybe. endangering my baby, no.

patientspiderspatientspiders
in Natural Birth

Is anyone else being accused of "not doing what is best for the baby" by wanting to have it at home?

 I'm so tired of the "if something goes wrong, it goes wrong fast" argument, and "give your baby the best available options". 

 I've done the research.  I've watched the documentaries.  I've read the books.  I've weighed the options, pros and cons just like everyone else on here, I'm sure.  I know myself.  I know my options.  I do not want a hospital birth. This is not a decision that ANYONE would make lightly, especially not my over-prepared self.

For some reason, all the negativity bounces right off... until they accuse me of endangering my unborn child.  Then my blood boils and I want to scream.

 What do you guys respond with when someone throws the bad-mommy card at you?

 

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Re: crazy, maybe. endangering my baby, no.

  • laurasuzanne2006laurasuzanne2006 member
    just say you've done your research and that (for me personally, you could say something else "I find it actually a safer way to give birth")  I'm having a home birth because i personally feel it is a safer way to give birth to our LO.  Frankly though, people who say things like that probably wouldn't care what your response is, just trying to be cause debate
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  • Texas77againTexas77again member

    first of all, the best thing to do is to not really discuss your birth plans with haters.  for most ppl the thought of giving birth anywhere other than a hosp is just crazy talk.  also keep in mind that you might end up in the hospital for some unforseen reason, so don't be totally against it. 

    i like to say that the hosp is for sick ppl, and until i am sick i don't plan to be there. 

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  • missjilly1025missjilly1025 member
    The best thing is to just not discuss your birthing plans anymore. I received so many negative comments and now I just don't talk about it. Not worth the frustration. 
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  • patientspiderspatientspiders

    I hear what you're saying about just not talking about things, but that just makes it even more frustrating to me!

    I want to talk about it because I want to help ditch the stigma that doing things this way is a backwoods hippie way of doing things.

    I don't want women to always be so ridiculed for this decision. So many women don't even realize they have a choice... it just breaks my heart. 

    I guess my patience of the moment will dictate whether to speak or be silent.  I like the reply, though, that hospitals are for sick people.  I'm gonna keep that one in my pocket for sure.

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  • Sharon21Sharon21
    imagepatientspiders:

    I hear what you're saying about just not talking about things, but that just makes it even more frustrating to me!

    I want to talk about it because I want to help ditch the stigma that doing things this way is a backwoods hippie way of doing things.

    I don't want women to always be so ridiculed for this decision. So many women don't even realize they have a choice... it just breaks my heart. 

    I guess my patience of the moment will dictate whether to speak or be silent.  I like the reply, though, that hospitals are for sick people.  I'm gonna keep that one in my pocket for sure.

    I totally agree with this! I understand why a lot of women choose not to talk about their plans. However, I choose to be very vocal about my plans. I am not going to keep my plans quiet because others are uneducated about the situation. If they try to criticize my decisions I will try to educate them and if that doesn't work I will tell them that unless they are pushing my baby out of their vagina they don't get a say! 

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  • cottonlily84cottonlily84 member

    I thought I could enlighten people to homebirthing.  That did NOT happen.  Turns out not one person would even listen.  I get deaf ears and ignorant comments everytime I bring it up.  The first time I ever wavered on not doing a homebirth was the day DH basically said if I had the baby at home and something went wrong he couldn't live with it.  So after I pulled myself from underneath the guilt train I agreed to birth at the hospital.  Now, will something happen?  Probably not.  I feel like if I'd gone on about my business and not mentioned homebirthing to the haters I'd be seeing a midwife and looking forward to a birthcenter delivery.  Instead I'm caving to the guilt, dreading the hospital and wishing I'd kept my big mouth shut. 

    I do think Sharon's stance is awesome though.  I wish I had the courage to stand my ground like that!

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  • aliskaaliska member
    imageSharon21:
    imagepatientspiders:

    I hear what you're saying about just not talking about things, but that just makes it even more frustrating to me!

    I want to talk about it because I want to help ditch the stigma that doing things this way is a backwoods hippie way of doing things.

    I don't want women to always be so ridiculed for this decision. So many women don't even realize they have a choice... it just breaks my heart. 

    I guess my patience of the moment will dictate whether to speak or be silent.  I like the reply, though, that hospitals are for sick people.  I'm gonna keep that one in my pocket for sure.

    I totally agree with this! I understand why a lot of women choose not to talk about their plans. However, I choose to be very vocal about my plans. I am not going to keep my plans quiet because others are uneducated about the situation. If they try to criticize my decisions I will try to educate them and if that doesn't work I will tell them that unless they are pushing my baby out of their vagina they don't get a say! 

    I do this to some extent.  If someone asks specifically which hospital we are going to, I tell them that we are going to a birth center.  Usually I try to test the waters to see if they are open to discussion or not.  I'd say my friends/family have been 50/50 on thinking I am crazy or being supportive.  I'm lucky that I have many friends and coworkers who think it is great that I am going out of hospital and want to know more information about why we didn't want a hospital birth and the risks associated with it.

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  • DaisharainDaisharain

    I have 3 different friends that did home births- two of them were first time moms, the third hated her hospital experience so she did home birth with her second.

    I applaude women that can do this, I think it is wonderful. In other countries only like 15% of births are in hospitals!

    I would look up some stats and inform these people- numbers don't lie :-)

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  • Texas77againTexas77again member
    imagepatientspiders:

    I hear what you're saying about just not talking about things, but that just makes it even more frustrating to me!

    I want to talk about it because I want to help ditch the stigma that doing things this way is a backwoods hippie way of doing things.

    I don't want women to always be so ridiculed for this decision. So many women don't even realize they have a choice... it just breaks my heart. 

    I guess my patience of the moment will dictate whether to speak or be silent.  I like the reply, though, that hospitals are for sick people.  I'm gonna keep that one in my pocket for sure.

    oh, i get it.  i've been an out of hosp birth advocate for 10yrs now.  i used to go around vocalizing my thoughts whenever the situation arose and tried to change the world.  i was going to get the word out there about it and inform the masses that women have options. 

    i just met with so much opposition every.single.time.it came up.  i got tired.  the haters wore me down.  so now i don't really say much about it to the non-believers.  i much prefer to be around others that feel the same way that i do about it.  it's really nice to have an intelligent conversation with ppl who get it and don't believe all of the scare tactics. 

     

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