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Austin Babies
Moving - wwyd? non-clicky poll
If all goes according to plan, I will be having our second baby around December 29. DH travels a lot for his job and I don't see how I can take care of both kids by myself under his current travel schedule (especially a newborn). We can move to San Diego where he goes for work and then he will be around every night. When would you move? Sometime during pregnancy or wait until after the baby is born and is a couple of months old? I'm comfortable with my Dr and hospital and not excited about switching to someone else. I have family here that can help when the baby is born if DH needs to travel. We don't have any family in CA. DH thinks it would be easier to move before the baby is born.
Other option is for DH to take a non-travel job here but that is unlikely.
wwyd? Any advice appreciated!
>This discussion has been closed.
Re: Moving - wwyd? non-clicky poll
Isn't the cost of living much higher there? I would factor that into my decision as far as- could I still stay home? -could we buy a house of a similar size?
That's a really tough decision. Is he currently home on the weekends? Would he be getting home early enough to help with more than just bedtime type stuff if you moved out there? I would be reluctant to move away from family if you would really only be gaining about an hour of help a day. (Now, missing your DH is a separate consideration, but as he currently travels I'm removing that from the equation.) Could you hire a mother's helper? Put DS in MDO? Can (will) DH take any kind of paternity leave? I'm just tossing out ideas...
I'm, admittedly, a bit codependent with DH, but my mom and I have regrown the umbilical cord according to DH. I would have a really hard time leaving family, but I would also have a really hard time missing DH if he was gone every week.
ETA: If you are going to move, I would do is ASAP. I would not want to deal with moving/ unpacking with a newborn. Also, I think it would be more stress on your whole family (particularly your DS) to move and add a newborn at the same time.
I'd move before the baby comes. I can't imagine trying to recover from delivery with my DH several states away and take care of DC #1. Even with family in town I, personally, would rather have DH than anyone else at that time. Plus, I'd rather have time to settle into my new home before DC#2 arrives.
I'd wait until after the baby is born & then move. That way your family will be around when you have the baby to watch your DS.
Good luck with the decision. BTW I lived in San Diego for 7 years and absolutely loved it -- I would move back there in a heartbeat if we could ever afford it. It's a great place and you honestly cannot beat the weather.
We moved from NC to Austin when DD was 5 months old. We have no family here, and even though DH doesn't have to travel much for work, he still puts in a lot of hours. The lack of nearby family is hard, although honestly we didn't have family nearby in NC either.
I would not want to move during pregnancy. It's so stressful, especially if you have to sell a house here, find a house there, arrange all new utilities, pack, unpack, etc. Yes, it will be stressful with a baby too, but I would not want to move while pregnant. I know me, I know how particular I was about the house toward the end of my pregnancy, and trying to settle into a new home before the birth would have driven me crazy. On top of that, you're due right after Christmas. Christmas is stressful enough already, and you want to add an impending birth AND a cross country move on top of that??
Let's say you do move to CA this summer or fall. You have no family there and you're going to be on your own all day with a new baby and a young child, and you know no one. I've BTDT, but with one baby, and it sucked. I had a hard time getting out and meeting new people and making new mom friends. How will you feel if you are out there and your DH's schedule changes to where he may not be traveling, but he's still putting in long hours at the office? When we moved here, DH's hours actually increased, and it sucked.
How often is your DH traveling now? What would his hours be in CA? What kind of paternity leave does he have or is he able to take when the baby comes? Do you have family here who can help with the baby and your other child when DH travels? Is a MDO or a preschool an option for at least one kiddo to give you a little bit of a break? What kind of a home can you afford in CA? Would you be stuck in a tiny apartment with two small children?
We've talked about moving to CA off and on before because of the sheer number of game design companies there, but we keep coming back to cost of living. Right now we own a house in the 'burbs with a decent-sized yard, neighborhood pools, and a short walk to a great elementary school. Yeah, DH could likely get a raise if we moved, but probably not enough to offset the tremendous cost of living in LA.
I don't want to say don't move because frankly, despite all of the stress involved with our move here and the really rough time we went through as a couple when we moved, in the long run it has worked out okay and we really love Austin. Holy run-on sentence, Batman! I guess if it were me, I'd probably wait until the baby comes, give yourself a few months to adjust to being a family of four, and then consider whether a move is the best decision for your family.
Meredith, 6-1-06 and Alex, 11-5-09
We moved just across town when Abby was 8 months old. It was easy enough to pack up the house because she wasn't mobile yet. She really couldn't even pull up on boxes yet. I think about moving now and I shudder. I can't get out of the house some days without Emily unpacking my bag =P
Yes cost of living is much higher. We won't move if they won't increase his salary to what we think is enough for a similar lifestyle. He hasn't brought up the specifics since we aren't sure what we want to do yet except mentioned at least a 40% increase and they seemed ok with that.
He is currently home on the weekends. He thinks he will work 8-5 there, but of course you never know if that will change. He is pretty good about sticking to 8-5 when he is at home most days. I think I will need to put DS in MDO or hire someone to help even if we are here, and yes if we are there too. DH does not know the paternity leave policy. It is a small company so probably not much there.
I am also "co" with my mom since having DS. She and my Dad are the only people who watch him. Any time I need a Dr. appt or whatever my mom watches him. I have a hard tim leaving them for this reason for my sake and DS's relationship too. They would come with us if they thought they could sell their house. I am also concerned about the timing and stress for DS. This is one reason I think it may be good to leave early.
This heat right now is definitely making me want to move. DH's company pays for me to visit SD with him when he travels so I've been a few times this year, most recently last week and gosh I really did not like coming back to the heat. I'm so glad to hear you would move back. I used to work with a couple of people that had left SD and they told me it wasn't a good place to raise kids. I don't know why they said that.
I never had help from my family as they are on the east cost and the ils are in another country, but it's hard to move away from your support group.
if you are moving to CA and want to stay home, be sure you can get the raise.
i don't know san diego, but up here, it took up a over a month to find a house to bid on. maybe sure you add that to your time line.
I moved thinking I'd see my hubby more, but he wasn't good at coming home by 5-6 before we moved (well he worked upstairs and didn't come down until I yelled dinner).
Good luck with whatever you decide
I think another bumpie moved to San Diego recently
Yeah if DH's hours increased it would really suck. I will have to talk to him about this. Right now he is traveling pretty much 4 days a week for 3 weeks of the month. He is home on weekends. He thinks he will be 8-5 M-F there. We do not know how much time he can take off when the baby comes. I assume he will be able to just travel 1 week per month for the first couple months and take off the first 3 weeks. He hasn't looked into it yet. Yes my parents can help here when he travels, right now they take DS one night a week or pretty much just as I need. His parents are also in East Texas and would love to come stay to help out as necessary as they did when DS was born. They of course drive me crazy but the help is still appreciated. I do plan to figure out some sort of pt MDO for DS whether here or there. We will not move if we can't get enough of a salary increase to afford a home pretty darn similar to what we have now. So we will not go at all if we will be in a tiny apartment (DS will find a job here or somewhere else where he can make enough to not decrease our lifestyle).
Thank you for the long post!
I don't know what you have now, but we went from a 4 bedroom 3.5 bath 3100sq house to a 2000sq house with really 3 bedrooms and 2/5 baths.
what we sold out house for wasn't even enough for our down payment
( i might delete this post later)
CA is expensive. there is more sales tax, income tax, eating out at a restaurant tax and well everything is more. my organic milk is 7 bucks.
I love it here most of the time (again I'm in the Bay), but it's hard starting all over.
However, with a newborn or still being preggers could help with meeting new people.
Anyway, just wanted to put out a few things you might not have thought of.
fwiw- DH can easily take another job here, it may pay 10% less. It's just that his current job looks very promising (he's been there < 1 year). The owners of the company really like him and continue to give him more and more responsibility (in a good way). This is why we are considering the move. This and the weather.
If we stay here we will have to move also. We don't have enough room in our house for the new guy. Though I think I'm ok with 6 months in our room with us, though Rssn's post about the loud newborn kind of makes me reconsider that. Oh and we need a bigger car too.
Thanks for chiming in fjaril. Downsizing the house is a big concern and expenses too. We are looking to get more than a 40% increase in salary also looking to just rent hoping to test the waters there with the expenses and job for a year or two before deciding to permanently stay. We would have a couple of years before DS would start kindergarten so we could decide to move to a more affordable area or back here for school if CA is just too crowded/expensive for us or the job wasn't turning out to be as upwardly moving for DH. I know I spend a ton on groceries as it is and have been told food is more expensive there (everything is). This is why his employer thinks we haven't moved already.
I know you had mentioned before that your DH had traveled for work and once DS got to a certain age it became harder on him, didn't you? How old was DS when you thought he was missing Daddy too much?
The weather is only horrid here 3 months out of the year. We run errands early in the day, drink ice tea and find other ways of beating the heat. I really don't feel like I can replace my friends or my fantastic co-workers. I just don't. HUGE factor in DH not taking multiple jobs he's been offered. Texas is home. Even if I melt at least 2 things of Burts Bees in my car every year.
I grew up in SD. Well a burb of SD. I think I turned out fine so raising kids in SD is not so bad. We have been here in Austin for 5 years and keep talking about moving back one day, but there are some cons that we just can't seem to get over.
Here is our list of PROS and CONS for your reading entertainment.
PROS: weather, proximity to family (we are alone here, all our family is in CA), beaches, mountains (you can go from teh beach to the mountains in 1.5 hours - even less), drivable vacations, better produe (TX produce just deosn't compare to CA produce), reduction in allergies, no mosquitos, no bugs the size of a YUGO.
CONS: cost of living, housing prices, state income tax, state disability tax, car registration fees ($64.50 for a car here in TX would be about $400 in CA), too close to the US/ TJ border (the amount of partying that occurs as the kids get older....), state of the State at this time,
There are a lot of other factors on both sides that are not as big of a deal but still are things that we weigh.
I think my biggest concerns with your situation would be stability of company, moving and not knowing anyone or the place and having two young children, who is to say that the company isn't going to say sure 40% pay increase and then 1 yr later reduce salaries due to who knows what.
It is a tough call and I honestly don't know what to to tell you because like I said we entertain the same ideas of moving there all the time.
Good luck. If you need any recommendations on areas to live, schools, etc. let me know.
ditto. there are still some areas in san diego where you can find an "affordable" house -- you just have to go out of the city center -- the same that you have to do here. my friend just bought a 4bd/3bath house in san marcos for 300k. the housing market has really taken a hit there over the past couple of years and you'd be shocked to see what you can find. the downfall to this is that traffic in SD can be a complete disaster. i used to communte from rancho bernardo to sdsu and it would take me at least 1 hr to drive each way (sometimes closer to 2). and the commute up I-5 is even worse.
i do agree that a lot of things are more $ in CA -- gas is a big one. also you'll have state income tax. i didn't notice a big different in grocery prices.
i think for the most part the people there were super friendly and laid back. i think it's a great place to raise kids. maybe your friends were just talking about the cost of living? it's pretty expensive & for the most part the salaries don't match up to the COL. most families i know are dual-working families. i don't have a single friend there that can afford to be a SAHM.
good luck with your decision!!
I have the same pros and cons regarding SD. DH has a lot of knowledge in a field that is in high demand right now (and for the foreseeable future) so I'm not too worried about the company going under just because I know he can find something else easily. Yes maybe it may not be in SD but since the opportunities seem so good for him at the company I think we are willing to take the risk and just relocate again if we have to.
Thanks so much for the info. I'd love to know where you would recommend looking to live considering prices and schools. His office is in Solana Beach like right next to the ocean. I found some comparable houses to ours near Del Mar that are $3500-$4000/month for rent. I don't know how far inland you have to go to get less expensive and still be in a desireable area.
Yeah I don't think I will even be able to afford to be a SAHM here long term. I will start working here too again at some point. I hope to be able to SAHM until both kids are in school or maybe once #2 is in preschool. I wouldn't even mind going back sooner if I could find the right nanny or situation.
$300k for a 4/3 isn't bad at all! Though I don't know anything about San Marcos except where it is on the map.
We certainly don't want DH commuting an hour to work. That would defeat part of our purpose in moving. Right now when he is at home he works from here so no commute at all. And if he did get a job here likely it would be DT which is a pretty easy commute for us here from SW Austin.
kittyfx i used to live in del mar. beautiful place but the people there are kind of stuffy. it's kind of like the westlake of san diego.
i worked in escondido at the time and ended up taking a backroad there to get to work -- del dios highway. it saved me a lot of time. the 56 freeway is a NIGHTMARE so i don't know if your DH would want to deal with that during rush hour -- so you probably want to avoid anything off of the I-15 (rancho penasquitos, rancho bernardo, poway, etc). if you are looking to buy a house, there are affordable houses in vista, san marcos, and parts of carlsbad. all of those would be up the I-5 though and traffic can get pretty bad on that too.
in areas around solana beach, i would look in SB itself or maybe in encinitas, del mar or la jolla to rent. but just note that anything right off the I-5 close to the ocean is going to be a lot more $$ than anywhere more inland in SD.
before i moved to austin i lived in the mission bay area and absolutely loved it. it was close to the center of san diego and close to the beach as well. it was way more affordable down there than in del mar & also your DH would be going opposite commute.
i would avoid anything down by the sdsu campus or anything south of downtown SD itself. it starts to get too close to the border and the traffic gets bad & it's a little more "ghetto".
If his office is in Solana Beach then I would look in areas like Carmel Valley, La Costa, Del Mar Heights (not right on the ocean but close), Encinitas, Carlsbad, and maybe even the western portions of Rancho Penasquitos (or as we used to call it Rancho skin your penis) LOL. The Del Mar, and Poway and San Dieguito school districts ar the best in the area.
Hwy 56 has been completed now so it isn't as bad to commute on as it used to be. If you stay north of the split (I-5 and I-15 come together) then the traffic won't be too bad. Once you get past the first few exits of Del Mar then I-5 clears up nicely for the most part. My DH lived in Carlsbad and I lived by SDSU so that commute to see each other SUCKED. But like I said since his office would be up north if you stay north of the slpit it should not be any worse than an Austin commute on MoPac. And NOTHING in SD is as bad as a Friday afternoon commute here on I-35 (except on the major holidays!!!)
Thanks for the info Charger and Baliahai!!
The houses I mentioned looking at for $3500-4000 were east of 5 and north of 56 so I guess I'm looking in the right area. I will look at the other places you mentioned.
DH's bosses live in Del Mar and the company's office used to be located there. That is where we stay when I visit so I know how stuffy it can be. DH's other friends at work seem to live mostly in Encinitas but looking at rentals online I haven't really seen anything in Encinitas.
Good to know about the school districts being good. I've been to Poway once and it just seemed too far out and too suburban for me but I realize that may be the route we need to go to get to a more affordable area.
Maybe the prices I saw were the high end. Just my first glance.
as we closed in on 2, it was getting harder and harder.
my hub was m-f 3 week a month also, sometimes more sometimes less, but rarely less.
I'm up in the bay and it's still really expensive. I go to 5 or 6 stores to get groceries and it's not bad, but it takes all week
gas is actually going down around here. most everywhere is under 4 bucks again 
it sounds like a good plan to rent for a while and feel out the area. we lived here before we moved to Austin and had a great realtor to work with again and he helped us tons.
good luck