- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Babies on the Brain
Ashleyyyyy
member
So, M just got kicked out of daycare. (long)
Ashleyyyyy
member
For biting.
Over the past 6 months that we've had her, she would bite when another kid would provoke her by taking a toy or food from her. They said that it was "normal toddler biting" and we worked on it at daycare and at home. She doesn't bite us (although she did once back in February but hasn't since then) so we're not actually witnessing it. It got better for a while but now it's worse. Daycare is now saying and I quote "that she is being malicious".
Two weeks ago she leaned over during circle time and bit the kid next to her. That got her suspended for 3 days. Last Monday she went over to a little girl that was minding her own business reading a book and bit her. That got her suspended for the rest of the week. She wasn't at daycare for more then 2 hours today when she bit another kid. Three strikes and she's out.
I feel awful for the other kids, I'm totally horrified, and I understand why she can't go there anymore. Daycare is supposed to be a fun safe place, but I don't know what to do with her. DH and I both work FT and I've already taken most of the last two weeks off to be at home with her. I can't just hire a babysitter because anyone that is going to be alone with her, has to pass a background check (a 4-6 week process) first.
It seems like we've tried everything, bought everything that I've read about, talked to her dentist, pediatrician, gotten everything daycare wanted to try out and I've researched it to death. I know that she would bite SIL when she wasn't paying attention to her. I remember going to dinner with them (long before she got back on drugs) and while we were talking, M was trying to get her attention and when she didn't get what she wanted, she leaned over and bit SIL on the side. It could be an attention thing but I'm out of ideas here.
I swear it's just one thing after another. 
/vent.
DD 8/1/2009
DS 4/12/2013
TTC in 2017 (maybe)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: So, M just got kicked out of daycare. (long)
22 months. She's going to be 2 in August.
I seriously doubt it is maliscious. It really is normal toddler behavior. Sadly, a majority of daycares don't want or know how to handle it, so they kick the child out. It's very, very frustrating for both the parent and the child. You can't stop something that you don't see happening and if the DC is unwilling to do anything besides send the child home.
Your best bet is to find a daycare that is willing to work with you. Most times, a child that age bites because of stress. Find a place with lower child:teacher ratios. Ask how they handle biting. Ask them about the class schedule and how they manage transitions. Ask if they have a floater who is available to step in and help out during high stress/transition times.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. PM me if you have more questions or want more specifics about how we handled biting with toddlers at daycare.
Can they actually kick her out of daycare???? And suspend her???
I?m not from the US, I?m from Germany and I worked in daycares/pre-schools for 10 years. And we cant suspend or kick children out of daycare. Arnt the teachers supposed to work with the kids and parents to figure this out? If we had "problems" with kids we tried to find out why they were doing stuff and tried to find solutions.
So the consequence of biting is getting suspended. Your kid is not stupid and if they keep doing this she will "learn" that biting will get her out of daycare; she gets to go home with mom.
And kids that age do bite a lot. It is often their way to express themselves. Not a nice/good way but its their way.
Yeah, I know. When I was told that the biting policy had changed two weeks ago, I asked your same question. I never got a clear answer. I'm sure other parents are complaining though. She's one of two biters in her class (both of which are in foster care). They have a 7 kids to 1 teacher ratio and I haven't found anything smaller in our area. I do think she needs more one on one though. In-home daycare's have smaller groups but I'm leery about that and DH already vetoed it. He had a traumatic experience at one back when he was a couple years older than M.
Thanks, I'll ask those questions today when we tour a different daycare. M's grandma suggested a Montessori daycare, but I'm not sure what the difference would be regarding how they handle biting. I honestly think the DC she's at now is fed up and out of ideas. I get it though, I guess. I know they tried, but kicking her out isn't helpful. I'm thissss close from ripping out my hair and pounding my head on the wall.
That's because they have no good answer. They are covering their ass and avoiding the problem rather than solving it.
A 7:1 ratio at that age is kind of nuts. Find somewhere with a 4:1 ratio if you can. 4:1 is the law in my state. I'm sorry you're having trouble finding anything less than that.
It's normal toddler behavior and as pp said, lots of daycare providers don't know how to handle it. Especially if they have six other toddlers running around and there's only one adult.
Really?
I've never heard of it being that low and I've called 6 or 7 places today. It's either 7:1 or 10:1. Where she has been at it is 7:1 but most days there is 14:2. With that much activity going on around her, I think it stresses her out. Prior to us getting her, it was just her and my SIL. She never went to a DC before.
Yeah, I'm sure you're right. I'd probably be more pisssed off if her teacher hadn't been crying more then I was over her getting kicked out.
Sadly, 7:1 is about what you're going to do over 18 months in most states, not that it helps really. I think 6:1 is about the max that should be done with the 18-24 age group. I'm surprised they don't have two teachers though. 14 with 2 teachers is still hectic, but at least you theoretically have someone free while the other is changing diapers. I've been there and it is the worst feeling to watch a child get bitten when you have a kid on the changing table and can't get there in time.
It doesn't surprise me that her teacher was crying. I've been in her exact situation before and felt like my hands were tied by the administration giving me no help to resolve the situation. In fact, it is the reason I got out of daycare. It's also the reason these type of posts are a soapbox issue for me.
I've only seen a helper in there a couple times when their primary teacher was on lunch, changing diapers or on break. I'm sure she is there more often but I don't see her in the short amount of time I am there. More recently they've been putting the 18-24 in with the 2+ group. When they do that, they have two teachers and about 14 kids. It's total insanity when you walk in the door.
We see our SW on Wednesday (she's new-ish and new to our case, our last SW got transferred to a different department) and I'll be bringing all of this up to her. M is currently in speech therapy and our SW mailed me a packet on a behavioral program through the same company that I could enroll her into but I have mixed feelings on that. Isn't she a little young for that? MIL thinks she should be enrolled sooner the better because of the neglect and anything else that happened while in my SIL's care. I haven't done any research on it, just got it in the mail on Saturday.
We have my mom and my MIL for respite but they both also work FT. My mom helped last week but MIL hasn't offered even though she knows I'm running low on PTO/patience/sanity. I'm not surprised that she hasn't though. She did just start a new job. But still.
I bought the Teeth Are Not For Biting book a couple weeks ago and we've been reading it 2-3 times a day. She seems to like it and even wanted to bring it to daycare but still bit and even drew blood that day within 90 minutes of me dropping her off.
I did a search for Goddard and there is actually one 4 miles from me! I never knew they existed and they didn't come up on my first initial Google search. I will give them a call today. Thanks!
I'll have to ask and see if there is any close foster families for help. That would be amazing if so.
I think the behavioral program is through Early Toddler Intervention, but I'll check out the brochure tonight. What is OT?
I seem to have forgotten how to PM but I found you on the BOTB FB page. You have a friend request! I think I've cried more this year then over the last 5 years. Thank you so much. I'll be messaging you (and Armandos) very soon, I'm sure!