- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Austin Babies
Church with kids?
So, I'm Catholic and DH is an atheist. I'm also lazy and have not been taking Kate to mass. The guilt to sleepy ratio has finally tipped over to the guilt side so I'm going to start taking her to weekly mass. Help me out here.
We usually meet my parents and they can help, but as soon as she starts being disruptive (maybe 10 minutes into mass) we have to book it to the cry room. Obviously my parents have no desire to hang out in the cry room so I'm flying solo. She's not crying disruptive, she just talking loudly about wanting to hear more music, or the stars on the ceiling, etc. We've been talking about whispering, but she's not getting it.
Once we get to the cry room, she's difficult to manage. There are a lot of other kids in there and she wants to play. I'm looking at a goal of keeping her out of the cry room though, so I don't want it to be a fun place KWIM?
Any suggestions? How do you keep your kiddo quiet in church without bribing them with food? Any books that talk about the need to whisper?
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Church with kids?
I taught Layna to whisper by whispering. Kids love to copy you. Don't tell her to whisper, just start whispering.
We don't take Layna to church but I used to manage Jakob by bringing small toys, coloring book and crayons and dry snacks like Cheerios or Apple Jacks.
Do people give you the side eye when you give him snacks? I see lots of kids with snacks in the cry room, but never in the main church. I'm totally packing some crayons for today.
Usually we go on Saturday evenings, but we're going this morning because my parents are out of town and we're meeting my grandmother.
Will goes to Sunday School now, but when he was a little bit younger and I was still the over-protective mommy who wouldn't let him go to Sunday School, I'd pack the diaper bag full of anything I thought might entertain him for longer than 2.5 seconds. LOTS of snacks. No one ever gave us the side eye, but our church is really modern and laid-back. Goldfish, puffs, grapes cut in half, sippy of juice or milk, etc. I brought lots of books, his trains [he would "drive" them all over me], crayons, etc.
We taught him to whisper a while back...I can't really remember how, but he thinks it's hilarious and will do it most of the time if we're whispering too.
I'm not really familiar with Catholic church...is there not a Sunday School program to take her to? Will LOVES going to Sunday School now! I really feel like he's learning stuff from it too. It was hard on both of us at first to drop him off, but he's really done well. Much better than I thought he would.
What is this "no food" bribery of which you speak!?
At our church, kids are not really expected to attend services until age 3 (which is approx the same age they are really encouraged to stay OUT of the nursery). I know that's not what you want to hear!! I was raised Catholic and while we were absolutely expected to attend services no matter the age, it usually didn't go down without a fight until around that age. There was no such thing as a cry room at my childhood church either. There was just always a screaming baby during Mass. That's just how it is/was at St. Josephats.
Our church does have "busy bags" which is full of stuff Abby has never seen before - a new stuffed animal, books, stickers etc. I allow Abby to play with them when she's getting distracted/bored and then try to engage her services again. After all, kind of like you don't want to make the cry room "fun", I don't want Abby thinking we go to church so she can play with stickers and get a new cheapie stuffed animal!
Does she imitate Abby pretty well? I wouldn't mind going to Mass a time or two and Abby can set a good (or better?) example. Let me know if you think it would help and we can work on some dates.
My kid is 3.5 and still has a hard time sitting still. I'm at a benefit because there is usually babysitting during Friday evening shabbat services and Ben usually wants to go there more than anything.
On the few Fridays we've been and there wasn't babysitting, I usually bring his "Busy Bag". It's a tote bag I fill with crayons, a small coloring book, a small picture book ($1 bin at Target is great for this!), a couple of small toys, and a baggie with some snacks. He's learning to whisper, but sitting still is just out of the question. We camp out in some seats toward the back of the sanctuary that a) give him a little room to spread out, b) are usually least occupied, and c) a quick exit if he decides to throw a tantrum.
Things that work for us:
o A healthy breakfast before church. They're so much better behaved when we make the time to get an egg and some milk into them before we go.
o We sit waaaay down front. Not the very front pew, but close. We've found that if we keep our kids away from the other little kids, they're not tempted to join in on the horseplay that inevitably goes on in the back rows. And the stuff going on up at the altar/pulpit is pretty interesting for them anyway.
o A cuppy of milk for each boy, and a bag of Cheerios. I have to spend a minute after the service hunting down any stray Cheerios that got away, but they're a pretty tidy snack.
o Crayons/coloring pages/books. Our church actually provides a cloth bag full of this stuff for each child (they return it after the service), but it would be easy to put together one of your own. Each boy is responsible for getting his bag before church, using it quietly during worship, putting everything back in after worship, and returning it to where he got it before we leave. They like having that little job, and the stuff in the bag usually keeps them occupied when they start losing focus.
o A lollipop apiece. At our church, the pattern is always Old Testament reading, Epistle reading, children's sermon, Gospel reading, sermon. The boys get their lollipops after the Gospel reading. They know they have to be quiet and respectful during that time, or no lollipop. Then the lollipop gets them through half the sermon. (I should add that the pastor hands out lollipops to all the kids at the children's sermon anyway; otherwise, we'd probably pick a less sugary treat.)
o We work with Daniel on the parts of the liturgy regularly, so that he's familiar with the flow and can participate. We'll do the same with William when he's a little older. It makes Daniel proud to hear the parts of the service he knows, and to be able to sing/pray/recite along with all the grownups and big kids. We're also teaching him hymns by singing them with him at night before bed. He gets really excited when we sing one of the ones he knows during worship.
o DH and I try to be as involved as we can in worship activities. Like, he plays instrumental solos, I sing vocal solos, I'm a lay reader during worship... Stuff like that. We didn't start that for the kids, but we've noticed that since we've become more involved, the boys have more respect for others who are serving in those ways also, which equals better behavior during worship.
o We socialize with the pastors and their families enough outside of worship time that the boys see them all as friends. That helps a lot. It's harder to misbehave if it's your friend preaching the sermon than if it's a stranger, I guess.
o We use the nursery as an absolute last resort. The boys see it as a reward for poor behavior, so we only use it when we're about to tear our hair out. Fortunately, that's not often.
o Relax! We used to stress a lot more about our kids' behavior in church. Turns out the people around us (mostly older people, since we sit up front) have been there and done that with kids of their own who are now grown, and they totally get it. They don't mind one bit when our kids have the occasional outburst. We take the kids out if the outburst turns into something bigger, but for the little stuff we don't sweat it so much anymore. And now that we're more relaxed in church, the kids are too.
Sorry that was so long! Behavior in church is something we've actually thought a lot about and worked on really hard, just because it's so important to us that our littles learn the rhythms of worship and come to enjoy it for themselves.
Enjoy getting back into church!
We definitely let DD have a snack during church. Mass usually coincides with snack time anyway, and at her age I don't see anything wrong with it. No one has ever given us the crusty eye because she has a snack. We also take coloring books and some of her favorite books. Mostly, she's just interested now in what's going on around her. As she gets older and can start to sit through a Mass more easily, we'll nix the snacks and books. For now, this is the best we can do. We also do not like to sit in the crying room because inevitably it's either kids just playing in there or adults talking (yes, unfortunately adults have used this room as the talking/texting room).
Like a PP said, I think DH and I put a whole lot more stress on ourselves because we expect DD to behave perfectly and of course we don't want to disrupt other people. However, I have to remember that DD won't learn how to behave during Mass unless we take her, and sometimes that means that she won't behave perfectly. I think as long as we are taking the steps to correct that behavior then it's all good. This has also allowed us to be a little less stressed which I think has helped DD's behavior as well.
Thanks for all of the great advice guys! Sadly, it appears that snacks are out. There was a note in the pew with the expected behavior (?!?) and it included no snacks. We might switch to a slightly less conservative parish until Kate's a bit older, but for now we're going to try to keep going with my parents. The crayons were a hit though- we actually made it through the whole mass without going to the cry room.
I think you guys hit the nail on the head with my needing to lower my expectations. I am expecting her to sit silently and still, but it's not going to happen unless I expose her to it.
Taytee- you are a doll, but I think that all that would accomplish would be for Abby to learn some new bad habits from Kate.