"You look like you've lost weight!" Is this rude to say?

NewFamily09 · June 2011

Maybe it's just me, but when people say this to me, I don't really like it. I've never been actively trying to lose weight, except maybe after I had DS1, but occasionally, someone I haven't seen in a while will make this comment. I think they mean it to be a compliment, but since I wasn't really trying to lose weight, it kind of makes me self-conscious, like maybe they are saying that I sholud be trying to lose weight.

Anyway, I was wondering if I'm alone on this, because a coworker and I were once talking about how a colleague of ours had lost weight and looked great. My coworker told me that I should mention it to the colleague, but I never did because I didn't want to offend her.

So now I have a friend at church that I've noticed over the past few weeks seems to have lost a lot of weight and looks really good. According to my coworker, I should compliment her on losing weight. If someone told you that you looked like you had lost weight, would you take it as a compliment or be offended?

Firedancer1013 · June 2011

I used to take it as a compliment until an elderly patient of mine told me she says this to a lot of younger women (who she doesn't actually believe look like they've lost weight), because she said it makes them like her better... After she said that now I always question that person's intentions... yikes.

*Edited for spelling

beckslea · June 2011

It depends on who it is. A coworker told me the other day "You're starting to get your figure back. That means you're going to get pregnant with #2 soon." Obviously that is a much more offensive thing to say than telling someone they lost weight and look nice.

When my mom told me I looked like I lost weight it also bothered me because my family is obsessed with being thin. But a couple of friends have paid me compliments and I really appreciated that they noticed and said something.

LoveMaBaybee · June 2011

Maybe on the safe side, just comment on how great she looks and that there is something different about her. Maybe she'll tell you she has been trying to lose weight, that way you aren't "suggesting" anything and you can talk about it; or she will just say thanks and leave it at that.

I know it depends on my mood to know how to take things people say to me, but I think I would take it as a compliment for the most part.

LoveMaBaybee · June 2011

becky2v:
It depends on who it is. A coworker told me the other day "You're starting to get your figure back. That means you're going to get pregnant with #2 soon." Obviously that is a much more offensive thing to say than telling someone they lost weight and look nice.
When my mom told me I looked like I lost weight it also bothered me because my family is obsessed with being thin. But a couple of friends have paid me compliments and I really appreciated that they noticed and said something.

::headdesk:: people are so weird.

beckslea · June 2011

LoveMaBaybee:
becky2v:
It depends on who it is. A coworker told me the other day "You're starting to get your figure back. That means you're going to get pregnant with #2 soon." Obviously that is a much more offensive thing to say than telling someone they lost weight and look nice.
When my mom told me I looked like I lost weight it also bothered me because my family is obsessed with being thin. But a couple of friends have paid me compliments and I really appreciated that they noticed and said something.
::headdesk:: people are so weird.

Yeah she's a witch... she also told me several times when I was preg that I was huge and I was going to have the baby early.

LoveMaBaybee · June 2011

becky2v:
LoveMaBaybee:
becky2v:
It depends on who it is. A coworker told me the other day "You're starting to get your figure back. That means you're going to get pregnant with #2 soon." Obviously that is a much more offensive thing to say than telling someone they lost weight and look nice.
When my mom told me I looked like I lost weight it also bothered me because my family is obsessed with being thin. But a couple of friends have paid me compliments and I really appreciated that they noticed and said something.
::headdesk:: people are so weird.
Yeah she's a witch... she also told me several times when I was preg that I was huge and I was going to have the baby early.

Blurg! What a nut job. You should have asked her when her due date was.

ashley542 · June 2011

I would and have always take it as a compliment. Sometimes I question whether or not someone truly means it or if they are just trying to be friendly but I dont care enough about other people's opinions about things like that to be offended.

mittensonkittens · June 2011

Some people might like to hear that, but I don't. It makes me think they thought I looked fat before. I'd just stick with "you look great", she can read whatever she wants into the statement.

itsme32985 · June 2011

I don't mind it some times. But I don't know it depends on the day, sometimes I like hearing it other times I'm like "stop looking at my fat ass!" I like when people say you are looking really good rather then saying you look like you lost weight. But I think I'm just quirky in general when it comes to those comments.

kg_08 · June 2011

I guess it depends.....

If I notice someone has lost some weight, I tell them they look great and always mean it as a compliment.

Now I was always skinny to begin with, so when people tell me I have lost weight it's usually something like "You're so thin! I can see your bones! Are you eating enough?" Jeeeezz.... Sorry, but I've got a baby sucking the calories out of me.

drea_raye · June 2011

alopdx:
I think it is absolutely rude to comment on someone's weight for any reason. "You look great!" is a good alternative.

I like this! Right now I am more happy about dressing for my new shape than what the scale says...

xxbabycakesxx · June 2011

ms.mittens:
Some people might like to hear that, but I don't. It makes me think they thought I looked fat before. I'd just stick with "you look great", she can read whatever she wants into the statement.

this. obviously if they think ive lost weight then that means i i was fat before. well thats how i look at it.

Aviee · June 2011

Rather than say, "You look like you've lost weight," it might be better to say that the person looks super healthy, looks vibrant or looks really good. If you knew the person was losing weight and were good friends with them, I wouldn't think saying that they've lost weight would be offensive, but a co-worker or someone else might take it personally in a non-intended way. The point of losing weight is to look good/healthy anyways, so that's a positive comment that doesn't point directly to the weight.

citychicks · June 2011

Huh, apperantly I'm the only one who eff'ing LOVES to hear that I look like I've lost weight? Surprise

Pretty sure, that telling me I look thinner, is the fastest way to become my BFF. Embarrassed

PartiallySunny · June 2011

I am like you, I don't like it. But I don't take compliments well in the first place. I'd rather people just not notice, even if I am trying. I'm doing it for me, not for other people. I went to the dentist 5 weeks PP and they asked about my baby and when I delivered (because the last time I went to the dentist, I declined x-rays because I was pregnant). When I told them April 2nd, the one woman said, "in that case, you look fantastic". Tongue Tied

With that said, I try to be gracious when I know people are trying to compliment me.

I think it all depends on the person on if would say something. If a person had come to me discussing trying to lose weight and we talked about it regularly, I would compliment them. If it was someone I rarely talked to and who I knew was shy, I wouldn't.

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