Q about Jealousy with 15-16 months apart. (teaching early. 13-14m?)

Azrayla · June 2011

I was hoping jealousy wouldn't be an issue. Im not due till sept but I was wondering how bad the jealousy was and if there was anything I could do to prepare DD. Depending on when the baby arrives shell be 15-16 months old.

We got a kitten the other day and she's showing signs of jealousy for that alone. I was holding our cat and she had to crawl into my lap and give me a kiss. DH also was petting the cat and DD got right into his face and just stared at him, blocking the kitten. This doesn't make the upcoming baby seem promising. I know she will need attention but it seems she wants 100% and that will be impossible since I plan to breastfeed as well. Ill have H home for a week to show her extra attention but I think shell want it from me if she sees me with ds..

Advice, tips, opinions?

mel72 · June 2011

Ours are 15 months apart. At first there was no jealousy whatsoever. That is until the baby became more mobile and DS1 realized the baby could move and get to his toys and food. Not sure if it's terrible two's right now but DS1 is going through a crazy stage hitting/pushing/throwing/screaming. Hope it doesn't last long. I formula feed but esp. in the beginning - make sure you give her a toy or something new to play w/ or else she will likely try anything to get your attention away from the baby, DS1 still does it sometimes.

jennyenny323 · June 2011

Mine are almost 16 months apart. Jealousy wasn't and isn't really an issue for us. My DD didn't really like me breastfeeding DS at first, or maybe she was scared, or unsure what was going on. But I didn't make it an issue and would let her sit next to me, on my lap or as close as possible and would just tell her that I was feeding the baby just like I did when she was a baby. She's 2 now and my son is 9 months, we're working more on sharing these days, and she's doing a great job. I think sometimes she'll act out by kicking or hitting him when she wants more of our attention.

t.bird · June 2011

mine are 14 months apart- and there was lots of jealousy & complete dislike on alex's part.

i basically did what i had to do. if brynn needed to eat & alex wouldn't sit with us, then i had to let her scream.

i made sure to give her plenty of "her" time & always made sure she could sit with me while i fed brynn- sometimes it worked & other times, no go.

so it was what it was. the one thing i made sure was to meet alex's needs first. a newborn isn't going to remember if you let her cry for 5 min while you attend to your oldest.

the first 2 weeks were hell. but she came around & eventually if she saw me feeding brynn she'd just wander off & do whatever.

now that brynn is older (as is alex) they're both fine. and alex likes brynn quite a bit more now.

sweetpea2003 · June 2011

Mine are 16 months apart.

Honestly, the jealousy isn't consistant. Some days (I think on days where Kate isn't feeling great or is teething) she is clingy and gets a little upset when I need to nurse DS. Other days all she wants is "the baby" and couldn't care less about me .

I'm not sure how you would prepare a baby to be honest. I would just take it one day at a time. Make sure you have a safe area for your DD to play while you are feeding the new baby. I make sure to give my daughter special attention whenever I can (we read books alone every night in her room after DS is aslee) and I always let her be a good helper. Right now she is obsessed with trying to push DS in the stroller. She can barely reach the handles, but I let her try (as sloooooooow as it is) because I know she is trying to help and is proud of her brother.

One other thing I did was I got DD a little doll, diaper bag (with mini cloth diapers, a mini wipes case, and bibs), and a little stroller. I would have her "change" her doll when I changed DS. She pretends to feed her doll, pushes him in the stroller, etc. We got a little boy doll and gave him DS's middle name. She LOVES Patrick and it helped her feel involved when the new baby came. It also gave me a way to distract her safely while I was feeding, changing, burping DS.

moonfaerie · June 2011

Your baby will change more than you realize over the next few months, and by the time your baby is born, she'll likely be more into independent play, so that should help. Also, if you are able to have someone visit or who is willing to take your daughter for the day, that will ease the stress of trying to give them both attention all the time. My MIL and mom both came over and played with L while I focused on the baby, or held the baby so I could play with L. Sometimes my MIL took L for the day, so she got lots of attention then. I don't have much else by way of advice, because our older daughter handled the addition very well, overall.

Oh and my DD2 slept like a dream at first, and would crash out in her carseat for 3-4 hours at a time. L and I actually had more time together when C was a newborn than when she was a few months old. C started getting clingy around 2 months and needed to be held all the time, but by then L was used to having her around, and so into her newfound skill of walking that she didn't care.

Azrayla · June 2011

Thanks a bunch ladies. Just freaking out I think

I know DD will change a bunch still its just gettin so close I thouht id be better prepared! One day at a time! Didn't forget about this post. My cousins first two were 15 months apart so she wasn't much help with the positive parts..

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Q about Jealousy with 15-16 months apart. (teaching early. 13-14m?)

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