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MIL Vent >:(
It is getting old. I love my MIL, seriously, but I am so tired of all the little comments about our parenting choices. DH's family all seem to parent the same way, which is pretty much the opposite of what DH and I choose to do with Maya. We are very conscientious about saftey recommendations and the food she eats, as well as natural/green choices. All of them are not. I got comments on delaying solids for 6 months, crap from one of them about CDing, crap from wearing her all the time, and yes I am STILL breastfeeding. In the winter, everytime I saw MIL she would comment on how Maya was going to freeze because we didn't put her in a fluffy snowsuit before strapping her into her carseat. No matter how many times DH and I stated carseat safety recommendations, it didn't matter. She is always making remarks about how much I am spoiling my daughter, and all the wearing and co-sleeping is just going to make it worse, and I need to do CIO and crap.
And of course, it all looks like it is me forcing DH to be like this with her, because the rest of his family isn't like this.
And we were at an open house today. MIL comes and takes Maya and disappears. Now, we try to feed Maya as much raw and organic as we can and restrict extra salt and sugar. We both are prone to being overweight and his family is really unhealthy, so we want to give her the best start possible. They are always trying to feed her sugar and milkshakes and fatty salty processed foods, everytime we are around them, and everytime, I politely say, she doesn't need that stuff, and offer an alternative. I am always made to feel I am a bad mom for depriving my child of all the junk food her little heart desires. Today at the open house, I got my food and sat down to find my MIL with a plate of salty crackers, greasy mac and cheese and fried chicken wings, trying to feed her this stuff.
I saw something in her hand and asked her what she had. It was a salty cracker and MIL was like, oh, can she not have that? I kind of shook my head and offered her a slice of cucumber instead. MIL took the cracker from her and threw it down on the plate. She picked up a piece of watermelon and said, is THIS ok for her? Then gave her a huge chunk that was choking hazard size. Then she had a pile of peach jello, and she looks at me and goes, what about jello? Is she ALLOWED to have jello?
I was so upset from the judgment and condescension in her tone. Treating me like I was some nutcase mother who was depriving her of the pleasure of feeding my child what she wanted and depriving my child of greasy food.
DH and I decide these things together, and I am confident that we are doing right by our child, but I am really tired of his family's snide little comments or side-eyes or criticisms of the way I choose to parent my child. It wouldn't be as big of a deal, but we see them all the time. I don't want to vent to DH because it is his mom, but I may end up saying something very soon if this keeps up. I usually just try to politely explain why we do the things we do. Maybe not so much anymore.
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Re: MIL Vent >:(
All I can do is empathize.
You're Mommy. She's not.
And you're making smart decisions.
Unfortunately you can only repeat the same thing so many times.
And she needs to stop the attitude.
You're an awesome Mommy, Cassian!
Our Thanksgiving Day baby 11/22/07
Pregnant with #2 with LPD, uterine polyp/hysteroscopy, DOR (AMH = 0.17), 2 c/ps
Our early Christmas present 12/9/10
My mom calls me "harsh" and "mean". She takes everything I do to a sensitive extreme. She sees me making appropriate boundries, allowing Rhayna to feel the sting of minor consequences, and exploring the complexities of disappointment as "harsh".
maybe I am "harsh" but my kids know they are loved, they are adored, they are swooned upon but they also know that they don't get to buffalo me, they don't get to manipulate me. They know that life has disappointments, we learn each day how to deal with them without dropping off the flucking deep end into a spiral of craziness or "depression" at the sight or sound of a disappiintment....
Try to remember that the proof is in the pudding. My brother and sister (21 & 18 respectively) can't hear "No" without FREAKING OUT. They are asked to do something minor to help around the house and you'd think they were just asked for a kidney. My brother is constantly "depressed" about how unfair life is. He has no appropriate relationships with anyone, etc.
My mom did some massive disservices as a parent and my choices are in stark contrast BECAUSE of that - and so I'm judged in accordance with her lens of appropriate parenting.
I don't fault her, although its royally irritating, but I try to ebb and flow through our relationship with the understanding that she doesn't get the error in her ways. It helps me cope in the moments I take her assinine, rude commentary personally.
HUGS MAMA! You're doing a great job!
All this, exactly.
Just do what you know is right for Maya, and to hell with the naysayers. Maya is healthy, happy and loved. What else matters?
You are so right. I could quite possible be seen as this way since I do everything so differently from their status quo. Putting it this way helps me understand a little better. Thank you for this response, and thanks for the encouragement ladies.
My MIL sounds very similar. She isn't quite as pushy with the food, she constantly asks and makes comments but has never fed her anything (in from of me anyway). However, she is very pushy with taking DD from me even if she's upset or scared (she doesn't see inlaws very often so it takes her a while to adjust to them). MIL always says out of sight out of mind and will just disappear with her!
Hopefully they'll come around!