Ferber mommies

nicolita14w · June 2011

Please give me some encouragement if you can spare it. Tonight is our first real try at Ferber with Ben. We've been fine with rocking him to sleep at bedtime, but lately he wakes up at 3am and is impossible to get back to sleep. We're all exhausted, Ben is tired all day, and DH and I are snapping at each other constantly.

So, clearly, Ben needs to learn how to go to sleep on his own. So we are ferberizing starting at bedtime in the hopes that learning to fall asleep on his own at bedtime will lead to him being able to go back to sleep in the middle of the night.

This is so hard, though. He's really shrieking. I know I'm supposedly doing the best thing for him, but I feel like what I'm teaching him is "Mommy is not coming for you, so it's no use to cry."

I've been crying myself since we started. I wish there were another way. But we're all so exhausted and can't keep getting up for the day at 3am.

howleyshell · June 2011

I hear you.

I had to leave the house (and have a glass of wine) while DH went in for the interval soothing.

It's hard stuff.

But like you said - helping him learn to fall asleep on his own has a myriad of benefits.

It really is a good thing for him to learn.

It's a couple of days of hell for everyone involved but I promise they really do learn.

And then? You ALL are in a better place thanks to good sleep.

The thing that finally convinced me to go for it was reading about how important healthy sleep is to brain development.

Then DH said: "Think about how crabby you are when you're not well rested. Think about how hard it is to concentrate and work or learn effectively.... he NEEDS to be getting better sleep."

Sold.

GL and hang in there!

nicolita14w · June 2011

howleyshell:
I hear you.
I had to leave the house (and have a glass of wine) while DH went in for the interval soothing.
It's hard stuff.
But like you said - helping him learn to fall asleep on his own has a myriad of benefits.
It really is a good thing for him to learn.
It's a couple of days of hell for everyone involved but I promise they really do learn.
And then? You ALL are in a better place thanks to good sleep.
The thing that finally convinced me to go for it was reading about how important healthy sleep is to brain development.
Then DH said: "Think about how crabby you are when you're not well rested. Think about how hard it is to concentrate and work or learn effectively.... he NEEDS to be getting better sleep."
Sold.
GL and hang in there!

Thank you, howleyshell.

dulcinea03 · June 2011

If it makes you feel any better, tonight is Night #2 with Jules. Last night was 4 hours of crying. DH stayed up with her and sent me to bed since I was not coping well. We'll see how tonight goes.

Hugs to you, it seriously sucks. I keep telling myself its for the best though.

perry7285 · June 2011

it's brutal. but howleyshell's right--your son needs more sleep as much as you and your husband do. i so, so wish that there was a way to teach them to fall asleep on their own without having to do CIO, but i really think ferberizing is necessary for some kids.

hang in there. you can do this.

JillRock96 · June 2011

Hugs, honey. I have been there. With Charlie in particular, she was dependent on someone else to fall asleep -- she could not do it on her own. And every time she woke up in the night, she was unable to soothe herself to sleep at all. Sleep training is so hard, but I firmly believe that (for some kids) it leads to more sound, restful sleep and teaches habits that kids will use for the rest of their lives. It will get easier.

nicolita14w · June 2011

Thanks, ladies. He fell asleep after about 40 minutes. I went in to check on him and he was basically in a folded-over seated position. He must still have been sitting up when he finally crashed. Sigh. Poor little guy. I love him so much.

j11skate · June 2011

:::Hugs::: Tonight is number 3 for us and I only had to go in once at 3 minutes. She cried a total of 5 minutes. Our situation wasn't as bad as a lot but it is still hard to hear her cry and not run in there to her. Aly was regressing and starting to cry when we left her room. She also would cry if she rolled to her belly (which was all the time) even though she knows how to roll back. I was discussing this regression with the babysitter and she said that she doesn't have any problems with her sleeping for naps. Apparently she'd just fall asleep. Also lately she's been rolling to her belly and going to sleep... When I realized how great she is at the babysitters then I knew she needed ferber. It's been pretty smooth for us!

dulcinea03 · June 2011

How did it go last night? Hugs!

nicolita14w · June 2011

dulcinea03:
How did it go last night? Hugs!

Thanks! Pretty good. Cried for 40 mins at bedtime, then slept till 1:40. I gave him a bottle and laid him back down. He cried for 8 mins and fell asleep. He fussed one or two more times during the night, very briefly, but didn't need to get up till about 5:30, which is pretty good for us! Thanks again for the encouragement.

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