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SallyAnneS
member
Dh can go to hell! (vent obviously)
SallyAnneS
member
LO has been sleeping great the last week or so. I have started a bedtime routine and now LO goes 5.5 hours between the bedtime bottle and the middle of the night bottle and then another 4 hours before his morning bottle. DH does the bedtime bottle ususally and the morning bottle and I do the middle of the night bottle. I don't mind this during the week and enjoy spending that quiet time with LO during the night. But it would be nice to sttn like DH is on the weekends.
On Thursday night LO got his eating schedule messed up and ended up needing to eat at midnight, 4am and 7am. I asked DH to do the midnight bottle and 7am bottle and I would do the one between. Well DH doesn't understand how to do a midnight feeding I don't think. I always keep things really dark, quiet and calm. LO ended up overstimulated after his feeding and I ended up having to get up to calm him back to sleep. This took till 230am and then I still needed to get up for the 4am feeding. Ugh!
Anyways, yesterday LO met my mom's family for the first time. They live about 4 hours away so we don't see them very often anymore. My grandpa is starting to fall apart in his old age and I was told he went for a walk a few weeks ago and forgot how to get home, he called my uncle at some point because he forgot how to turn on the tv, and his doctor has told him he has day or years left before he has a major stroke. Nothing makes him happy or interested anymore, but when he was holding LO he looked so peaceful and full of joy. When we left last night to come home he said to LO "You are just starting your life and I am just ending mine." I was obviously very upset last night at the thought of my grandpa dieing. I tried to talk to DH about this but he didn't respond and then changed the subject. And then when I pressed it he said he had "zoned out" and didn't hear anything I said. Thanks a f'ing lot. Anyways I asked DH to please get up with LO during the night (the feeding schedule is back to just one feeding at 3am) so that I could get a nights sleep to help me deal with the emotions of my grandpa. I knew I was going to have touble getting to sleep and if I woke up I would have trouble getting back to sleep because I would start thinking about it again. He agreed.
Well at 3am LO started to fuss. I waited for DH to wake up. Nothing. LO started to cry. I waited for DH to wake up. Nothing. DH never, ever, ever hears him during the night. At this point I was wide awake. So I might as well just get up because I knew I wasn't going to be sleeping anyways. LO had a great feeding and was back to sleep in 40 minutes. That was 2.5 hours ago. I haven't been back to sleep since. Hard to get back to sleep when DH is still snorning in bed and he was suppose to be the one getting up. And it would be so much easier for him to get up during the night because he has the ability to go right back to sleep after a feeding. But I take time to wind back down.
It seems almost pointless to even ask DH to do the feedins tonight because a)he wont wake up and b)LO will end up overstimulated and I will have to get up anyways.
DH is a involved father during the day (usually) but I need his help at night. He promised it wouldn't be this way. 
Twins:
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Re: Dh can go to hell! (vent obviously)
Ugh. I"m sorry, sweetie.
My DH does the same thing in the middle of the night. Actually, I can bring her to bed, and she'll be 6 inches from his head and shrieking, and he won't wake up. Everyone tells me to just wake him up, but by the time I get him up I can have things done. I wake up every time she so much as whimpers so I wouldn't be able to sleep through anything anyway.I'm like you too, once I'm awake enough I'm up and take a little time to go back to sleep. (Seriously, this is why we started some middle of the night cosleeping since I could stick a boob in her mouth and pass out again.)
To DH's credit, he is extremely mortified that he doesn't hear her cry. Evidently he can sleep through hurricanes and the baby. Everything else might wake him up.
Have you told him how to do a night feeding? Keep it quiet, don't talk much, etc? It does suck to have to wake him up and you might be falling asleep again just as he's finishing up, but not getting out of bed may help some.
(((HUGS))) I am so sorry about your grandpa.
As for your DH, well, there are nights my DH STILL doesn't hear Eliza and she is 17mo old. I don't even hesitate to nudge him and tell him it's his turn. I used to have more trouble going back to sleep, but you get used to it
One thing I always try to keep in mind, is that just because he doesn't do something MY way, doesn't mean it is the wrong way. If it really bugs me, I try to make gentle suggestions, but I don't want to criticize too much either. I also try to not interfere when E is having a meltdown that DH can't seem to get under control, I know he will come and get me if he feels like he can't get her to calm down.
I would find a way to gently explain the nighttime feeding process to your hubby and then let him have at it. He will figure it out and if LO gets overstimulated, let DH work it out. In the meantime, get whitenoise or earplugs for you and sleep!
Uughh. I recall feeling JUST like that in the beginning. At the risk of sounding like "now, now, new momma...." (really) I say this is just a normal part of the learning curve, you guys are still trying to get to know eachother, and how this all works, and yes, "This too shall pass." Just keep plugging away at things, and know that you won't be this tired forever, and things will settle in.
Since I was a SAHM and Davez needed to be alert for work, I kinda let him decide what he was able to do as far as night feedings. He liked to stay up a bit later than me, so he did anything prior to 3am, and then I was up with the rest. Sometimes that changed, we just talked it out. Ahead of time ;-)
I also want to second what Emz said about letting them do it "their" way - someone pointed out to ME: "Would you want his mother breathing down your neck, telling you every move and critiquing it all? No, of course not. So don't do that to your husband." I *still* remember that rule, in fact, used it the other day when it was evident Davez pushes Ava's buttons and didn't realize it. I approached the topic much differently, b/c maybe that's just their relationship "schtick." I use phrases like "Just so you know, this is how *I* do it.... " and give him permission to follow suit or do it his own way.
This is ALL new to you guys, including the baby. You got this.
Someday ;-)
Thanks ladies. I got another 3 hours of sleep after DH got up for the morning feeding and now I feel silly for getting so mad. I really try and bite my tongue when it comes to telling DH may way to do things as apose to his way. But when LO won't go back to sleep at night and DH starts to swear under his breath in the nursery I can't help but go in and ask if he needs some help. I feel like reminding him that he isn't suppose to swear in front of the baby. I don't want a potty mouth little boy.
I might have taken out my anger on him this morning also about the fact that my mom is starting to overstep her role as Granny. Last night when we were with my family I was showing my grandparents how great LO is at tummytime. LO makes a lot of coo'ing noises during tummytime and you can tell he is really working at trying to get his head up. He usually can stand 5 minutes before melting down into a small cry. The ENTIRE time he was coo'ing my mom was asking if she could pick him up because he hated being on his tummy. There was also her telling me he needed to wear socks, and then a sleeper, and then a blanket. It was 25 degrees outside! He ended up with heat rash as she kept putting layers on him. I finally snapped and said at some point "Because I don't know what I am doing after spending 6 weeks solid with him." I get that I am a new mom and really I have no idea what I am doing other then folling my gut reactions to his needs. But I people just don't listen to me when I say something about him.
I think the combination of my mom (who is ususally doesn't overstep her bounds), my grandpa's health, and then my being to stubburn to wake up DH, I just couldn't get myself together enough to sleep.
DH is out right now for a walk with LO. I think I owe him an apology when he gets back. And a conversation to figure out how we are going to break up the feedings on the weekends so that he can get up.
I'm glad you're feeling better this morning. That first month or two is sooooo hard, and it can be hard on your relationships with your DH and your family. It sounds like you've got a handle on talking things through with your DH.
Regarding your mom, I feel ya. I love my mom and my MIL dearly, but they both drove me nuts in those first few weeks. My MIL would give me parenting advice indirectly, by saying it to DD in a baby voice instead of to me. For example, we couldn't get her to stop crying one evening, and MIL burped her again, which did work. But then she followed up with, "You just needed to be burped again! Tell mommy you just needed to be burped again!" Hello -- sitting right here within earshot! And my mom became obsessed with my not having a second laundry basket in the nursery. She brought it up so many times that I ended up snapping, "If you say 'laundry basket' to me one more time I'm going to start screaming." While your mom's advice is undoubtedly well-meaning, I can see how it would be annoying. Just stand your ground gently but firmly; I'll bet she will eventually get it since she usually doesn't overstep.
Oh, and it does sound like your DS is great at tummy time. My DD would just lie there flat-out screaming from the.time we put her down on her tummy to the time we picked her back up!
sidebar - we swear like sailors who used to drive trucks around here (:::blush:::) and Ava STILL has yet to repeat them. She's 3+. OK, she said "fricken stinky dog" once or twice, but that's it. lol. While I don't think it's nice to swear "at" a baby, look past it and figure out the real issue - I know Davez REALLY felt like a major failure at 1st when the baby cried. He took it VERY personally. (and then mom comes in a swoops up baby and makes it better? 2nd blow, KWIM?)
I agree with emmy. Explain the nighttime feeding process. What does he do to make LO stimulated? Does he turn on the lights?
When Nicholas was born, I told DH "This is how we are doing the middle of the night feedings." Since DH knew nothing about babies, he was like "Okay" and let me take the lead.
We are doing Ava's nighttime feeds, the same exact way . Oh and when it's DH night to feed her, I nudge him and say "It's time to eat".