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XP: Anyone's toddler / preschooler kind of shy?

nictelnictel
in Pre-School and Daycare

My DS is doing amazing after a rough start. Born premature, had PT and speech delays, didn't walk until 18 months, and didn't talk until almost 2 and 1/2!  After a year of EI speech he is being discharged, and will start preschool in the fall with a push-in SLP for articulation. 

He has become really outgoing with my IL's, my parents (who live out of state), his once a week babysitter, my other relatives, etc, and a few kids who he knows from a mommy and me class.  But, he is still hesitant to join a group of kids he doesn't know, and is very shy around older kids or kids who are more advanced in speech than he is.  He also does much better one on one with other kids.  If there is a larger group, he seems to be the 'odd man out'.  Because of his speech delay he was evaluated by a psychologist and a neuropsych, who both said he is typical, and that some kids are just shy, and it isn't that uncommon for a child with speech that is difficult to understand to have some hesitation / shyness. 

He also seems to be more clingly to me when the other kids are very agressive. 

Anyone have a shy kid?  I'm a little worried about preschool in the fall, and would like to help him feel more comfortable approaching other kids he doesn't know well to play.  He'll be 3 over the summer, and is catching up to his peers.

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Re: XP: Anyone's toddler / preschooler kind of shy?

  • KristinKDKristinKD member

    My DD1 is outgoing with her neighborhood friends and even strangers at the playground, but for some reason she's shy at school, and even with her school friends when I'm with her. I posted about it here:

    https://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/52542149.aspx

    Like your DS, she is absolutely more clingy when other kids are aggressive. Depending on the situation, I sometimes encourage her to stand up for herself, like to tell them she was playing with something if they butt in front of her, but other times it's better to just get her to move onto something else.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with being shy; in fact, I think it's better in many ways. Like I said in my post above, though, it's just been strange to me to see a whole different side of her at school.

    Emily 11.29.2007 | Kate 4.3.2010 | James 8.22.2013
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  • n&bcarlsonn&bcarlson
    My DD is the same age and is very shy, especially in groups of kids, even though she is at the opposite extreme with communication and will basically talk nonstop from the time the sun comes up until she falls asleep at night (usually mid-sentence).  It takes her a while to warm up, even with kids she knows really well.  But I think that's okay, and part of what preschool is about- helping children learn to navigate socially.  As he gets older and gains confidence, I'm sure your son will be less the odd man out, and you can help work with him on strategies to fit in if he needs help, but for now, he probably just needs more time to get comfortable.
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  • SymphonyGirlSymphonyGirl member
    DS was very shy at the start of preschool last fall.  It took him months and months to be able to approach other kids and ask them to play, but by the end of this school year, he was doing much better.  One thing we did to help him was once he got to know who the other kids were, we'd ask him who he wanted to play with that day while we were getting him ready for school in the morning.  If he gave a name of someone, we'd ask what he wanted to do/play with that person and then we'd let him practice on us what he would say - like, "Maya, will you play with the blocks with me?"  It seemed to give him the confidence to approach someone when he'd had a little practice/prep.
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  • rsd12rsd12 member
    My son is extremely shy.  Surprisingly he is doing well at preschool!  He just started in April due to his speech issues (phonology & articulation). So he did not know anyone, was new to school towards the end of the school year, has a hard time with his speech/communicating, & went to a different preschool than his older brother went to (we had hyped up the other preschool since I did not think he would get these services through the town) & a lot earlier than I planned - he was not going to start until this fall.  He is 3 1/2 yrs old.  It is hard to watch sometimes.. but at this age a lot of play is still parallel.  His class had a concert last week, & I am so proud of him - he stood up on the stage even though he would not sing & dance ; ) He just stood there.   But he loves going to school & he adores his teachers.  It is going to take time.
    Boy 1 2/06 - Boy 2 12/07 - Boy 3 9/09
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  • Erin&RodErin&Rod

    DS is very shy around people he doesn't know well.  When he is around well known family members and friends he is very outgoing.  When he is around people he sees every once in while, it takes him a long time to warm up and start talking.  When strangers talk to him he will only nod yes or no, but will not speak to them. 

    He started preschool last August and it has helped a lot.  He has two best friends in his class and he's really close with his teachers.  We were worried about preschool too, but he loves it.  Going to school is his favorite thing to do.  He was very shy and quiet and kept to himself for the first few months, but now he is so excited about school.  He likes to watch and think and figure everything/everyone out before he jumps in.

    DS didn't have any speech delays, he's just shy.  It's just his personality.  I think preschool will be great for your ds.  He will love it!

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  • jlw2505jlw2505 member
    I am going to answer this from 2 different views - my older DD has a sever speech delay but has never let it stop her.  She is very outgoing.  When she started her new PreK program in the fall, she struggled for the very 1st time with kids and her teachers not understanding her at first.  She spent a lot of time playing on her own until she was able to make some connections with the kids and the teachers started to understand her.  She did way better off the bat in her speech class which is 5 kids and 2 therapists vs her preK class of 20 kids and 3 teachers.  She has always done better in small groups as it is easier for the kids to pay the needed attention to her and the more kids, the louder it gets and harder for the kids to understand her.  My 3 year old is just plain shy.  No delays or anything, just a shy kid.  It takes her a while to warm up but once she does, she does great.  She knows who she likes, who she doesn't and we just try and go with that and work with her in new situations knowing that she is never going to be the kid that walks into a new room and just takes off which her sister will do.  She started her new session of swim classes last week, she would not get in the water with her new teacher but once a different teacher came over that she knows, she happily went off with him. 
    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
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