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Things to Consider Before TTC?
I'm going to leave this generic because honestly, I have no clue!
DH and I were surrounded by babies and small children this weekend with family in town for wedding/graduations and we now have the baby itch. It was the most touching thing watching DH hold my cousin's 2 month old (heck, he would hold her ALL DAY if you let him!) and very cute when he told me on Monday that he felt sad that he had to be at work and couldn't be with the baby. We both feel a little hole in our hearts now that our out of town families have left and it's just the two of us (and our dog) again.
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Re: Things to Consider Before TTC?
I truly believe when you are ready, you will know in your heart and everything else will fall into place.
With that said I would start thinking about childcare. Will one of you stay home or center vs in home daycare? Are you happy with your current gyno, do they deliver in a hospital you are comfortable? Are you interested in using a midwife, how do you feel about delivery and the many options available? It's never to early to start taking prenatals. Oh and talking about names is always a favorite! Good luck!
When I got pregnant, we actually weren't TTC and were not planning on getting pregnant for at least a couple of years. Of course, now we couldn't see our lives any other way. That said, we had 9 months to get things ready quick and adjust our lives, and it seemed to be plenty of time.
We had been house hunting at the time, put an offer on the house before finding out I was pregnant. The house is smaller than we probably would have chosen if we had known we were expecting, but it has worked out well. The "office" turned into the nursery.
DH was driving a truck, so we had to get a new car. We decided on an SUV (jeep) for the extra space. We already had one jeep, so now we have two, instead of the truck.
Since we were in the process of buying a home, we had already worked out our budget based on DH's salary alone. I wasn't working at the time that we purchased our home, so we realized that our budget would allow me to SAH. I got a summer nanny job for extra money to help buy baby gear and to keep busy.
Good luck! I hope things go well for you!!
I would make sure you have had a general physical recently (blood pressure check, etc). I would discuss finances and daycare with DH so you are in agreement about these things. Other than that, it is just about deciding now is the right time for you guys.
If so, I am excited for you!
Ditto on the prenatals. You can get them OTC.
First a word of advice from the eternal planner....NOTHING ever goes as you plan it, you can plan, map out the next 50 years but at the end of the day there are a lot of things that are literally out of your hands.
If you are both feeling this 'piece that is missing' and want to test the waters then the next step is to offer your baby sitting services for a weekend. When you keep a baby overnight it can help you decide if you are truly ready. If you survive then the next step would be to make an appointment with your OB/GYN, they will tell you to start prenatal vitamins and folic acid, stop drinking and smoking and exercise.
Me, I think I always knew I wanted to be a mom, DH too so for us it was evident as soon as we got married but we also had almost 6 years of unexplained infertility so you can see how our plans were pretty much shot from the get go.
Good Luck!
Wow thanks ladies for all the wonderful advice and thought provoking questions. Between my recent birthday and our family in town with adorable children I felt a strong desire to have something like that ourselves and the proverbial clock ticking.
For childcare we're very fortunate in that both my parents and ILs are in town. My mom is not currently working and would be absolutely THRILLED to watch our kids while we both continue working. MIL works but only lives 10 mins away so would also be a great "extra pair of hands" as we navigate through. Thank goodness for free childcare!
I actually am not super thrilled with my obgyn and so will probably start a hunt for a new one (any recos? Preferably in the Mason area but not required). This is going to be a dumb question but what the heck does a midwife do and how is this different than obgyn?? (See, told you. Clueless.)
Vitamins are a great idea and easy enough to do
. Exercise is already a check, too. Thankfully, I'm "generally healthy" so I'm hoping other than deciding now's the right time and doing a little homework that like you said, things will just fall into place.
For me (also a huge planner) that's probably the scariest yet exciting part is the lack of control. Thank goodness I'll have you laides as part of my support and information network!
ETA: Oh yeah, I get bloodwork done for work every other year and that's all good. Smoking and drinking was never an issue though I do have to laugh whenever one of my friends "mysteriously" stops drinking
. Finances are secure and I know our insurance is good but great reminder to check the specifics. Think the only thing left to do is pull the BCPs!
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In general I am a huge planner for big life decisions and just in general but I found that having kids is one thing that I actually like not planning lol Before I got pg with Nicholas DH and I had agreed that we were feeling ready for kids but it was more of a logistical thing for us-- when should we actually start trying (I was in graduate school at the time and we were trying to work around that-- in reality I hated grad school and hated that we were waiting b/c of that). We had wanted to start trying in Oct 09 so that I would have the baby after finishing my masters but I got pg in July 09 and was SO glad it happened that way! It gave me the extra oomph to decide that grad school just wasnt for me (at that time at least). With this pregnancy we decided and planned and "tried" and it was a much more stressful experience because it wasn't just a relaxed-- see what happens like last time and I would prefer our next one to be a surprise again lol
I would say if you feel financially secure then the only thing to discuss would be daycare options and plans. I personally disagree w/ pp that babysitting overnight will help guage how ready you are because it is COMPLETELY different when its your child and its something you do day in and day out. Honestly, I know this varies for everyone, having a baby didn't cause a huge upset in our normal lives-- the obvious things changed but I don't feel like our finances or spending habits have changed, I am a SAHM now instead of being in school full time but other than that its just like we have this extra addition that fit right in with the family DH and I had already created when we got married (and you ARE a family regardless of kids
)
I would start taking a PNV maybe, I quit drinking and smoking when I got my BFP. I would also maybe talk with your HR reps about your insurance policy to make sure you understand your maternity policy and copays/deductibles and all that just so you aren't blind sided going in. I would also check about your maternity leave if you plan on going back to work. Other than that-- have fun!!
ETA: Just saw your questions above...this is a good link that explains the midwifery style of care: https://www.trihealth.com/whe/tnm/tnm_nurseMidwife.aspx
Jenn & Jason
September 27, 2008
The one thing I didn't do that I wish I would have done is sign up for a short term disability plan. AFLAC was the company that offered it through my job but I didn't sign up. Most plans require that you don't give birth for 10-12 months after signing up so when I found out we were pregnant with the boys it was too late. I wish I would have had that to supplement my income while I was on maternity leave and I certainly would have cut back my hours at work if I knew I had that safety net. I worked until I was put on bedrest. I was on bedrest for 2 weeks so that took 2 weeks away from my maternity leave because I couldn't afford to stay off work without pay.
Everyone else has some good points, but I would check to see what your out of pocket will be. I got pregnant quicker than expected, so we wound up paying a high deductible in 2009, which wound up being a couple thousand we weren't expecting.
I would just check with your insurance company to see what out of pocket expenses you may have, doctors visits, hospital stay, pediatrician visits, etc.
DS #1 born January 2010. DS #2 due June 2014.
Biggest lesson- you will never ever be completely ready. There is never a "perfect" time, but when it happens, it's there and there is no turning back.
The other big lesson for me in TTC is that you can never completely plan and control it. The stars might align and everything might fall into place. Then again, everything might not. You don't know. Kids are the same way... you can't predict how they'll be.
Make sure your finances are in order and think about what they'd look like if you have to pay for childcare. I have had friends of mine whose parents don't want to watch their grandkids regularly because they want to be 'just grandma' and not a disciplinarian.
Ditto the PNVs. Find some cheap at Kroger/Walgreens/CVS, etc...
Research possible OBs/midwives. Think about if you want a large group or a small (or tiny) practice. There are pros and cons with each, and you have to decide what you want. For me, I like a large practice because I can always get in when I'm in a pinch, and I can choose between an OB and a mw easily. Next time I'm pregnant, I'll probably lean on my mw more because they're more personable and will take the time to relate and interact with you, listen to your questions, concerns, etc.. I've gone to Associates in OB/GYN for over a decade now. I like them.
And I'd say before you start TTC, take a good look at your life and think about how a baby would fit into it. While it doesn't send your life to a screeching halt, it does change things. Once they fall into a routine, evenings become very regimented (dinner at this time, family time at this time, bath time, bed time, etc...).
And the last thing is know your marriage. Having a baby changes it- and I think this change was easier for dh and I because we understood how we wanted to live life together if that makes any sense.
Hope that helps! GL!