Does this bug you?

nicolita14w · June 2011

It really bothers me when someone from my parents' or grandparents' generation makes the comment that "When *I* had kids, we didn't have all this STUFF to help us," in reference to bouncy seats or jumparoos, etc.

I get and agree with the idea that good parents do not stick their kids in the bouncy seat or jumparoo every day for hours on end so that they can go watch soap operas or play in the Internet. But I really don't think that today's mommies and daddies are so much less in touch with their kids because we have these things.

My grandmothers both had 5 kids. They were expected to stay home and take care of all those kids, keep the house clean, cook, etc. No one can tell me that they were sitting around holding and playing with their babies all day. I think all those kids spent a lot of time in playpens.

I don't know why this bothers me so much-- I guess because I feel like it asserts that "modern women" don't love their babies or are lazy, and I don't think that's the case.

ETA: Just in case I look like a jerk here, I just want to say that I spend almost my entire day playing with my kids. My house is not very clean nor do I get much personal time apart from the 45 mins they nap simultaneously. So I'm not putting my kids in the jumparoo all the time-- but yeah, I do put Ben in there so I can unload the dishwasher-- and I don't think that makes me less of a mom than someone in the 1950's who put her kid in a playpen so she could clean the house. Frankly, I don't know how women in that generation got much of any time to interact and play with their kids when they were expected to keep up with all the housework and cooking. And had to wash cloth diapers in a wringer washer and line dry them.

I guess this just goes with my general annoyance at people who reminisce about the "good old days" when things were so wonderful, safe, and everyone was polite and kind.

preheatedoven · June 2011

You are not alone, that bugs me too. Think about it this way, if they had 5 kids one of the older ones was probably taking care of the younger ones, or doing the housework. Also, back then they thought smoking while pregnant was as good idea. Not all things from the past are good:)

Mouseygail · June 2011

yep, bugs me too...you know what else bugged me? When my grandma made a snarky comment about "girls these days having c-sections"...like its some magical easy way out or soemthing...luckily I wasn't there and my mom got pissed and went off on her about how both DS and I could have died without the c-section!

sommerrayne · June 2011

I agree with you and think that its the martyr ploy...."Look at my life, look how hard it was, feel bad for me" crap. Even if ppl aren't those sort of personalities, those specific comments are trying to solicit the "Wow, yea, I have no idea how you did it!" which then implies they worked HARDER than you do and deserve more praise.
My grandma had 4 kids (her mom had 7), and once the eldest was old enough to watch the youngers, they both demanded that happen (this was ULTRA common back in the day, especially with big families). So, they had essentially a live in nanny. I'm not saying it was easy but it wasn't walking "uphill both ways to school" hard.

My grandma would even say she barely remembers her mom being around as her older sisters took care of her (she was the baby of the family).

Memories do funny things to you - they contort and alter what was really reality.

itsmevkb · June 2011

Maybe you should point out that they did have things like we currently have, just in a little different form. There have always been cradles, bassinets, playpens, highchairs, rocking horses, etc. A cradle is ultimately about the same as a bouncy seat. What is really the big difference between putting your baby in a highchair and handing them pots and pans to play with and putting them in an exersaucer? Either way, you're letting your baby entertain themselves while you try and get something else done. I think the more you go back and look at the things they had "back in the day" you'll find it is about the same.

crystalgirl · June 2011

I haven't experienced that, but that's likely in part due to the fact that all of our grandparents have passed away. Our parents think all these things are great and wish they had had them when they had kids!

I do have a lot of older children's books, though, and I think you're completely correct with the assumption about playpens. In the illustrations, the babies are never being held (or worn, haha!). Most of the time they are in playpens, and if not, they are in a highchair or a bassinet. Mom is cooking or cleaning, older kids are playing on the floor, and dad is reading the newspaper...often smoking a pipe!

Don't let it bother you. I think they really just want to feel like they way they did it was the best way... And maybe we'll feel that way someday, too.

alchris · June 2011

Amen to op and to all pps too! I agree wholeheartedly!

I just need to remember this in about 30 years.....

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