- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Babies: 6 - 9 Months
Can we talk about something controversial?
I remember something like this being posted before somewhere, but what the heck, I'm bored.
Without going into detail, XSIL has a genetic condition that has as close to a 100% chance of being passed on to her offspring as you can get statistically. I know this, because when I got pregnant, X and I went to a geneticist and had tests done on both of us to determine our risk because he is also a carrier of the particular gene that causes the condition. Now, the severity of the condition could vary, but it's highly unlikely that XSIL wouldn't pass it on. But even if the condition is not severe, it still is difficult to treat, traumatic for a young child, and basically involves aggressive treatment from birth.
XSIL and her H accidentally got pregnant with their son. He does have the condition. Since his birth, all they have done is complain about how horrible it is to go through, how expensive the treatments are, how complicated it is to go down to Miami every other weekend for his treatments. I can't understand, not having to go through it myself, but I know this must be awful for them. I feel awful for their son having to go through all this. And he has a relatively mild form of the condition.
XSIL and H decided that they wanted another child so badly, so they tried for #2. Their sweet baby girl has a much more severe form of the condition, and has been going through chemo since her first week of life. She's extremely sick all the time, and it's just awful for the rest of the family to watch her go through all this.
Before she was born, XSIL's H decided to quit his job because he wasn't liking it. Now they will complain to anyone who listens about their finances, and not having health insurance for the kids. As much as I don't like to be judgmental at times like these, I can't help feeling that they were really irresponsible for 1) getting pregnant again on purpose with #2 when they knew that, unfortunately, #2 had a very good chance of this happening, and 2) willingly throwing away the financial stability that they had when they have two children with a medical condition that needs regular aggressive treatment.
I don't think that they are awful people or anything. I just don't understand their choices. And although Ex and I are no longer together, I am still close with his family, and it is frustrating to know that C's cousin is going through this awful thing and not be able to do anything about it.
So, my question, and where the debate in this comes in.. What is your opinion on this? Would you willingly TTC a child knowing that they will likely be born with severe medical issues? And also, am I wrong for just not being able to understand why they would make this choice?
Breastfeeding, Co-Sleeping, Babywearing, Animal Loving Family!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can we talk about something controversial?
What Are Your Thoughts on Tap Dancing Penguins?
My first response is no, but it has to be really hard to want children and not be able to have them because of a possibility. I've always known I wanted to be a mom, so it's definintely a hard situation and I couldn't give you a definitive answer unless I was in it.
As for her husband quitting his job? That's just dumb. I don't care how much you hate your job...you don't quit it until you have something else lined up...especially if you are the one holding the health ins. Now who is responsible for these childrens medical bills? The government or are they just accumulating? Not a smart move at all.
A) I would never knowingly enter into this situation b/c I don't know that I would have the strength to watch my child suffer like that and know that it could have been prevented.
And
C) How in the world are they able to feed themselves if neither is working?
None of it makes any sense to me.
EDD- 06/13/2017
**Stinkerbelle-8-27-10 * Mr.P's 2nd Mama 7-27-07**
No. It's selfish and unfair to purposefully bring a child into this world knowing they have a horrible, debilitating disease. There are so many kids out there who need loving homes. If I couldn't concieve, or were in your XSIL shoes, I would adopt.
I personally would not want to conceive a child knowing they would suffer from a gene I carry. I would probably go the domestic infant adoption route, instead, but that's just me.
As for his job, if spending time and helping with his sick babies is better for the family overall than having more money and working, then ok. And I don't know how much they complain, but occasional vents about money would be ok. Constantly complaining bordering on whining would be tacky. Again, IMHO.
I don't know how they're supporting themselves right now. I'm assuming there is gov't assistance involved somewhere, but I haven't asked. The last time I even asked how they were doing, XMIL gave me an earful about how angry and bitter the H is about not working right now.
And right now, we aren't even allowed to come visit C's grandparents because they are paranoid about us bringing germs into that house, and then someone going from the grandparents' house to visit the new baby and getting her sick. This whole situation is just a bunch of suck for everyone involved.
Exactly.
I feel for the children but I would have no sympathy for the parents.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
I agree with this. I can understand accidental baby #1, but not #2. After going through a hard time with the first one, there is no way I'd put another child through that. If I really want another baby, there are so many babies and children that need homes, I'd adopt in a heartbeat.
As for the job situation. That's plain stupid. What kind of responsible father leaves a job with heath care simply because he doesn't like it? Sick or healthy children, that's selfish and irresponsible. It just makes it worse that his kids obviously need that health care.
this. those poor babies :-(
no kids for people with genetic mutations, then. Let me guess, you all think they can go right ahead and adopt.
Not at all. I personally wouldn't conceive if I knew there was a large chance of me passing on something terrible to my children. I don't think the parents deserve any sympathy for creating an awful situation. I feel bad for the children and that they have to be sick. But that pain and heartache never had to happen.
We don't have a lot of specifics but the parents have no right to complain, IMO since they knew the chances of this happening and then didn't take steps to make sure they were financially secure.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
Snoop, I totally agree with you. These parents have no room to complain about their money woes to anyone when the father quit his job! Now those poor children are the ones suffering. I think the parents are extremely irresponsible.
For me, it would depend on what the condition was. Is it terminal? Does it cause the child pain? Without knowing the exact details, I wouldn't want to say either way. I would hate to say that they should never experience the great joy of having a child just because that child has a condition. Those children's existence in the world was meant to be, and I don't judge the parents at all for having them.
Now, the father quitting his job, that I judge.
and anyone who quits their job because they don't like it and loses their insurance with 2 sick babies is a freaking idiot. holy crap, they are some winners.
probably not. But if I did, if my desire to be a mother was that strong, I sure as sh!t wouldn't complain about the condition knowing that I gave it them and that I KNEW I would give it to the child when I got pregnant. And I certainly would have a job and insurance.