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Hubby came home with Divorce Papers...

424424 member
in Single Parents

I'm not even too sure it has sunken in.  We have had problems on and off for quite awhile.  Hubby is a big Mama's boy...The main reason we fight is HER.  Hubby said we could do this amicable, or go to court.  I'm all for amicable....Im devasted that our family will be broken up, but a relief has been lifted of off my shoulders.  I feel bad for my 5 year old...

Hubby tells me today, that we need to split our dd 50-50.  I was caught off guard.  I dont want to do 50-50.  I want her more...Furthermore, hubby will be starting a new job(long hours/6 days a week).  My mind is raising that he will be dropping my dd off at his mothers....My worst fear coming true that she will be raising my child.   

Not sure why my hubby should have 50-50 when he isnt even going to be taking care of her.  Plus, in our marriage it was never 50-50.  More like 60 -40.  Y'know what I mean...

I could be rambling....Just wanted to get some thoughts/feedback.   A friend of mine suggested I meet with a lawyer to understand a few things...(note** we are in big debt due to husbands failed business)

 

 

 

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Re: Hubby came home with Divorce Papers...

  • PrettyInPearls23PrettyInPearls23 member
    Yes, you need to meet with an attorney.
     
    A lot of guys want 50-50 in the beginning of things. Maybe because they don't want to "lose", or maybe because they want to avoid/reduce the child support they'll be paying. Rarely is it because they actually have a vested interest in being an active part of the child's life. From my own experience and those I've seen on the board, a lot of men back down if the mom's keep pushing for what is in the best interest of their child. My STBXH went from wanting 50/50 to agreeing to EOW's with Wednesday PM visitation (which he has yet to utilize).
     
    Like your H, my STBXH worked a job that often had long/odd/weekend hours. I stressed this point to him when I was fighting for custody. I have a very reliable/flexible job with a M-F 8am-5pm schedule and that hasn't changed in years.

    In our temporary custody orders, it's stated that if the non-custodial parent at the time cannot care for the child for a period of more than 4 hours (outside of normal daycare times) during their parenting time, then the other parent has first rights to care for the child before a 3rd party (aka grandparents, babysitter) is to be utilized. Just something to think about.....

    Whatever you do, do NOT give in to what he wants just to make things amicable or to be nice. Go with your gut instinct and fight for what you and your LO deserve.

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  • 424424 member
    Thank you for taking the time to respond...
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  • r9stedtr9stedt
    imagePrettyInPearls23:
    Yes, you need to meet with an attorney.
     
    A lot of guys want 50-50 in the beginning of things. Maybe because they don't want to "lose", or maybe because they want to avoid/reduce the child support they'll be paying. Rarely is it because they actually have a vested interest in being an active part of the child's life. From my own experience and those I've seen on the board, a lot of men back down if the mom's keep pushing for what is in the best interest of their child. My STBXH went from wanting 50/50 to agreeing to EOW's with Wednesday PM visitation (which he has yet to utilize).
     
    Like your H, my STBXH worked a job that often had long/odd/weekend hours. I stressed this point to him when I was fighting for custody. I have a very reliable/flexible job with a M-F 8am-5pm schedule and that hasn't changed in years.

    In our temporary custody orders, it's stated that if the non-custodial parent at the time cannot care for the child for a period of more than 4 hours (outside of normal daycare times) during their parenting time, then the other parent has first rights to care for the child before a 3rd party (aka grandparents, babysitter) is to be utilized. Just something to think about.....

    Whatever you do, do NOT give in to what he wants just to make things amicable or to be nice. Go with your gut instinct and fight for what you and your LO deserve.



    This is fantastic advice.  Fantastic.   Yes

    You are a regular on the parenting board, right? 
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