Am I mad for no reason? (NTTGP)

mcromer · June 2011

So I've been MIA lately - was on vacation then finals and grading at work like crazy - so consumed lately I even stopped temping this month - but I'm back! And this is what happened:

A friend of mine is getting married in August. Some of the other girls and I started planning her bachelorette party. We decided to each buy her a piece of lingerie and do an intimate girl's night out - dinner, drinks, sexy clothes, etc. We went to Victoria's Secret, bought some of the [expensive!] lingerie she requested, and waited for confirmation on the date.

Got a text from one of our friends about not being able to get together this past weekend because she had to attend "Jane's" bachelorette party in Atlantic City for the weekend with the rest of the girls. I told her that I never got the invite (again, since I had been part of the initial planning and purchasing, I didn't think it was out of line for me to be shocked). Friend said "oh no I know you didn't. She decided last minute to do bridal party only. But just bring the lingerie to the bridal shower" (which is in 2 weeks).

I'm so mad because 1) After seeing the pics on FB - it wasn't bridal party only - her sisters were missing 2) I was part of the planning - we all purchased the lingerie together and 3) Now I'm expected to give her a bachelorette party gift AND a bridal shower gift.

We have had no falling out, no fights, and all the girls are making plans (with me included) for this upcoming weekend like nothing is wrong. But I'm really upset about it.

Am I out of line on this one?

Countrygirl36 · June 2011

I'm sorry about your friends treating you like this. That is a rotten situation to be in, and really should have been handled much better. It would have been ideal if you had been informed when this event became a BP only event (which it sounds like it was, even though some of the BP are missing). That's sometimes how life is when you help plan wedding festivities without being BP. It would be awesome if whoever made that call would apologize to you, but it probably won't happen. Just give the lingerie you bought to the bride as her shower gift and don't get anything additional. Then do whatever you want, knowing that helping to plan something doesn't always ensure an invite in this crowd.

brookelynpaisley · June 2011

Nope, I think you're right to be miffed. Even if the bride said she wanted to do bridal party only (which technically, if her sisters were BP and are missing, she did stick to that guest list) someone that was doing the initial planning with you should have spoken up and said "hey, mcromer was in on planning this, you need to include her."

You weren't invited to the bachelorette party - you don't owe her a gift. Returm it or keep it for yourself. You can decline the shower if you're really that hurt, as well, but I think it will only snowball. If she's really a good friend, I don't think it's wrong for you to confide in the bride (privately) that you were hurt to be left out with no explanation.

I'm sorry that your friends were sucky. I'd be hurt, too.